To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

[BadGran]

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

Did you take her to hospital?

Oh what a shame - it was an accident and if something like that happened in isolation it wouldn’t necessarily stop me from asking you again.

Are they likely to have other worries OP? Are you generally fit, healthy and able?

Also just noticed that it was the first time you had looked after her, despite her being 1. Is there a reason for this?

Oh, I'm sorry OP, but I think it might be a while before they will be happy to leave her with you, and I'm not sure that there's anything you can say to change that.

That doesn't mean you won't see her, but I think you will have to wait and see what they decide re looking after her.

What did you do after she fell? Did you know what first aid to give and what checks to do? Did you ring them straight away?

I ask because your response would be just as important to me as the accident. If I felt you messed up twice, I definitely wouldn't have you mind them again. Even if it was an appropriate response though, my trust would be totally shaken. I wouldn't want you offering to take them again, might be a better idea to have supervised visits for a while?

They will be annoyed until they drop, knock, the child touches something hot, and then they will realise how easy it is have an accident that doesn't have lasting consequences.

It's not ideal that you dropped her but I am sure there are very few parents who haven't had an accident happen to their child on their watch.

If they think that won't happen or that your DGC will be safer with anyone other than you, then let them get on with it.

You aren't perfect because no-one is, including them.

Ahh OP, it’s probably really shaken them up. It might take some time before they ask again(how long ago was it? Maybe when baby is a bit older they will feel more confident.

You should probably not have been cooking whilst holding her either.

You clearly feel bad and I hope you don't get a MN pile on.

Accidents do happen. I would probably do some child safety / first aid training and let your DS know you are doing the same.

Agree that everyone has accidents, but dropping a whole toddler seems like a big one? My MIL handed my 6 month old back with a giant haematoma & apology the first time she minded him. She didn't realize the playmate was as thin as it was, or that he was as wobbly sitting up as he was. That I could understand more than not holding a slippery toddler properly.

I don't say that to pile on the OP - it really does sound like rotten luck! But I don't think downplaying it will help - it was a big whoops.

The idea of doing some paediatric first aid is excellent.

Maybe assure them that you won’t be carrying a 1yr old around while preparing tea in future! Impossible to balance a wriggly active toddler with one hand. Have a means of keeping her secure while you’re doing things - high chair/playpen/pushchair.

You should probably not have been cooking whilst holding her either.

This. Sorry OP, this alone would really bother me

Thank god you didn't spill the kettle on her!

My DD is 1.5 and my mum used to look after her sometimes, one, two, three times I forgive accidents even if they were avoidable but it was multiple times whenever she had her and it was always down to her not watching her/having junk all over her house. She could never admit it was her fault and always blamed someone else, she still doesn’t even have a stair gate. For this reason I don’t really want her looking after her anymore but I don’t want to tell her because it will hurt her feelings. Luckily I’m not working at the minute but I don’t k ow how to tell her she’ll be going to nursery instead.

Just to answer a few questions, I put a cold compress on her head and called her parents after I’d managed to calm her down - after the intial tears, she did calm down and was happy playing again so they didn’t feel like she needed to go to the hospital. A first aid course is a good idea though.

This happened in August so a few months ago now, I’ve seen her numerous times since and it’s not been mentioned again but just no requests to look after her.

I look after my older grandchildren weekly so no concerns re health etc.

By cooking I mean putting her tea in the microwave but I do take on board what you mean

Accidents happen. Your Granddaughter will no doubt have a few while in her parents care. Seems a bit off for them to ban you from looking after her.

I know exactly what you mean about the arching back, and unless you're their parent it's not something you may think of, or think to mention to someone caring for them.

But that's going to be difficult to come back from as the child could have been very, very hurt. It's not your fault, but it would be very counter-intuitive to hand the child over again wouldn't it? But I think you do need to discuss it because otherwise it will affect your relationship.

If it were me I might say I understand why I can't have the child and I will be here for them if they ever think I can again.

It's really sad, I'm so sorry.

I get it was an accident but for it to happen the very first time you’ve looked after her would make me question your capacity to manage her.
I’m a grandma too and I can image how awful you feel, hopefully they’ll come around and give you another chance.

Don’t cook while holding a wriggling toddler: strap her in to her high chair if she’s not happy playing on the floor.

My son broke his arm when his gran was looking after him - fell off a chair whilst cooking. She was more upset than me. Accidents happen.

I would honestly go with the plan of apology and getting on a first aid course. Get a playpen/stair gate set up whatever to make sure nothing like this happens again.

I think that this is one of those things that I would forgive and give you another chance, but only if you’d made an effort to understand what you’d done wrong and thought about how you might do things differently in future. Paediatric first aid is a good suggestion. But really you do need to reflect a little bit - it’s not the fact that your granddaughter arched her back that caused the accident, it was your failure to anticipate that kids can move around. It’s not really sensible to have a one year old on your hip whilst cooking and also you probably are not as strong as when you had your own kids and might have done this last (some grandparents do make this mistake - they don’t factor in that they are not as strong or fast as they were). You don’t deserve to be punished, but you do need to better consider what strategies you would employ in future.

I have wild children so am unfortunately well drilled in today's protocol for head injuries! Quick list of to dos when one happens: check for skull depressions, any boggy areas on the head. Check pupil response, to make sure they're symmetrical to each other and responding to light, monitor for nausea, dizziness or sleepiness, check for any bruising behind ears. First aid course is very helpful for peace of mind, would probably mean a lot to your DS too.

Don’t blame yourself, children fall all the time and while it’s frightening they are very resilient.

my DGS rolled off the sofa aged 11 months and bumped his head, he cried and then had some juice and he was fine.

it’s a hospital job only if they fall from five feet or higher, or if they lose consciousness / bleed.

They may just be waiting until she stops arching her back, until she's a bit older which isn't unreasonable.