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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

269 replies

GiveItOneMoreDay · 12/09/2026 07:32

I have 3 children who are 19, 16 and 14. I take the youngest and middle child to school and pick them up each day which is a 45 minutes drive each way, as well as work full time Monday to Friday, finishing late to make up for the time I spend on the school run. My husband also works full time Monday to Friday. Weekdays are very busy for all of us but things are easier now the kids are older. Some weekends we drop the kids to places as there isn’t much public transport here but we have time for our hobbies and going out.

My sister has 3 children aged 20, (at university), 6 and 3. She gave up her job when she had her last child but now wants to return to her career which will require weekend work. The younger two will go to a childminder (oldest will go before and after school) on weekdays but she has asked me to have the children at weekends. I’ve said I will have them for either a Saturday or Sunday every other week or for a whole weekend once a month but I can’t have them every weekend. She is saying she won’t be able to go back to work if I don’t have them as she doesn’t have anyone else. I’ve suggested she looks for a different job or her partner changes his job or hours but she says that’s not possible.

By Friday I really need the weekend to relax. I’m in perimenopause and having lots of symptoms and don’t want to have to work all week and then have young children to look after every weekend. My husband and children don’t want them here every weekend either so we have offered what we can.

Am I being unreasonable to just need weekends to relax and do things for ourselves. Are there any childcare options for couples like my sister and partner who both work weekends?

OP posts:
PepsiBook · 12/09/2026 08:15

I was assuming she was a single parent.
You've offered more than enough

Winnie27101981 · 12/09/2026 08:16

If they were kids the same age as yours I would MAYBE consider it (not every weekend though) but no way would I be having young children on my days off! You have done your time and yours are now at the point in life where they are happy to just chill or need very little entertainment! It is not your fault she started over!

mindutopia · 12/09/2026 08:18

I would not be having them at all ever. They have 2 parents (plus a 20 year old sibling). When my dc were that age, Dh was working full time, I was finishing a PhD, plus working, plus doing semi-regular international travel for both of the above, plus I was commuting for teaching 3+ hours, sometimes once a week, sometimes 3 days a week.

We used a normal 9-5 nursery and each other. Never had any family help. We organised our schedules between each other and chose work that fit around family life. These kids have two parents. Those two parents can’t just both choose weekend work and then get perplexed about what’s going to happen with their kids. They need to plan their work schedules to accommodate family life. It would be different if she was a single parent, maybe a little bit, but both of them can’t just make the children they chose to have everyone else’s responsibility.

Loub1987 · 12/09/2026 08:18

I currently have a 6 and 3 year old, it is not an easy task to take care of them. Your sister is being a cf. I pay for child care for my children so I can work, she needs to do so too.

Although my lovely MIL is going to take them for a day today so me and DH can go for lunch with friends. Very much looking forward to it!

Traitorsclaudia · 12/09/2026 08:20

No absolutely not. Ad hoc help is find but every weekend? You'll be seeing her kids more than she does!

I used to work as an event coordinator (lots of Saturday weddings) and changed job after I had DD.

Cyclingmummy1 · 12/09/2026 08:22

CF. Would this arrangement mean that she and her partner had a day or two, child free, mid week?

Scottishskifun · 12/09/2026 08:25

Nope it's for your sister and partner to work it out and plan accordingly.
SIL and BIL deliberately do opposite shift work so they can look after the children.

SIL needs a proper discussion with her partner and look at jobs accordingly.

Joyunlimited · 12/09/2026 08:26

She is being completely unreasonable. It's not your problem.

Hammite · 12/09/2026 08:27

She could ask your older children. But they would need to be paid and know that they can say no.

YANBU to say no.

mindutopia · 12/09/2026 08:27

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2026 08:02

16 & 14 should be on public transport

I know it’s not the point of this thread, but you do realise that there are places without public transport right? 😂

There is not a reliable bus that would get my teen to and from school during the week if we didn’t have school transport running. There are definitely no buses running on weekends that would take her to friends and sports training and work.

I’m gritting my teeth waiting for college. That involves a twice daily 30 minute drive to the train station plus a 40 minute train journey. The train seems to be cancelled at least once a week. Then it’s an hour drive each way (4 hours total in driving if I came home and drove back at the end of the day). That is the closest option if she wants to do A-levels. There is no longer anything more local.

