Would you take a drink as a guest if the hosts didn’t drink?

[oppositehearts]

We usually do Christmas at our house and are used to having a few drinks with and after dinner.
Son and his girlfriend have said they would like to do Christmas this year.
We know neither of them drink and Dh has told me he wants to have a few drinks as it’s Christmas and he is planning to take something to drink.
I don’t particularly like the idea of a drink free Christmas either but happy to go with whatever but I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
Does it sound disrespectful? I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Just to add, he is not a heavy drinker.
Christmas is a special occasion and Dh likes to enjoy a drink at Christmas as a tradition.

I would just have a straightforward chat with them about it. If it is just because they don’t like drinking I’d think it’s likely they won’t mind their guests not drinking. You could offer to bring some alcohol along, which I don’t think would be weird at all - at Xmas surely most people turn up as a guest with flowers, chocolates, wine etc.

I don’t really drink but more because I don’t like it and would expect most guests would have alcohol if I was hosting Xmas. I wouldn’t be offended at all!

I'm very much in the I'd be sad not to have a drink at Christmas camp. And it doesn't sound like your son and girlfriend would be particularly against that. But I'd probably drink less/not get too merry just because, it does make a difference when some are drunk and some are sober and as hosts it's not much fun if your guests are too drunk. (TBH, I try not to get too drunk at all these days, but that's middle age for you.)

I think this is likely a situation where you and DH can have a few and everyone can have a nice time on their own terms.

I think it's really off. You behave in the manner of your hosts.

My DD doesn't drink. I would not think of taking alcohol to her house. I drink in front of her and I drink in my house. But no. Not cool to be drinking with all that it brings, altered mind set etc. (yes even with one drink.)

Your DH would be BORED? With his own daughter? I could never be bored spending the day sober with my own child

In the scenario you highlight, I wouldn't think twie about bringing drinnks with me. I would not necessarily assume that your son and DIL would provide or even if they did, they might not know what to so I'd say something to DS and ask what you can bring alongside, obviously wine/beer for the dinkers.

The only time I would not feel comfortale taking alcohol is if there's a very specific reason for not drinking. eg DH has family who don't drink for religious reasons. I wouldn't think twice about having a drink when they come to us, but I absolutely would not take wine to their house - that feels disrespectful to them.

Surely to goodness this is a very easy conversation to have with your son!!!!
Or have you never met the man??

Dear son. Thanks for the invite. Dad and I will bring our own wine unless either of you have any objections.

So have you said you’ll be attending? Ask if there anything they want you to bring “can we bring anything cheese, pudding, wine?” And see what he says.

If they are anti drink that’s one thing but if they don’t care but it might not occur to them to provide it that’s different.

And, importantly, how good will the gravy be if it’s not got red wine or brandy in it?!

Why would he be bored spending time with his family without an alcoholic drink?
It's a shame he can't enjoy Christmas without alcohol. But if it's that important to you both why don't you just ask your son if he would mind if you took some alcohol with you.

I don’t drink.

my question is why don’t you like the idea of a drink free Christmas? Why will your dh be “bored” if he doesn’t drink?

it says more about the drinkers imo that they can’t cope with a social event without the need for alcohol. Surely you can make conversation, chat, have a great time without alcohol?

it’s a common perception that non drinkers are the boring ones, when ime it’s the drinkers. The alcohol just makes them think they are funny, that they are chatty, witty and engaging, when the reality is they get to a point where it’s just drunk nonsense, they get arsey when others join in the drunken behavior, and then fall asleep on the sofa.

so, what is it about alcohol that makes other people less boring? are you saying your son and dil are not good company and you need alchohol to get through an afternoon with them?

The alcohol isn’t the real problem there!

You would be welcome to bring alcohol to mine as long as you didn’t expect me to drink it.

Regarding them buying alcohol for you to drink, I think that depends on what you like. In-laws like the higher end of things and I would have no idea what to buy (cost isn’t an issue). Whereas mine have bog standard stuff that would be easy to cater for.

Yes I can ask him but I am asking here first to see what the general consensus is.

I find it a bit sad he would be ‘bored’ spending Christmas Day with his family if he couldn’t drink. But it doesn’t sound like they will object to it so I don’t see an issue. Assuming he’s not getting blotto and being obnoxious.

No I don't drink !
I had my family round Saturday and everyone drinking except me and my son !
They should b ok if they comfortable with not drinking !!

It's odd you need to ask at all, but you should be able to ask with no stress.

This reads like alcohol dependence: I know Dh will be bored sitting there all day.
and I have said he should speak to them first but he won’t in case they say they’d rather he didn’t and then he won’t want to go.

Fwiw, I don't drink and would be fine about people bringing alcohol, except if they are problem/unpleasant drinkers - but then I'd probably avoid Christmas with them full stop as they would always want to drink.

Oh and I also provided all the drinks lol I'm a good host thou 😂

Just for context, is it just the four of you or will there be other family members (either yours or the GF's) there too and do they drink?

Just ask them- no biggie. You could do it as part of a more general query about what they'd like you to bring as a contribution to the festivities.

I would just take whatever you like to drink and say when you get there that you have brought your own because you know they don't drink. If they have bought in specially for you nothing lost. If you say you want to drink beforehand they will probably feel obliged to buy something.

I don’t drink and id find it weird you couldn’t go one meal without alcohol

It’s just us and our other son who is 16.

I’d take drink for myself and husband. Your son knows you have a drink at Christmas.
Then take something else tor the hosts.
eg chocolates / sweets / biscuits/ and ask of you can contribute eg buy the Turkey ?

It isn't just one meal it's Christmas day. My parents rarely drank but they did get a couple of bottles of beer and a bottle of sherry in for Christmas. If you don't want to that's fine, each to their own.

It’s not one meal without a drink is it. We go every meal without a drink.

That is not the point.

Anyone (unless addicted) can go without alcohol, but it is Christmas, it's tradition to have drinks. I don't drink either, but have tons of the stuff for others if they want it.

OP, is there a hidden story here at all? Does GF call the shots, and/or is DS the boss, and are you fearful of either or both of them? Because it is weird that you feel you must ask a bunch of strangers first before just normally asking or telling them what you will bring with you, including alcohol.