AIBU to feel used in a friends with benefits arrangement?

[AdeptLilacHare]

I just wanted someone to shed some light on FWB situations. So, I’ve met this guy 3 times now just for sex, nothing more. But literally we just meet for sex, there’s texting up until and around the actual meet mainly just trying to find when we’re both free, who’s hosting etc. then we meet for sex then nothing. No text after, no casual conversation in between nothing at all. Then in about 2/3 weeks I’ll get a “when are you next free” text
I have to clarify I’ve never done this before I’ve always had relationships which is obviously completely different and I aware that I shouldn’t expect much more than casual sex which is fine. But, literally just sex and no actual chatting or hanging out in between is making me feel a little used. I’m unsure how to feel do I just accept this for what it is, what’s everyone’s experiences on similar situations? Am I just expecting too much for something that’s supposed to be casual?

Why did him telling you that you should have got together ages ago make you think something was off?

That’s absolutely fine for anyone who wants to do that.
I, myself just want some sort of conversation.
it’s far too transactional and cold.
Not for me.
I expected more, he just wanted to fuck and not have one word of anything or any social niceties.
I got it wrong, to him it was purely fuck and leave.
To me I think it’s nice to ask questions and chat a bit.
But that was totally my own naivety and I won’t make the same mistake twice.

There is a flip side to the coin - a woman having sex with a man hoping he'll have a relationship.

Has this ever actually worked? A man who didn't want a relationship, being persuaded otherwise because a woman has sex with him? I'm guessing not .....

Yes, it was a 'fuck and leave situation', which is far from ideal since it was your first time exploring casual sex.

I presume he felt that giving you an orgasm was enough.

We did not meet for drink to discuss even more what we were looking for. That would have been weird.
I have explained that I wanted to meet him because I couldn’t have sex with someone I’d never met and wanted to fine out if I was attracted to his personality enough to have sex with him not just purely physical.

Again what difference would a bit of idle chit chat make.

It would not alter the fact that he was using her for sex, would it?

Just put a bit of a gloss on things. The fundamental nature of their situation would be the same.

It would change nothing, though. Nothing.

As for prostitution, even IF people think like that a few stupid little texts would not sway their opinion.

I have a feeling that even without the orgasm, he would have felt just the sex was enough

What did you chat about over drinks? And how was it left?

I guess you both met for drinks beforehand to ensure you both at least vaguely looked like your dating app profile

On his profile did he say he was looking for a relationship or FWB?

Because there was no progression. It was always me going to his -we never went anywhere or did anything outside of his home so I thought he must be seeing someone. I asked him to go for a drink with me. He said yes then cancelled. I presume he didn't want the risk of being seen with me publicly and it getting back to his gf.

Sone people do think like that. They've said it on here

Just general stuff about our lives really. It was like a normal date.
we were in public so it was hard to chat about anything sexual.
Then after the meet we texted to discuss the actual arrangement and how the meet went, whether we like each, still wanted to go ahead etc.

FWB

And is this also on your profile?

Yes

Yes they have and I'm saying that a few bits of idle chat between shags between the OP and this guy would not change their opinion!

But it's ALWAYS just a fuck to a male fb, why is this so hard for you to grasp?

It makes no difference if he says some nice pillow talk.

He still FEELS the same. He won't be going out of his way for you any time soon. Or caring for you in any way.

All you're really saying here is that you want to hear bullshit, meaningless words.

Fine. If that's the case, just own it.
Know this, though. All those sweet words even if he said them would be lies.

So you think he misled you and gave the impression he imagined chatting in between liaisons?

Of course sweet words would have been lies. I didn’t want sweet words.

it’s like if I go to a shop and the shopkeeper chats to me, it means fuck all really, they don’t care they’re just passing the day. But it makes the shopping experience a bit nicer I guess. I’m allowed to say I want some conversation from someone I’m letting out their penis in me

Sometimes what people put on their dating profile is a load of tripe anyway.

Maybe his other head excels at communication... 😂

Yes, as he said he wanted a connection and to get to know me.
He said he couldn’t fuck someone he hadn’t met or have a connection with.
This was all rubbish to get me into bed, I’m aware.

Like other posters I understand FWB as people who are close friends and also have a sexual relationship. There does not have to be any long term commitment to stay together or marry. The relationship lasts as long as it lasts. An easygoing adult relationship. Your partner seems to have lost track of the "friends" part and only be interested in the sex benefits. He may as well look for a hooker if he does not want to put in the effort of being a friend as well. You can do better.

Maybe you should have sacked it off the first time if it made you feel uncomfortable.

I’m starting to feel everything, any man says is a load of tripe 😂