AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's children more?

[GiveItOneMoreDay]

I have 3 children who are 19, 16 and 14. I take the youngest and middle child to school and pick them up each day which is a 45 minutes drive each way, as well as work full time Monday to Friday, finishing late to make up for the time I spend on the school run. My husband also works full time Monday to Friday. Weekdays are very busy for all of us but things are easier now the kids are older. Some weekends we drop the kids to places as there isn’t much public transport here but we have time for our hobbies and going out.

My sister has 3 children aged 20, (at university), 6 and 3. She gave up her job when she had her last child but now wants to return to her career which will require weekend work. The younger two will go to a childminder (oldest will go before and after school) on weekdays but she has asked me to have the children at weekends. I’ve said I will have them for either a Saturday or Sunday every other week or for a whole weekend once a month but I can’t have them every weekend. She is saying she won’t be able to go back to work if I don’t have them as she doesn’t have anyone else. I’ve suggested she looks for a different job or her partner changes his job or hours but she says that’s not possible.

By Friday I really need the weekend to relax. I’m in perimenopause and having lots of symptoms and don’t want to have to work all week and then have young children to look after every weekend. My husband and children don’t want them here every weekend either so we have offered what we can.

Am I being unreasonable to just need weekends to relax and do things for ourselves. Are there any childcare options for couples like my sister and partner who both work weekends?

Either her or her partner or both of them could put in a flexible working request to ensure they aren't both rostered on the same days. Everyone has a right from day 1 of working and the employer can only refuse if the business can't accommodate it.

The ever lasting list of symptoms are unfortunately a thing with peri menopause / menopause

Your sister is entitled and out of order. It’s something she needs to work out with her children’s rather, it’s their issue to sort and not yours. She’s had the luxury of being off for the last few years which is more than most people get and they now need to work out a plan that works. You’ve offered her more than l would be willing or able to do. She needs to work on being grateful as well

As I have said upthread: the OP needs to be careful that, once she says no, her sister doesn't try to pressure the OP's own older children to do this childcare. She sounds pushy and brass necked enough to do this, and many young people can feel guilted and uncomfortable at saying no to a request from a family member despite being daunted by it. The odd couple of hours' babysit for pocket money - fine. Giving up precious weekend time when they should be studying, resting, or just having fun? Absolutely not.

Your not being unreasonable. Surely she would want to find a job that allows her to have at least some weekends off so she can actually spend time with her children once they start school. I've changed jobs to be able to spend more time with my children. I think most parents have to try and change their work hours or change jobs completely when they have children. It would be easier to find a childminder/nursery for her children if she works during the week as well. It's not fair on her putting it all on you.

No.
No is a great word & a complete sentence, If she keeps on, have a cigarette in the corner of your mouth & a glass of something over ice in hand whenever she approaches your home. Seriously NO is the correct answer.

You can't have two shift workers in the house unless you get set shifts or work around each other, that's a problem for them to solve, not the Op. I wonder if they've even looked into it or if it's just easier to palm your DC off on the nearest female relative

Your sister sounds very entitled, you’ve done enough, and giving up your weekends is a huge ask.

I’d stick to your guns and let it be a definite and final no.

Yanbu. My husband and I both worked weekends. We just had to make sure one of us was off to look after our children while the other works. Because our childcare wasn’t open at weekends. Such is the juggle for many families where both parents work.
what you’ve offered is more than generous

"So, to sum up, you want me to work seven days a week, every week, until your kids are old enough to be left home alone for full days"?

Might make her realise how daft she's being.

This!

I cannot believe she has asked you this. What an entitled attitude. The cheek of
some people never ceases to amaze me.

God no, you deserve down time too. She should not of had more children if she didn't have some kind of safety net.

Good God that’s a terrible ask of a busy woman, sister or not. Blooming cheek I think. I see the voting is 99/1 currently. That must be your sister, I can’t imagine anybody else thinking that is fair to you or your family.

This is too, too much. Say no to all of it, you’ve served your time, your sister needs to find a job that will work with her need for childcare . Is she paying you for this childcare, by the way?

I wouldn’t be doing a single weekend! Your offer is too generous as it is!!

Sounds like a lot to take on especially as you are so busy. Seems unreasonable to me.

I wouldn't even do what you suggested to her. You have 3 children and a full time job and a husband with a full time job. how she and the father of her children manage their work schedule isn't your problem to solve. I would happily help out on a weekend day in a crisis but that is that.

This is really cheeky. I assumed she was a single parent until I read further on that she had a partner. This isn’t your responsibility! They chose to have kids so they need to do what every other parents across the world has done and work out the logistics between them. If they can’t, she’ll have to look at different jobs. Do not give up so much of your time to do that!!

Totally agree with other posters who said don't do it.
I'm wondering why your sister put herself forward for a job were weekend work was part of the deal ?
And saying that she won't be able to take the job unless you take her kids every weekend is putting the onus on you..which is unfair and bloody cheeky..