AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

I don't. We stopped speaking years ago. Don't think I suggested anywhere that we were still in touch

But you did have contact post all this… and that is what I find mind boggling

Or he maybe didn't want FWB at all.

This sounds like the effect of the drugs wearing off, no? I have never used drugs, so I can't comment! I feel quite smug after using a toy to achieve orgasm.

My sex drive is much higher, but his saving grace is his stamina!

Once or twice. I really don't see what the huge issue is. Does everything need to be dissected as being a really big deal when it's absolutely not. I've had much more to worry me over the last few years than someone telling me they didn't fancy me after we went for a drink

And the rest but…. It’s your life! I would have blocked him, had a chuckle with girlfriends about the odd bod I had met for drink and never thought about his again. But you do you 🤷‍♀️

How does that work in reality? He has more sex than he wants or you have less sex than you want?

No I don't mean drugs, I mean the chemicals that you produce in your own body like Oxytocin, Dopamine, Endorphins, Prolactin, Serotonin etc. These are what make you feel dreamy for a while. After these wear off I feel quite empty after I have orgasmed with a sex toy.

He gets more than he wants - I am fiendish, especially if I am ovulating 😂
We have sex almost every day; however, there are times when I need it twice or more. It's not always penetrative sex, though.

My heart goes out to him!! How do you know that he gets more than he wants? He tells you this??

Oh dear, I am really sorry 😂

I think sex toys can be a little too intense, and the orgasm reaches a high too suddenly. I really have to pace myself with them.

We share a joke that's his way of saying his tank is depleted.

The days during ovulation are fierce; sex is all I can think about.

I don't have girlfriends to have a chuckle with. Not locally anyway. I was stalked for a year in 2018/19. Threats. Packages coming to my door. Threats to maim me. Photos of my house going online. I didn't have a normal life while that was going on and for quite some time after. Perhaps when you are making "you do you comments" as I said I have had quite enough going on over the last few years to bother about someone in a pub saying he didn't fancy me.

Does everything have to be psycho analysed on here because you did something differently from someone on here who doesn't even know you ?

Woah. This all sounds very shit

That's awful and terrifying. I am so sorry you experienced this. Who was the man, and were the police involved?

One man organised it. It happened on twitter. But he knew some very unsavoury people. They found my address (I used to run my own business and that's how they found it ). There were about ten people involved. Yes police were involved. They did nothing. They sent me away six times.

I'm not the only person this gang targeted. They tend to target single women living alone. I know at least five other people they targeted and had to call police. They got nowhere too. Thank you for your kindness. My crime was making one non offensive tweet one of them didn't like.

Yes it was. You can't fight a gang who's ringleader has 11k followers on twitter and who is telling people you are stalking him when he's harassing you and getting more and more people to hate on you every day. Particularly when you know they have your address and it's going to be tweeted at some point.

What a disgusting and odious man. The audacity of some men thinking that this level of contempt towards a woman is appropriate because of a Twitter comment.

I did hear about a group of men in Manchester using social media and apps to stalk women last year, I believe.

So what. He changed his mind. He is allowed to do that.

He thought he wanted a connection but did not. Was he pretending? Who knows?

You sound really, really, really entitled.
I wouldn't dream of complaining about someone changing their mind about what he wanted out of me after a few meetings!!

It's anathema to me.

Nobody owes me their time, conversation or anything else.

You need to get a grip on this to be honest.
This level of holding somebody to account is waa-ay too much after a few meetings.
Honest to goodness most people in your shoes- man or woman-would shrug it off and learn from experience.
I mean that.

He got me arrested too. I have no issue saying it because he plastered it all over twitter to shame me. I asked him to stop spreading lies about me and he decided that he was going to get me charged. He got his mates to tweet lies about me saying I was a danger. He put them in a dossier. He made tweets saying he got my charged by wearing police down. He sent police to my door to intimidate me and unfortunately the lies he told about me saw me badly abused by police. I believe he told police I caused a very early miscarriage his wife had (nothing to do with me). And he told police I had a serious mental health condition (I don't). They harassed my mum too when she was recovering from cancer. And any of the very few people who tried to stop them.

He had people watching my Facebook under fake profiles and him and his gang had around 15 hate twitter accounts dedicated to me. Some are still up.

I don't think she sounds entitled. Just disappointed and that's ok. Some aren't great shrugger offers. I'm not. She'll get over it of course

It’s not even that I’m entitled and think he owes me something.
it’s the misquoting.

You said I expected sweet words, I never said that.
saying I expected some manners and conversation are not sweet words.

He wanted sex, I wanted sex. He wanted some sex with little to no conversation, manners, connection however you want to put it. He just wanted to fuck and be done with it.

I did not want that. It felt too cold and transactional. As I result it didn’t make me feel great. But I’ve blocked him now and I’m not sat here particularly bothered about it. It’s done. We wanted different things. I’ve chalked it down to experience.

Goodness, you have certainly had your tribulations.

This is abysmal. Have you kept documentation of everything that happened, in case you need to take it further? You should not have to suffer like this.

He is treating you so badly, you deserve better