AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

They probably have big important manly jobs to do, whereas DIL is just a housewife so obviously needs to know her place 🙄

...but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

What annoys your daughters? That she doesn't let the dog in her home? Why do your daugthers even have an opinion on it?

And, why do you bring your dogs to desacrate her lovely dog-free garden? It is already a huge compromise on their side!

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She has 0 relationship and probably 0 experience with the dogs. She can't take it even if she was willing to.

You are annoyed because you think about her as about potential dog care. She isn't.

This

Why are you taking the dog to their house when you visit?

Your daughter in law has told you she doesn’t like dogs and has set her boundaries (good for her) think she has been more than nice letting the dog in the garden when you visit in the first place.

Understand you are stressed but you need to respect her boundary. Look for a local dog sitter to help you or put the dog in kennels.

You have three adult children who dont want to dog sit but it’s DILS fault? You are horrible

Well she is presumably at home all day, which makes it a bit easier. However, if you don’t like dogs it’s a big ask.

I don’t like dogs and wouldn’t have one in my garden or house in any circumstances.
Find a dog sitter or kennel.

Why can't one of your daughters have the dog and arrange a dog-walker if there is no-one in their household who can look after the dog during the day? Why do you take your dog to your son's house when you visit?

The kindest interpretation of this is that you're doing that thing when people who are under deep stress complain about some relatively minor/unreasonable thing to distract themselves from the actual problem.

I'm sorry about your relative. If you want to be able to leave your pets in any one of your children's homes with no notice the onus is on you to choose something acceptable to all of them.

Maybe I'm assuming too much, but as the op didn't mention that her daughter-in-law has a phobia of dogs or that the dog in question is particularly large, aggressive, or frightening, I'm assuming that it's more a matter of the daughter-in-law just not liking dogs and probably not wanting her home to smell like a dog. Fair enough, but I do think it's selfish to refuse to help in an emergency situation.

All that said, if she won't agree to care for the dog, then she won't. Getting a dog walker during the day and keeping the dog with one of your daughters is probably the best bet.

Yabvu.

I absolutely could not/would not have a dog in my home. Especially not with my children.

Just put the dog in kennels. It wont be a particularly busy time of year for that.

If that's that much of a dire emergency the dog can stay at one of your daughter's homes while they work for the sake of a few days. It won't melt.

I don’t want dogs in my home so yes if you insisted that your precious pooch couldn’t stay home they could stay in the garden.

No I wouldn’t dog sit either because if I wanted a dog I’d have one frankly.

None of your children will watch the dog so stop just blaming you dil, A in law over your own children. Also however it’s not their fault or job to look after your pet.

Sorry but you're being completely unreasonable.

I am not fond of dogs (nothing personal against the dogs themselves, I was scared of them as a child and have never been comfortable around them) and I would never have one in my house or look after one because of how I feel.

You can't be angry at someone for not accommodating your pet when they don't like them! You chose to have a dog and yes it is an unfortunate situation but you can't be unfairly mad at someone who doesn't like dogs for not wanting to look after them. I'm very sorry that you have an ill relative but you'll need to pay for a kennel or dog sitter.

Good point about the daughters. If OPs account is accurate, they've got quite a cheek.

It’s your dog. Why would you expect your DIL to have any responsibility for it. And why are you guilt tripping her?

I hate dogs. I hate the smell, the noise, their need for attention, the way they pant - everything. I’m also afraid of them since being bitten by a patients dog. I wouldn’t have a dog in my house nor would I offer to around and feed/walk/let out a dog. Put it in kennels or take it with you

Put it in kennels!!!! I hate dogs too. Wouldn’t be able to have a dog here in my house

Your dog, your responsibility. Put it in kennels.

I say this as a dog owner and also have to travel for work sometimes at short notice - unless my partner and kids can cover their care they go in kennels.

She doesn’t like dogs so hasn’t done anything wrong. Put the dog in the kennels. I’m sorry you’re going through a difficult time. I hope everything goes well for you and your relative.

Obviously op and her magnanimous dd have clearly decided it’s the lazy “housewife” dil who should be taking up the slack to manage the family probs… NOT their husbands:.

This , 100%.

Unfortunately if she doesn't like dogs, she doesn't like dogs. And, sorry to ask, why do you take the dog to hers when she doesn't like dogs, just to sit in the garden? I don't understand this thing now where people take their dogs everywhere.

Anyway, good luck with it all and hope the visit is ok - and the relative makes a full recovery.

Good for her for sticking to her guns. Mumsnet is always saying ‘no is a complete sentence’.

You are being unreasonable - put the dog in kennels. Or find a paid dog sitter.

As someone who isn't a dog person I wouldn't know how to look after a dog. I wouldn't know how to get them off me if they jumped on me or how to safely grab them if needed. My house wouldn't be dog proofed. It isn't reasonable to expect a non-dog owner to be prepared in this way however dire your situation might be.

Her being a SAHM is neither here nor there.

YABU. I think DIL has been very accommodating in the past to even allow the dog in their garden. I think it is unreasonable to ask someone to have a dog in their home.