AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Children are not dogs. Why do people compare them.
Children are human beings. Dogs are pets not people

Place it with a dog sitter in the day and with your daughters at night, or kennel. I don’t like dogs and I’d not look after my mums dog in this scenario though I’d prob help her out with kennel fees (but i’m her daughter not DIL. You are being completely unreasonable and quite poorly behaved to your DIL.

Have you offered for her and the children to come stay in your house or are you expecting her to have the dog in her house? Or, if she did have the dog in her house, have you offered to pay for a deep clean after? Why is a dog sitter not an option?

We regularly use the same kennel and they are very helpful, contactable by text. In your situation I would ask them if they were available then drop the dog with one of the daughters for them to take to the kennels in the morning. It would involve asking for some employer flexibility but this may be possible if is just for a few hours.

Clearly you're a dog lover... that's your business.

But yours is the same as the ops problem, you just don't seem to understand that for some people, no dogs means no dogs. No exceptions.

Why can’t one of the daughters take AL leave to mind the dog?

Why would you leave your dog with someone who doesn't like it?
She doesn't like or want the dog in her house, end of conversation.

I'm not sure it's quite that clear cut in terms of feelings about dogs. I grew up with dogs and several family members have them, I wouldn't say I'm scared of them. But I am very uncomfortable around them in a way that goes beyond mere dislike - the chaos, the licking me, the jumping up at me (obviously depends a bit on the dog) are basically a sensory nightmare that I cannot cope with for very long. And if they're very boisterous I'm on edge about them being around my kid.

My parents have a friendly but large and boisterous dog and they have a long standing arrangement for temporary care with the breeder they got her from, there are also care places that are much more like farms than kennels, if you have a dog you need to have some kind of plan like that. I do a lot for my parents but I'm not sure I could have the dog for more than a day or so even in a real emergency, I just can't handle it.

I don’t like dogs (although I tolerate my PIL’s dog in our kitchen because DS loves her) but I also wouldn’t know how to look after a dog. What does it eat? Where does it sleep? Do I have to walk it? Pick up its poo? I’m too scared of dogs to actually touch them so I don’t see how I could look after one.

What an awful woman. I don't like spiders but would help you out in a situation like this. And, unlike spiders, there are many workplaces which have guide dogs etc in them, so while no one has to like dogs, unless you are happy about excluding those with disabilities, you need to be able to tolerate them. I made a point of getting my kids ok with dogs when they were little for this very reason.

Does she know she's the only one who doesn't work outside the home in the family? As in, I'd have some sympathy if she thought you had another option.

Bloody hell, entitled much?

This!! You’d also think by these replies the poor animal was a frothy mouthed pterodactyl not a presumably normal, house trained family pet.

YABU, OP, but I would also be annoyed and wish for more flexibility.

I dislike children, especially young children as i find them noisy, chaotic and stressful, and I don’t want them in my house, but in an emergency I’d agree to look after my small relatives because I’m not a total d*ck.

Or her son?

I have four dogs. I wouldn’t want them to go to someone who doesn’t like dogs! That said, I don’t know anyone that does not like dogs. Thank goodness! It’s weird.

I don't think YABU, it's an emergency, family should support one another. Is she allergic or is it a fear? That would change my mind, if it's just a dislike, if suck it up for a family emergency.

Well spotted @Byebyeblackbirds26. After reading that I had to do an advanced search and sure enough...
To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again | Mumsnet
I'm not surprised they've never asked OP to look after their child again. I'm even less surprised DIL won't look after the dog. I'm sure she loves her MIL bringing the dog over regardless when visiting.
She can't ever say yes even in this special circumstance because the first time she did, OP would expect her to accommodate the dog on all other occasions.

Even if she didn't mind having a dog in her home, with her husband working away, all the care of the dog would fall to her. In a previous post OP referred to her DIL having a baby, so I assume she has a small child to care for which would make taking the dog for walks/picking up poo quite difficult for her.

You are completely unreasonable. Your dil has done nothing wrong. Your expectations are way off.

YOU ARE BEINB VERY UNREASONABLE!

And it’s fuck all to do with your daughters

The world doesn’t revolve around your dog.

I don't mind dogs, but I've never cared for a dog in any shape or form. I've always had cats. Even if I didn't have a cat, the fact I have zero experience of dogs, would mean I wouldn't be looking after one. My husband is nervous of dogs, and there's absolutely no way he'd care for a dog in it's own home, let alone have one in our home.

Your DIL has made herself very clear, that she doesn't like dogs and won't have one in her home. She's been consistent with that stance. I'm not sure why you now think, she's going to change her mind?!

Unfortunately, you will have no choice but pay for a dog sitter or arrange for your dog to go into kennels. It might not be ideal, but that's the reality of the situation. You can't force your DIL to look after an animal she dislikes, that's completely unrealistic.

If a person does not like dogs it’s rarely akin to not liking the Beatles, or coffee. It’s a dislike that can run very deep
This would be way more than an imposition or a nuisance. I can’t believe the request was even made!
If a kennel is for some reason quite out of the question and the dog cannot accompany OP in the car, then one of her so, so busy and far more important offspring will have to take a few days off and deal with this.

But it has absolutely nothing to do with poor DIL, though I bet she will never be allowed to forget ‘letting down family’, yadda yadda. (Get the impression she is already somewhat sidelined)

I think the son is abroad? But he could easily come back and stay at the in laws to look after the precious dog

WTF

Your anger is misplaced @BadGran

Your son is abroad, your DiL doesn't like dogs. Both perfectly valid reasons for being unable to help.

Of the other 6 adults (2xDD's+partners) plus you and DH, you cannot find a solution amongst you?

Why does your DiL have to bear the brunt?