AIBU to feel upset my daughter-in-law will not help with our dog?

[BadGran]

I know I probably IABU but I need a little moan. My husband & I are currently in a very difficult situation with a very ill relative and we need to travel to see them urgently.

It’s all happened very quickly and as a result we are struggling to find someone to look after our dog while we are away. We have 3 children - our 2 daughters are always happy to chip in with the dog where they can when we are in a bind but my son’s wife does not like dogs and won’t have them in her house which i do understand but means our dog has to stay in the garden when we go to their house which isn’t always ideal depending on the weather etc and I know it annoys my daughters.

Anyway both my daughters have jobs with no flexibility or working from home options so can’t help on this occasion. My son is working abroad. My Daughter-in-Law is a housewife so theoretically could help but as previously mentioned she refuses to have anything to do with the dog.

I know she is perfectly within her rights and it’s our dog not hers but I’m finding it quite hard not to feel quite cross about the whole situation as I feel this is adding an additional layer of stress in already horrible circumstances.

AIBU to feel this way ?

The fact that you bring your dog to their house when you visit is very telling.

It’s your dog and your responsibility no one has to look after it for you and the fact you get some help from your other daughters is a real positive. You have options these are dog kennels and pet sitters. Sounds like you don’t want to pay for food quality care for your dog

I love dogs (all animals) and hate people and even I am struggling to find your DIL as unreasonable here. Dogs are a HUGE commitment, and if someone doesn’t want to look after a dog that they did not choose or commit to then that is absolutely their right.

tbh its better she says no than take your dog in and not look after it. Depends on why she doesnt like dogs and how long you will be away for

I'd much rather have the snake! I like snakes, I'm comfortable handling them, and they don't smell.
I have the emotional bandwidth to realise that other people feel differently.

Unlikely since OP's previous thread was complaining that DIL/DS haven't asked her to look after their child after OP dropped them on their head.

So you think it's ok to dump a supposedly much loved pet with someone who doesn't want to, and doesn't know how to, look after it.

As I said upthread, the so-called dog haters aren't the problem here.

It’s not about that though is it - if you aren’t a dog person, you won’t even know where to begin in looking after a dog!

Probably but that’s never bothered me 😁 I don’t have much time for people who don’t like dogs. I honestly think there is something fundamentally wrong with them. And yes I have been bitten by a dog

I'm far from inflexible when it comes to helping family and friends in emergencies and also in day to day life.

But i don't do that (dogsitting)

Maybe dog sitting was what meatloaf was singing about all along!

I was definitely singing it as i posted! 🤣🤣🤣

I'm genuinely shocked that you take your dog to their house when you visit.

She doesn't like dogs.

Of course she isn't going to look after a dog. She doesn't like them. Is very clear about that, and therefore would have no idea how to look after a dog

Ha!

I admire her for sticking to her boundaries while you try and demolish them.

How ridiculous!!! She’s not a dog person. Do not take your dog to her house and then moan he’s out in the garden.

I don’t like dogs and I wouldn’t want one in my house either.

Put the dog in kennels or don’t go

When you own a pet you MUST consider all costs and instances and not just the cute cuddly bit.

So before you purchase an animal you have to be able to afford
food, vet bills, insurance, Kennel costs when away or emergencies, dog walking (daily if working). Any adhoc help should be gratefully accepted but never expected. Your pet your responsibility.

And all this comes from a dog owner fed up with other peoples half baked ownership.

Interesting because I think there is something fundamentally wrong with people who prefer dogs to people and who don't understand that not everyone is the same.

Its your dog not hers.
Its like people with kids they always need help with the kids, well they are your kids so you deal with them, same as your pets.
Not mine not my responsibility either.

Definitely unreasonable. She doesn't like dogs therefore she's not obliged to have one in her home. You can't expect someone to tolerate something they're not comfortable with in their own home.

All these people are your family, not your staff. You will need to pay someone to pop in and feed/walk your dog, either at your house or at the home of a working daughter who is prepared to allow access to a daytime dog-walker that you arrange, until space comes up in a boarding kennel.

This. I am like your daughter-in-law. I don’t want to be like that but I am! I wasn’t brought up with dogs and I’m really uncomfortable around them. And I also wouldn’t want a dog in my house ever. I’m not super house proud. It feels like asking a vegan to eat a steak. And if your son is away, she’d be the only adult with it. Nightmare.

Yes but also no. Children are children of the family too so there is a role for an auntie/grandparent etc.

Not every grandparent or auntie wants or will be the back up baby sitter.

I wouldnt be able to help out and I love my parents and family. I’m uncomfortable around dogs. I literally wouldnt know what to do with a dog in my house. I think if you have dogs / really like dogs, it can be hard to empathise (obviously most dog owners do empathise, but there is a core that seems to impervious).