AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Being a “housewife” doesn’t mean she’s doing sweet FA.

Also why does it have to be family looking after the dog? Could you not ask a friend rather than trying to force someone who doesn’t like dogs.

This is true. Lots of people who don't necessarily have a fear still find dogs to be hard for sensory reasons and/or consider them unsanitary. That can be the case even when the dog is well behaved, which there's no reason to presume OPs is.

DIL also has sole care of a toddler, which opens up the question of whether said dog is going to be ok around a small child who isn't used to dogs.

She is a SAHM because she has at least one small child at home. She isn't a SAHM to take on other family members responsibilities.

There are actually very few guide/assistance dogs (7000) in the UK so you don't need to cope with them in the workplace in most cases. And they are very different from a pet anyway. Being a working dog doesn't solve the allergy issue but it solves any concern of employees about it jumping up, licking your face, being a hassle etc.

If people do not like dogs, they do not like dogs and it would be pretty unkind to dump a dog on someone who doesn't want it and has no idea how to look after it. It's interesting how so-called dog lovers show little or no consideration for dogs at times.

I'd look after someone's rabbit or guinea pig as I like them and had them as a child so have a bit more idea of how to look after them.

If you are about the welfare of an animal you find someone appropriate to look after it. not the nearest (female) relative.

And it's offensive to act as if children and dogs are in any way comparable.

This. Everybody is allowed to say no, bar her. Yes, you're being damned unreasonable.

Also -
"but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather"
You take your dog when you go visiting? Knowing the dog isn't welcome? Why are you not leaving the dog in your house when you visit? What the hell?

My issue with this, is that you are expecting the SAHM to take care of your responsibilities. She may have plans, why can’t your son and daughters come up with plan to care for the dog.

I like dogs but I would be uncomfortable having one in my house with small children’s who I wasn’t 100% sure of.

Your DIL doesn't like dogs. That includes your dog. You're extremely unreasonable expecting her to watch your dog.

Hire a pet sitter. Board your dog. But don't expect someone who doesn't even like dogs to take care of yours. 🙄

Of course you are very unreasonable. If your DIL wanted to have a dog she would have one. She was very clear that she wouldn’t want to look after yours so it’s not like she mislead you.

Is it a reverse by any chance?

Where are you? If I can help I will!!!!!

Just because she’s a SAHM doesn’t mean she’s at your disposal in an emergency! And you know you’re being completely unreasonable.

I do like dogs and have one but it’s really unreasonable to expect a person who doesn’t like them to look after one, it’s not fair on her or the dog.

Im not a lover of dogs, I have cats but Id certainly help out under these circumstances. Id prefer it not to be one of those dogs that slobber everywhere.

Why would you even want to send your dog to someone who doesnt like it? It’s like sending your child to someone who hates kids? Madness. Is dog boarding kennels not an option?

Why do you bring the dug to her house? Can’t your dog stay at home?
And no, your dog is not her problem. Pay for a sitter, or kennels.

I can’t imagine not helping a family member out in an emergency, and I would probably match that energy going forwards.

In this situation as you are with your husband, I'd take the dog with me. Worst case scenario you may have to book a hotel and take turns visiting the relative/caring for the dog.

Absolutely. People deciding thst DIL probably isn’t actually in mortal fear of dogs and so should ‘suck it up’ and pitch in are really full of it.
OP has three adult children, and she should get a grip here.
Or, either she or her husband can stay home to look after Bonzo. Why must both go?

This mysterious family emergency is effectively being entirely laid at DIL’s door, whereas if OP finds her own domestic circs are so utterly incapable of flexibility or elastic thinking re the dog, then that is where all this MN forensic personal analysis should be focussing.
Should she be flying to this person at all, if she is so fatally encumbered at home?

I'd bother to leave a proper post but seems like the OP has just plopped and run.
YABVU

Yes, you’re being v unreasonable.
she doesn’t like dogs, she doesn’t want it in her house.
Your dog is your responsibility - just because she is a housewife doesn’t mean she sits on her bottom all day.
Put the dog into kennels, or boarding.

(I love dogs, and work but recognise not everyone does, and my dog, my problem.)

OP has three adult children, and she should get a grip here.

According to the other thread by OP where she dropped her baby granddaughter on the head, there are two sons with children. So four adult children, although only three are mentioned here.

Pay for kennels or a petsitter. Your dog, your problem.

@BadGran do they have children?

I love dogs and think YANVU. I moved in with a relative to provide end of life care a few years ago and took my dog with me. Other relatives came and sat with the ill relative for a hour or two a day while I walked him. DH had to work, DCs had work / school and he’s too clingy / anxious for kennels so he came with me. I would have completely ruled out DIL from the start, knowing that she doesn’t like dogs. Why on earth would you want to leave your dog with someone who doesn’t like dogs and presumably has no experience in caring for one? Even if she agreed through gritted teeth I would be imagining my poor dog neglected, starving and desperate for attention.

Can’t you take the dog with you or just one of you go, or take it in turns to stay home? Why do you both need to go?

The ill relative is only actually related to one of you. Lovely that you both want to go to them, but, assuming there are no other dog care options, the unrelated one can stay at home.