PinkyFlamingo · 12/09/2026 08:30

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2026 08:02

16 & 14 should be on public transport

Oh FFS there's always one. ...love how people who live with good public transport assume everyone is the same!

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 12/09/2026 08:34

Not a chance in hell would I be offering any kind of permanent childcare arrangement!! I’d (reluctantly!!) offer emergency cover only…and that would be it! Your sister and her partner need to work this out between them!

CloudyWithAChanceOfCustard · 12/09/2026 08:35

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2026 08:02

16 & 14 should be on public transport

Oh do fuck off!

arethereanyleftatall · 12/09/2026 08:35

Absolutely not.

but more - don’t you dare feel guilty about saying no to it all. Not doing anything at all. She is being beyond cheeky to even ask. This is like the person who has salad and water being the one to feel bad when they say no to splitting the bill with the steak and champagne’r/s. Shame needs to switch sides.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 12/09/2026 08:36

There's really someone out there who thinks her sister's family should just... not have a single weekend to themselves for the next 10 years? The mind boggles.

HeNeedsRehab · 12/09/2026 08:39

So what is the dad doing? A lot of people work opposing shifts when their DC are young, tricky but not impossible.

You’ve definitely offered more than enough, it’s not your problem to solve.

TheJoyousHiker · 12/09/2026 08:42

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2026 08:02

16 & 14 should be on public transport

.

Mirandawrongs · 12/09/2026 08:45

“Dearest Sister, I have spent the best part of 20 years doing childcare. I’ve done this happily because these were MY children. I adapted my life to facilitate this and the household is now in a state of easing due to my children getting older.

I am now not in a place to facilitate YOUR childcare needs.

YOUR household has to find a way around this, not mine.
Probs see you at Christmas! Ciao”

logstore · 12/09/2026 08:46

I wouldn’t do any of it. You’re overstretched just within your own life. And what about your husband and kids at the weekend? Even if they adore the little ones, they will run out of patience at the lack of peace, the inability to please themselves. Have you all forgotten how all consuming and demanding even the best behaved small children can be? Don’t do it. You’ll all end up hating them and your sister.

sunnyfeet · 12/09/2026 08:48

Sartre · 12/09/2026 07:42

She’s asking way too much of you. Your offer was generous, most wouldn’t want to commit to that. I agree with you, she needs to find a different job. Weekend hours don’t fit with family life.

Absolutely this. Don’t let it become your problem

wiredandtired · 12/09/2026 08:48

Not everyone even has family to ask for help with childcare - the fact that you're offering a weekend a month is amazing. I'd bite your hand off if I were your sister!!

She should be grateful. There is 30 hours free childcare, above that she will just have to pay someone like everyone else does.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 12/09/2026 08:50

I would say you have offered way more than I would be willing to commit to. I am in a similar position and tell my sister I sm
here in emergencies or if they get invited to a wedding etc but my exam aged and adult DC need peace at weekends and deserve our full attention too.

jujitsugrant · 12/09/2026 08:51

No I have 3 young children under 9 but my sister has 2 university aged children and I would not dream of asking her for regular childcare at the weekend. She is delighted to have them occasionally if we have something on and would have them overnight 1-2 times a year. She has pulled us out of a tight spot on more than one occasion with pick ups etc but a regular childcare arrangment is not fair. Like you, she is just getting her life back, enjoying her hobbies, going out with her husband etc. My sisters two children are often my childcare too, as they love a bit of extra money and love minding the kids. Could she pay the 20 year old? Not using them as childcare, paying them for it!

OneOfEachPlease · 12/09/2026 08:51

She’s being a cheeky fucker! Childcare is hard, that’s why people who work pay for it! How can you possibly do a full-time job and then take on a part-time job on the only two days of the week you’ve got left!

cmonspring · 12/09/2026 08:55

ExtraOnions · 12/09/2026 08:02

16 & 14 should be on public transport

you're assuming public transport is available for op’s children. Where we live, there is no public transport that would take my dcs to college and there is no public transport that would take them to the nearest city. The only option we have is 1 bus every hour that goes to 2 small towns. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have good public transport links.