Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

682 replies

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

OP posts:
AnnaQuayRules · 13/09/2026 19:57

CuriousKangaroo · 13/09/2026 19:51

I think dog owners simply fail to understand that some people just don’t like dogs. I wouldn’t have one in my house due to the smell alone. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with an ill relative, but what you are asking of her is unreasonable. Her working status is neither here nor there.

Edited

It isn't fair to lump all dog owners together.

We have a dog. There is no way I would expect our Ds and his partner to look after it in an emergency, as she is allergic to him. I'd book him in with his regular dog minder or arrange for him to go to kennels.

Not all dog owners are selfish

millymollymoomoo · 13/09/2026 19:57

No, it’s selfish of family not to help out IN AN EMERGENCY

of course if it was a holiday or other then op could sort out other arrangements. at short notice it’s not possible. The dil doesn’t work and could put up with inconvenience for a few days.

Kirbert2 · 13/09/2026 19:57

Of course she isn't going to help, she's made it very clear that she doesn't like dogs.

Take the dog with you or pay for a sitter.

Steeleydan · 13/09/2026 19:57

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Get a dog sitter to move into your house

AgileMentor · 13/09/2026 19:58

get a pet sitter. I have one coming for when we go away for a week in 10 days time.

NewGoldFox · 13/09/2026 19:58

Just remember you’re freed from any similar obligations to her and your son.

Happytaytos · 13/09/2026 19:59

millymollymoomoo · 13/09/2026 19:57

No, it’s selfish of family not to help out IN AN EMERGENCY

of course if it was a holiday or other then op could sort out other arrangements. at short notice it’s not possible. The dil doesn’t work and could put up with inconvenience for a few days.

It's not JUST inconvenience though.

Lemonyyy · 13/09/2026 19:59

Can't one of your daughters work from your house? Yabu I'm afraid, she's not obligated to look after your dog!

ToddlerFun1234 · 13/09/2026 19:59

So your daughters have convenient excuses which you accept, but DIL is the mean one???

Plenty of people work full time and still have dogs. Ask your daughters again. Or, you know, take responsibility for your own pet and PAY for a sitter.

Puppalicious · 13/09/2026 20:00

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

you don’t mention your sons in law. Can they help? Or just women?

noctilucentcloud · 13/09/2026 20:01

I like dogs, I have had a dog but I think you're being unreasonable, sorry OP. That said, I think people who are blindly saying pay someone don't realise how far in advance you have to book these things. I'd be asking friends or close colleagues that like dogs, neighbours you are friendly with, local dog sitters and local kennels on the off chance. But you have to respect it if they say no. Or look at taking the dog with you (assuming it's not abroad).

ShanghaiDiva · 13/09/2026 20:01

ChihuahuaChica · 13/09/2026 19:34

She doesn't like dogs. It's really that simple.

Absolutely! Your dog, your problem.

Kidsandhouse · 13/09/2026 20:01

ChihuahuaChica · 13/09/2026 19:34

She doesn't like dogs. It's really that simple.

Didn't have to read past this...

You are absolutely 💯 unreasonable.

Rhaidimiddim · 13/09/2026 20:01

BadGran · 13/09/2026 19:32

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Do either of your SILs work from home?

Your DIL has a long-standing boundary here, and youbare not respecting it, or her.

Crunchymum · 13/09/2026 20:01

We are a cat household so couldn't have a dog, even in a complete emergency. However I'd be willing to walk (a few times per day) and feed my MIL's dog for a few days as she lives very close by and I WFH so would be able to facilitate this.

If it was for a relative further away then I'd not be able to help.

Can one of your DD take emergency AL? Do they have partners who can help?

Do you have a dog sitter who can provide emergency cover to to tide you over?

Also don't let the family dog be a stick to beat your DIL with. The whole "DD's are happy to help but DIL isn't" doesn't seem like a fair way to look at this.

Hope you get it all sorted.

coronafiona · 13/09/2026 20:02

Find a kennel near where you are going?

georgebungleszippy · 13/09/2026 20:02

LinguisticallyInclined · 13/09/2026 19:42

I love dogs, have one myself that I hand-reared since before her eyes were open and have had them since I was independent enough to make the commitment. I still think the OP is being unreasonable here.

HOWEVER

Kennels isn't a 'quick fix solution' to put 'it' into (animals other than humans aren't 'its').

