AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Do you always wait for him to ask if you are free? Do you ever call him and ask for a hook up?

Yeah that’s more a fuck buddy. I had one of those for about 20 years and it was purely sex and a bit of text in between
currently have a FWB - we meet up, spend a full day together watching films, hanging out, cooking, doing jigsaw puzzles(!), text multiple times daily, support each other and he’s said I love you

it is mainly him who asks for hook ups yeah

I mean, many arrangements could be seen as prostitution but yeah I get your point

Exactly this.

Which is fine if you are just using him for the same.
But... it sounds like you are feeling used, so it's time to stop....and get checked out too.

You are being used. These situations are usually mutual with both parties only wanting sex, essentially both using each other. If it's making you feel bad you need to stop.

I dont think he has done anything wrong as he was clear it was just sex
But your not happy so its time to end it.

It’s sounds like you are being used, and not happy. If you were also using him I guess it would be ok if you were both happy about it?
Just move on and find yourself something that makes you feel good about yourself 💐

What’s going on with you that you agreed with this? Is the sex even good?

I understand the uncertainty, but it really doesn't matter how things typically go or not, if you're not totally happy. There will always be men out there who you'll mesh with, and who will be quite willing to abide by whatever parameters you set out regarding casual sex, but you need to be up-front about what you expect from the beginning, I think, or their entitlement kicks in.

Maybe I’m being a bit thick here, but haven’t you both been merely using each other?

If you're not turned on by that type thing don't do it. You need to be at least some of the time, the instigator of it. You need to like the kind of carnality of just only meeting purely for sex. And the sex has to be really good to make it worthwhile.

Well no becsuse prostitution is a one way transaction
This was supposed to be a mutual agrerment
Which is fine if it suits both people
But that doesnt seem to be the case
So the Op should end it.

i Wanted sex, he wanted sex neither of us really wanted the commitment of a relationship but I guess I just expected a little more and after a few hooks ups It’s become evident that there’s nothing more to this.
the sex is good yes

I think that, regardless of what other people may do, this doesn’t seem to be giving you what you need (in fact it’s making you unhappy) so you need to end it.

@AdeptLilacHare It’s exactly what he said it was on the tin. You’ve just realised you need more than that.

I would say either accept it for what it is or end it and go back to traditional dating.

Yeah I agree, I’m probably just more cut out for traditional dating

Casual sex and hook ups are fine if people want them but this does sound very cold even for very casual sex.

I'd expect some chat and maybe a "thank you for the sex" text at the very least.

Hey, sorry you're feeling used. Maybe there has been a gap in communication. Are you sure he thought it was fwb or nsa (no strings attached)...

Yes this is what I wanted to hear, I just wanted someone to say that this particular situation seems very cold even for casual sex.

100% this
and he’s probably meeting other people inbetween and doing the same - get yourself to a sexual health clinic