AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

That’s not friendship with sex, is it? It’s sex without friendship.

The term FWB indicates exactly that - friends who sleep together.
The question becomes, were you friends first and this is a change in tone/contact or has this been the arrangement from the beginning.
If it's the latter, I would say you aren't FWB as there's no friendship developed.

You’re not describing FWB, you’re describing casual sex with booty calls because you two are not friends.

You aren’t someone who should be in a FWB scenario

I dont think you are being used as he could say the same about you, but what is clear is, your wants have changed and you dont like the situation anymore. With all that in mind, I'd end the arrangement.

If you don’t like it, stop doing it.

Yes, you're being used.

That's not a FWB that's a fuckbuddy. However I don't know of many genuine FWB situations where the friendship part doesn't become unsustainable if kept at a very surface level or where it becomes confusing if the friendship becomes deeper and more genuine.

This situation isn't working for you so call time on it.

How?

Exactly @SpottyPyjama

The question is do you want to carry on knowing that it is just sex and nothing else ?

Aren’t you using each other? I’ve never been in an arrangement like this and wouldn’t because it sounds horrible. But I don’t see he’s doing anything wrong, you’re mutually using each other for sex, you’re not dating.

Thats missing the f part of fwb

This. If both parties are fine with this set up that's one thing, but you're not. Say you're ending the arrangement.

You're a booty call. There's no kind of interaction, you just meet up for sex.

If you don't like it, stop meeting the guy. FWB, booty call, situationship, it's all sex with no strings. You want some dates and hanging out without sex so those types of things are not for you.

These kinds of relationships are whatever works for both. You will feel used if you want more than he is giving you. You're using him for sex as well, aren't you?
I've had similar relationships where I wanted a friendship and felt "cheap". In other cases I really just wanted sex and nothing else.
I found out many men are capable of having sex consistently with women they don't like very much. Whereas I, for example, cannot do that. If I find a guy boring or unintelligent, after a while I just cannot keep meeting him, even if sex is good.

As there doesn't seem to be much (or anything) in the way of friendship between you how did the arrangement actually start?

And obviously any set up is fine as long as you're fine with it - whatever label you put on it, but you don't seem satisfied or fully comfortable with things as they are.

That's not what I'd call friends with benefits, it's just benefits! If it's not working for you, just stop 🤷‍♀️

Yes, as PPs have said, if it's not making you happy, stop doing it. It's okay to say 'this isn't working for me anymore' and call time on it before you end up feeling worse.
Technically he is just using you for sex - which would be okay if you just wanted to use him for sex too, but it sounds like that's not something that's sitting well with you.

There isn't a standard FWB set of rules really - every relationship has to work for all involved parties. My FWB is a friend primarily - we text about day to day life, help each other pur, watch films, eat meals, go for walks. And have sex.

It's almost like a relationship except no commitment, no talk about the future, and we are not exclusive. And we don't say "I love you" but we do say other nice things ("looking forward to seeing you" - "you look lovely" etc. )

If this set up isn't working for you, call a halt OP. And look for something that meets your needs more.

That’s not FWB. It’s just being used for sex. Fine if that’s what you both want, but it doesn’t sound like it’s working for you. So end it.
When I’ve had a couple of FWB situations in the past we would meet at the pub, go for dinner, watch films together. And sleep together.

Just met on an app,he did make things clear that he wanted casual sex and I agreed. met for a drink first then the meets after that were just sex

I guess I naively but the fwb label on it but yeah realistically it’s sex without any friendship

Yes, I think in my mind I’d imagined it to be more like this. I’m not completely blaming him, I guess im just not happy with the situation and want more but was unsure whether this is just how things go in these situations as I’ve never done it before