Kennels require;

A long notice period, which the OP does not have.

Certain vaccinations which not every dog,perhaps including OP's will have had.

A certain temperament of dog (think some kids will love being left at a kid's club all day on holuday, some will hate it, some kids like boarding school, some won't cope). My dog would be absolutely traumatised if I put her in kennels and I wouldn't ever as it would be cruel.

A certain amount of money which OP may or may not have, they're not cheap"

I get fed up of folk assuming you can just swing by a kennels on your way to wherever, chuck any old dog over and say 'Here's £50! Back in a couple o' weeks!'.

Edited
Show quote history

If a person is going to take on the responsibility of a dog then they should be thinking about the possibility that at some point they may need care for that dog. I do not understand anyone who decides to get a dog and assumes that other people will take care of it.

So you make sure it’s vaccinated, you take it to kennels for regular visits. Ideally you would research kennels before getting the dog.

You assume that if that dog is unable to go to kennels for whatever reason, this will curtail your life for 15 years or so. If you are not prepared to drastically change your life then don’t get a dog. It’s not mandatory. Other people do not ever have to look after your dog. Ever. If they want to, that’s great. But even then you cannot assume they will always be available. So you need a backup plan for emergencies.

Byebyeblackbirds26 · 13/09/2026 20:02

Team DiL here.

You have no right to expect her to have your dog in her house knowing she doesn't like dogs.

She probably knows you and your daughters have been bitching about her behind her back as well, so she's well within her rights to not help you. You and your daughters have no right to be angry at her for insisting the dog stays in the back garden, you're lucky she lets it go there give you know how she feels about dogs.

You sound a pushy and entitled MiL tbh.

Rainbowralph · 13/09/2026 20:02

puppysleepdeprivation · 13/09/2026 19:52

I voted that you are not being unreasonable, but it really depends on the circumstances. If you're expecting her to have the dog in her house, then you are being unreasonable, I'm afraid. If you're asking her to come over now and then and help take care of the dog through the day, or possibly keep the dog safely outdoors at her own home, then I think that's the kind of thing you do for your family, or in this case your in-laws. It's not ideal if she doesn't like dogs, but I would make every effort to help because I care about the people who care about the dog. I'm not fond of snakes for instance, but if a family member needed me to feed and water their pet snake for a week or two, I would do it if I possibly could.

I couldn’t look after a snake under any circumstances for anyone, I’m terrified of them! We don’t know how the DIL is actually fearful or dogs or just doesn’t like them. We also don’t know what the dog in question is like. I don’t like dogs but not actively scared of them, I could probably cope with looking after a small dog for a couple of days but not a large dog or an aggressive dog.

ReturnYourParcel · 13/09/2026 20:02

user1471538275 · 13/09/2026 19:45

No - your dog, your responsibility
No - she doesn't like dogs
No - your sneering at her 'housewife' title and indication that your children are 'just too busy to help' -

In short sort out your own bloody dog.

This! Very well put.

HedgerowD · 13/09/2026 20:03

I like dogs but I wouldn't help out either. Get a dog sitter or find space in kennels. They won't be fully booked at this time of year. You're being ridiculous.

Kidsandhouse · 13/09/2026 20:03

I don't like dogs.

I wont have one in my home, doesn't matter who's dog or what the emergency.

Just no.

Never have, never will.

(In my 50s for reference. It's a long standing and solid stance)

ThankYouNigel · 13/09/2026 20:03

YABU. I like dogs, my DH doesn’t. My sister has dogs, they are not allowed in our home, she respects that. My husband lives there and has a right to feel comfortable in our own home. You’ve chosen to have a dog in your home, anyone else connected to you has not.

I think this is more about wanting to feel she cares and will help you out during a tough time. Her not liking dogs to me is separate to her level of care/affection towards you as a human.

ChateauProvence · 13/09/2026 20:03

I can’t stand dogs and wouldn’t care for one emergency or not - it’s not your DIL fault or responsibility - ask your daughters to take some time of work to help you or find a kennel .

LoveItaly · 13/09/2026 20:04

SockPlant · 13/09/2026 19:44

very very unreasonable.

I notice you only want women to help you. Daughters and a daughter-in-law.

Your son can go over twice a day and feed and walk the dog, can't he?

Bit hard if he’s working abroad, I would have thought.