Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

Right you are

Do we still have the biscuit emoji?
Oh yes

What exactly do you mean by your husband having ‘a few drinks’? A couple of glasses of wine or a whole bottle? Or two? Does he behave well when he’s drunk? I think it’s awful that he wouldn’t want to go to your DS if there’s no alcohol involved.

There couldn't be a better example of the point sailing past someone's head....

Of course your Christmas won't be ruined by you not drinking IF YOU DON'T DRINK ANYWAY!

But presumably if someone took away one of the other components that make a good christmas for you - the nice food or the walk or the family, that would impact it and make it less fun?

I agree that the fact the DH would literally not go is a bit extreme but the overall point that (for most people) drinking alcohol enhances a pleasant experience rather than makes or breaks it, so if there is no actual reason to remove one of the elements (i.e. no history of alcoholism in the son or gf) then there's nothing wrong with wanting your christmas to be as good as possible?

In exactly the same way if someone said to you 'actually we just don't fancy turkey this year and can't be arsed to cook, we're going to have chicken nuggets,' you might not think 'Christmas is RUINED, I'm going to have a shit time,' but you would think 'Well that's a bit crap, Christmas dinner is one of the best parts of the day, it won't be as special eating flipping chicken nuggets from Iceland!'

I'd question if DS is offering to host so Dad / Step Dad doesn't drink?
You're going for dinner, there will be games, you're together with both your boys but Dad will be bored unless he's drinking. So much does he have to drink to enjoy everyone's company? And what's he like once he has one too many?

Your Christmases sound rubbish!

How do you spend Christmas?

Brilliant! 😀
And actually the son may be unbelievably boring! 😀

Having a nice time.

Yes but presumably not because you'd be bored without it.

That very much depends on which family members are about!

You clearly haven't met my relatives.😉

Very very fancy coffee. Monmouth, Hot Numbers or other fancy roastery.

Bring a bottle for yourselves, and take something else non-alcoholic for your hosts.

⬆️

Honestly?

If I knew they weren't alcoholics or whatever, I'd just tell them I'd be bringing a bottle of wine or whatever.

This is your son, come on OP, just ask him if you're not comfortable doing that!

Ask any collection of people who don't drink why not, and you'll get multiple different answers. Just among my own friends and acquaintances the list runs: religion, fitness, detox, metabolism slowing, personal addiction, triggers memories of a loved-one's addiction, makes people act stupid, don't like the taste, don't like the hangovers, too expensive, and prefers weed.
Depending on which of these applies, they might be fine with you drinking in their home, or very upset, or any place in between. None of us can guess.

A small hip flask to sup surreptitiously in the toilet or behind the christmas tree might do the trick

Offer to take wine and non alcoholic wine or an alternative maybe ask their preference?

I would have no problem taking a bottle of wine or champagne to have with my Christmas meal. Just because they don’t enjoy alcohol doesn’t mean you should not enjoy a drink on Christmas Day.

but would you do it without asking?

I don’t drink and never really have (don’t like the taste of alcohol) but whenever I have anyone over for dinner, a BBQ or Christmas I always have plenty of alcohol in the house for other people. I think it would be very odd if people came to visit and I offered them only soft drinks. If you don’t think it would cross your sons mind to get some alcohol in for you then just say for him not to bother himself with sorting out alcoholic drinks for Christmas as you will bring your own. That way he knows you will be drinking

Why though? Me and DH don’t drink coffee, never do. We keep coffee in case a visitor asks for it. I wouldn’t begrudge people having what they like, as a host.

I don’t think why can’t you enjoy tea, water or juice? I don’t consider it a judgement on my hosting. It’s just preference.

Of course, unless they ask not to!