AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

I think you are very very unreasonable! I don't have dogs in my house and I would never agree to look after anyone's dog. Your dog is your responsibility and no-one else's! If you don't want to put your dog in kennels, pay a home sitter to stay with your dog.

Same.

This, your daughters and you are so arrogant that they are annoyed by her household boundaries? Do you live in an area without kennels? Why are you not taking the dogs with you?

Why do you take it round to her house??? That's so bloody rude

Why can’t you use a kennel?

I disagree with other posters.

i get she doesnt like dogs. But this is a family emergency and during such time family should pull together to help out. I’d feel the same.
I’ve put myself out on numerous occasions to help look after various animals, making multiple trips a day etc , while working full time, young kids of my own etc - because they’re family and it’s what you do

I love dogs, have one myself that I hand-reared since before her eyes were open and have had them since I was independent enough to make the commitment. I still think the OP is being unreasonable here.

HOWEVER

Kennels isn't a 'quick fix solution' to put 'it' into (animals other than humans aren't 'its').

Kennels require;

A long notice period, which the OP does not have.

Certain vaccinations which not every dog,perhaps including OP's will have had.

A certain temperament of dog (think some kids will love being left at a kid's club all day on holuday, some will hate it, some kids like boarding school, some won't cope). My dog would be absolutely traumatised if I put her in kennels and I wouldn't ever as it would be cruel.

A certain amount of money which OP may or may not have, they're not cheap"

I get fed up of folk assuming you can just swing by a kennels on your way to wherever, chuck any old dog over and say 'Here's £50! Back in a couple o' weeks!'.

Why are you taking your dog to her home when you know she doesn’t like dogs?

Put it in kennels, it’s not her problem.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think close friends and family should help each other out in an emergency.
(assuming the dog is relatively easy/no aggressive of course)

And the responses on here just show how selfish people are these days

We had exactly this situation with my Mums dogs. She just expected us to drop everything to have them, 3 of them. When my son didn’t like dogs (he has autism, he’s 14 now but was younger at the time and was really unhappy around them) and I had my own health issues. I looked after them as an emergency thing for a few nights when she was in hospital but she seemed to expect me to have them for weeks and weeks on end. I had to say no. It’s unreasonable to expect someone who doesn’t like dogs to have them. You’ll have to put them in boarding.

Where is your son in this? Can he not come over and look after your dog???

I think this is one of those things that if you like dogs you just cannot get your head round.

It's not a minor inconvenience to have a dog, it's a mega undertaking with lots of responsibility for something that you actively do dislike and are possibly terrified of.

very very unreasonable.

I notice you only want women to help you. Daughters and a daughter-in-law.

Your son can go over twice a day and feed and walk the dog, can't he?

It's interesting that you accept your daughters employers boundaries but not your daughter in laws boundaries.

Agree. Something to reflect on, OP. She said no, and you're moaning about her on a public forum.

It's pretty selfish yes to expect a daughter in law to take responsibility for a dog instead of booking a sitter/kennel. True.

Why do both you and DH have to travel to see the sick relative? Can’t the person whose relative it is go and the other stay home with dog?

Which way? Selfish expecting other people to suddenly have dogs in their house or selfish not wanting dogs in their house?! Works both ways.

If there is no one else - one of you needs to go see the relative and one stay home with the dog.
We have a great cat sitter that also does overnight boarding - not that we have used her for that. Could that be an option - ask your friends if they know anyone.

No - your dog, your responsibility
No - she doesn't like dogs
No - your sneering at her 'housewife' title and indication that your children are 'just too busy to help' -

In short sort out your own bloody dog.

It's very selfish to take your dog everywhere and expect other people to pick up the slack when you can't look after it I agree.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time OP but I could not have a dog in my home. I think you are BU to expect the dog to be let into their home rather than the garden when you visit them too. Why does the dog have to come? It sounds like your DIL has been clear about this from the start.

I had to look after my mum’s dog for a week in an emergency and honestly I look back on it and shudder. It was awful. I wouldn’t do it again. Are there any boarding kennels nearby?

How would you expect her to look after the dog if it’s not alllowed in the house?

YABVU

Completely unreasonable to place the blame for this situation on your DIL.