AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

You are FWB you are fuck buddies. If that doesn’t work for you then find a proper FWB arrangement

If you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it!

Whatever this is its clearly not working for you as you dont feel like you are benefitting from or enjoying this arrangement.

FWB can work differently but clearly there is very little in terms of friendship here - however, I personally would much prefer that. Talk to him and see where you stand and what he thinks. You could either tell him you want more contact (which I doubt will go anywhere) or you stop it and arrange something more suitable to your needs.

I have this exact arrangement and have had it for four years. It works fine for me. We meet every few weeks, have lovely sex, and then don't communicate until one of us wants to meet again. For others it wouldn't be fine. If it wasn't fine for me I'd talk to the guy or end it. Suggest you do the same.

You're Fuck Buddies. Not a FWB. So in essence you are both using each other for sex. If you want more and he's not willing you end it and move on to what you want. FWB or LTR.

We’ve always used protection. If I’m not in a relationship im using condoms

My question is why you feel you need permission to walk away from a situation that is making you feel uncomfortable

Honestly OP, that is not a FWB situation.
That is just free sex.
There is no buddy in that equation just free fxxking.

I have a couple of friends that have that arrangement and they just call in very very casual dating when they are both free.

Drinks, movie or dinner every so often, a good sex.
They have zero interest in a formal relationship.
They see the men as friends with benefits and enjoy a casual night out and sex.
No complications.

Next time he texts, just reply "I'm busy".
Nothing more.
Or plain ignore it.

It's not working for you. Stop seeing him. Date normally.

Time to back out OP, not working for you

I don’t, I was more looking for others opinions on similar situations or some clarity that the lack of communication wasn’t normal for this situation

That's not 'friends with benefits' arrangement, because you aren't friends! You don't communicate with each other, only to arrange to meet for sex, you don't socialise together, so therefore you have no friendship.

This is purely a 'booty call' or 'hook up', where it is nothing more than sex.

Clearly the man involved here isn't interested in having conversations with you or socialising with you. You are there for sex, when he feels like it.

If this isn't the type of arrangement you want, then tell him that the arrangement isn't something you want any longer, you'd prefer to meet someone for a proper relationship.

You aren't both on the same page here. It's not necessarily his fault or yours but you don't want the same type of arrangement.

I think this is a mismatch in needs. It appears he was clear, he jist wanted casual sex, he didn’t say friendship or a relationship just casual sex. Which is literally what’s happening.

but you want more, in fact I think you want a relationship. So jist end it. You’re not friends with benefits as he is not your friend, he is a stranger you met on an app, who made it clear he didn’t wish to have a relationship with you but if you wanted to offer up sex he was willing, he maybe has multiple women he’s doing this with.

just end it, it’s not for you and you won’t get him to change his mind, and don’t agree to casual sex with a man if you’re really hoping for more.

Some people just want to hook up for sex, you agreed to it. He never offered anything more. I would end this situation, it isn’t for you. Don’t offer sex in future on the internet, as that’s what you get. Offer friendship with possible sex if that’s what you want, be explicit in what you want. If that’s not what the other person wants then they can cut the conversation short. This guy never said he wanted friendship and is probably under the assumption that you are wanting the same sex with no strings attached that he does.
just message him and say, sorry I am going to cut this situation off now as I have realised I want something different. Then block him and never speak to him again.
next time say what you want and don’t offer more.
you can’t be friends with benefits unless you are friends first. So develop some friendships, meet people who are looking for human connection, then you both decide if you want to include sex as an added benefit.

This sounds more like a fuck buddy arrangement than FWB. Admittedly I’ve been married for the best part of a decade now so completely out of the loop, but any FWB situation I ever found myself in always started as friends first, then sex invariably got added into the mix (usually after a few drinks), if the sex was good the friendship would often continue with plenty of hook ups until things eventually got murky, one person ended up hurt and both parties never spoke again 😂

Why are you using him for sex if you want something else?

Op yes, in answer to your above question the no communication or friendship sort is very normal in a fuck buddy or booty call situation. It’s no strings or emotion attached and no involving in each others lives and no expectations from either side of anything at all.
I don’t think you want this type of thing so I would cut it short now while you have the upper hand. If you leave it then you will get more emotionally attached and then probably ask him for more and he will say no and then you will be hurt.

That's why casual sex and so called 'friends with benefits' arrangements do not work for many people.

FWB as far as I am concerned is jut meeting the same person regularly for sex. There is no friendship or any kind of emotional connection beyond that.

So it seems it is not for you and you need to start dating men who want more than just sex.

It's not what you want so end it. It is just using each other for sex, fine if that's what you want but you don't.

I’m not. I want sex, he wants sex.
I don’t want a relationship with him.

Everyone has their own definition.

I’ve always kind of seen FWB as a relationship where you are primarily friends who enjoy doing things together, but also enjoy sex with one another.

And, ideally, the friendship continues even after the sex ends.

And a fuckbuddy (delightful term!) is precisely what you have right now. Even if it were primarily sex, showing that you realise your FB is a human being worthy of the odd nice text seems pretty basic.

Friends with benefits are sex with people you like and have chemistry with but don't want a romantic relationship with. It's a temporary thing, not long term.

A booty call is exactly that. One person calls, the other goes over, sex happens.

@AdeptLilacHare , he's putting in the least effort possible and you're unhappy with that and want more. It's fine to end this because this minimal thing isn't working for you.

Just put an end to this 'arrangement'. It's making you feel bad and there's nothing good about that.

Then what is the issue then you are both shagging so what's the problem