AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

Pay for a dog sitter.

I wouldn't ask anyone to look after our dog who doesn't like dogs, i also wouldn't insist my dog goes into someone's house even family, your Dil is doing nothing wrong, im assuming your child who she is married to supports no dog in their house ?

Kennels. And you pay for it. Not everyone likes dogs.

Well done to your DIL for sticking to her own boundaries.
Very interesting that you think that because she's at home, she is automatically available.

On another note, if you know she doesn't like dogs, stop taking it to her house and leave it at home. If your dog can't cope for a few hours with a good walk either side then it probably needs some input training-wise.

I know this sounds crazy, but you should have a pre-existing relationship with a trusted pet-sitter if you are going to have a dog.

That reminds me, we just got a puppy. Our pet sitter isn’t going to work for our new situation. I need to fix that even though we have no plans to leave during the puppy stage.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. She doesn’t like dogs. If she is scared or nervous around dogs she really shouldn’t be looking after one.

Pay for someone to do it like everyone else.

Given how much notice you need to give kennels (and I'd never in a million years leave my dogs in one), it's not the sort of thing you can rustle up overnight.

It's looking like one of you will have to go to the relative OP and the other stay with the dog?

What even is this? Of course YABU.

I think dog owners simply fail to understand that some people just don’t like dogs. I wouldn’t have one in my house due to the smell alone. I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with an ill relative, but what you are asking of her is unreasonable. Her working status is neither here nor there.

I voted that you are not being unreasonable, but it really depends on the circumstances. If you're expecting her to have the dog in her house, then you are being unreasonable, I'm afraid. If you're asking her to come over now and then and help take care of the dog through the day, or possibly keep the dog safely outdoors at her own home, then I think that's the kind of thing you do for your family, or in this case your in-laws. It's not ideal if she doesn't like dogs, but I would make every effort to help because I care about the people who care about the dog. I'm not fond of snakes for instance, but if a family member needed me to feed and water their pet snake for a week or two, I would do it if I possibly could.

Why do you take your dog with you when you visit when you know you can’t bring it in? Seems really odd

Of course she can say no but people can and will judge her for it. DILs usually go the extra mile to get along with their PILs and she clearly won't. Yes she is within her rights but she's unyielding and obstinate I suspect too.

I'm not a dog person and would feel totally on edge having one in my house esp if I had responsibility for looking after them, yabvvvvu.

Of course yabu, can't believe you're even asking.

So because your dil is a sahm she is obliged to be your dogsitter?

I don't think that's reasonable at all!

She doesn't like dogs and doesn't want them in her house. It needs to go in kennels if you have nobody to look after it. I don't usually allow dogs in my house. And certainly not as overnight guests.

Some dog owners, most are aware not everyone can care or even like their dogs.

Agree.

You cant leave your dog with someone who doesn't have any experience of dogs anyway. She won't know how to look after it. Its not fair on the dog. Maybe find a dog sitter who would have your dog to stay at their home, or look after it in your home. Or just one of you see to the ill relative?

Why should she? She didn't choose to get a dog.
Just pay for kennels, and stop relying on your family to bail you out.
Oh, and it's 2026..... "a housewife"??

YABU. You need to find another solution. Maybe a dog walker and one of your daughters. Your DIL doesnt like dogs.

Yes she should know her place 🙄

Seriously, as a dog owner, you should have a plan for things like this. Why can't the dog go with you? Why can't either you or husband stay at home with the dog? Why can't you look for a kennel or sitter?

My parents and two sisters have/have had dogs. They take their dogs to one anothers houses and dog sit for one another.
I do not have a dog, I do not want a dog. They don't bring their dogs to my house and I don't dog sit for them.

If it's the day time that is the problem, could your daughters have the dogs and arrange a dog walker or doggy daycare whilst they are at work?

Both of my sisters use dog walkers during the day as they work

YABVU. I really dislike dogs and I wouldn’t have one in my house. I wouldn’t know how to look after one either.