AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

I love dogs. YABU.

Why is she "presumably" at home all day? Maybe she's made plans for while her DH is working abroad?

As already suggested - dog sitter / dog boarder / kennels.

and I have 3 dogs and would not be slagging off my dil on social media.

He works abroad…

Nothing that OP has written indicates that she'd give a balanced view of either DILs views, her own dog's behaviour or the imposition involved in an open ended period of looking after it.

I don't like dogs, my parents have them. In a difficult scenario I have offered to stay at there's to ensure the dogs are fed and walked but I would never have them in my house. These are dogs I've known a long time and whilst I'm not keen I tolerate them for my parents sake.

I don't have a dog because I don't want to look after a dog.

You are being unreasonable.

Emergencies are a predicatable part of life and plans for your dog in an emergency should be part of deciding to get a dog.

I adore dogs, but it was entirely predictable that during your dog’s lifetime there would be times you couldn’t be with it, and it’s not your DiL’s job to solve that for you. You’ll have to get a sitter.

Sitter or kennels or you don’t go. Your dog, entirely your problem. You cannot expect someone who dislikes dogs to have one in their house!

I guess that they hope to rope the DIL in and make her the default dog care, because they are soooo busy.

Which would be yet another reason for the DIL to watch her boundaries. Once she hesitates, they will always be too busy.

Just because people on Mumsnet trot out the old ‘no is a complete sentence’ line doesn’t make it true. I can barely think of any example when ‘no’ is a sufficient response to a question. No wonder so many families don’t get on and so many people don’t have any friends, if they think that’s a good way to communicate.

Agree with you about the dog issue, though.

our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Annoys your daughters? It’s absolutely nothing to do with them so they and their opinion are irrelevant here!
YABU for taking a dog round to a house where you know the owner doesn’t like them and isn’t welcome, why don’t you leave the dog at home whilst you visit? Or are you hoping if the weathers not great you can try guilt them into letting the dog inside!?
Anyway yes YABU for being upset at your DIL over this, your dog is not her responsibility

I think you're out of order to even take your dog there when you know she doesn't like them, to then moan with your daughters about the dog having to go in the garden is even worse. You seem to have quite the sense of entitlement when it comes to your dog. Your DIL is perfectly reasonable to refuse to look after your dog,

Given that you said you dropped your son and DiL's child on its head when you were babysitting, I wouldn't push the entitlement too far if I were you OP.

I would love to hear the DiL's side of this situation and family dynamic.

Definitely think she must have the patience of a saint!

Same here. There are dog sitters and kennels. Or take it with you if you can drive and it's in the UK.

I was actually very impressed with my mum who isn't a dog person who dog sat for a friend while she went to hospital recently, I am not sure I would be that kind. But it was only for a few hours until the friend's husband got back and she went to their house. Very different to having it in your own house for what I assume would be several days.

Sorry op but your dog, your problem. Your stress isn’t your daughter in laws burden.

Have they got kids. What happens if you don't like looking after kids.

Seriously if get someone else. Surely you'd want someone who likes dogs to do it anyway.

If she doesn't like dogs you can't expect her to look after yours. I don't mind them but I wouldn't want to look after one in my house.
If you don't want to put your dog in kennels o
can't you find a pet sitter? It's really not your daughter jn law's responsibility to look after your dog and it's unfair for you and your daughters to expect her to.

Whoever's side the relative in need is on, goes, other spouse remains home to look after dog.

DiL is being perfectly reasonable.

Please don't bully your dil into having your dog. And call off your daughters.

Poor woman. She will know you are all talking about her.

Children are not dogs.

In that situation you think she’d help but doesn’t sound like she will, so best to look for a dog sitter.

I get on very well with my family and my friends. I see no as a full sentence, if I don't want to do something I will just say no. Why lie to them by coming up with false excuses? That's not to say I wouldn't go out of my way to help them, I absolutely would, but I can and do say no without explanation sometimes.

If she doesn’t like looking after kids then she doesn’t have to look after kids.

Sorry but if you don’t like dogs you don’t like them. I wouldn’t look after one either.