Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

234 replies

Claryyy · 11/09/2026 23:49

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

  • Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
  • Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
  • Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
  • The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

OP posts:
FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 09:53

YANBU.
Honestly - I would complain and find a new dentist if you can. My Partner had some similar - we moved and he went to a new dentist (NHS) who told him he needed 4 "minor" fillings. He never had any on his life. They wanted to do them there here and then. Luckily he didn't l, and got.a second opinion. Low and behold - he didn't need any. 7 years later - his teeth are perfect and he still has 0 fillings.

Inthejunglethemightyjunglee · 12/09/2026 09:54

Is this because you feel bad he has a filling and now you can’t proudly say your son has never has a filling?

You can have silver fillings replaced if it bothers him. My husband had 4 from his teenage years and we paid for them to be replaced with white composite a few months ago and it took about 20 minutes.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 09:56

mindutopia · 12/09/2026 09:08

I’d be falling over myself for that filling. My ds was told he needed a filling in April. Next available appointment was August. We turned up and there was some problem with equipment and they couldn’t do it. We had to re-book with a random different dentist for December. If we wanted to see the proper children’s dentist who he normally sees, it would have been February. Nearly a whole year’s wait time just for a filling!

He can always have it removed and redone later in life. At least it’s not rotting away for the next year.

That's "if" he actually needed one. I would be sceptable if I turned up, with previously good teeth/no fillings/no pain etc, to be told I needed it and needed it now.

Contain4 · 12/09/2026 10:03

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 09:56

That's "if" he actually needed one. I would be sceptable if I turned up, with previously good teeth/no fillings/no pain etc, to be told I needed it and needed it now.

Why would you think someone would lie about someone needing a filling?

A private dentist treating an adult might get extra money - but even that’s risky.

But there would have nothing in it for the dentist.
He loses an extra break.

Many kids have good teeth and it’s only as they get older that problems start, especially as teens when they have more say over what they eat/drink and how much they brush them etc

It’s very normal to have good teeth for years and then one day need a filling.

NiceCupOfChai · 12/09/2026 10:08

Contain4 · 12/09/2026 10:03

Why would you think someone would lie about someone needing a filling?

A private dentist treating an adult might get extra money - but even that’s risky.

But there would have nothing in it for the dentist.
He loses an extra break.

Many kids have good teeth and it’s only as they get older that problems start, especially as teens when they have more say over what they eat/drink and how much they brush them etc

It’s very normal to have good teeth for years and then one day need a filling.

I’m think you’re being a bit naive. Ask around, plenty of people will give examples of dentists who have inappropriately recommended fillings. I don’t know the benefit, payment? Practice bonus scheme? Power? Who knows? But I would say it’s not a rare occurrence just from chats I’ve had with family/friends regarding just this over the years.

echt · 12/09/2026 10:09

I'm not convinced the thread is genuine. Usual hallmarks.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:12

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 09:56

That's "if" he actually needed one. I would be sceptable if I turned up, with previously good teeth/no fillings/no pain etc, to be told I needed it and needed it now.

Do you not understand how decay works?

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:14

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 09:53

YANBU.
Honestly - I would complain and find a new dentist if you can. My Partner had some similar - we moved and he went to a new dentist (NHS) who told him he needed 4 "minor" fillings. He never had any on his life. They wanted to do them there here and then. Luckily he didn't l, and got.a second opinion. Low and behold - he didn't need any. 7 years later - his teeth are perfect and he still has 0 fillings.

People don't realise that dentistry is as subject to opinions as much as any other profession. One dentist will recommend a filling for a smaller or slow growing cavity whereas another will recommend waiting. It doesn't mean either of them are wrong or lying. People always want to believe the better outcome but it doesn't mean it's right.

Couldyounot · 12/09/2026 10:15

I'm marvelling at the fact that someone has actually managed to get NHS dental treatment in the first place tbh

Brackenandbrave · 12/09/2026 10:15

NiceCupOfChai · 12/09/2026 09:38

OP, I think you’ve been given a hard time here. 16 year olds differ so much in their ability to advocate for themselves in these sorts of situations, as do all adults really.

I would write to the practice and my main point would be that your son felt pressured to have the filling done there and then, and therefore It cannot be informed consent if he has been pressured into it. If he wants to switch to a white filling I would ask them to cover the cost, however I’d let the dust settle a bit before he makes that decision.

I am registered at a practice who massively try to upsell, and think it would be difficult to say no to some of this stuff if you’re at all vulnerable/uncertain/not well informed. From the point of first contact they try to sell, be it whitening, invisalign or unnecessary visits to the hygienist. I have recently been told by one dentist that I need a filling that I absolutely know I do not need.

A good opportunity to speak to your son about following a gut feeling, extracting himself from uncomfortable situations and buying time if he’s uncertain.

edited to add: if you do complain please don’t use AI to write the complaint for you. It won’t help.

Edited

I’m a dentist. I commented already early in the thread. However it’s been such an interesting discussion that I can’t help myself and want to come back to address a few points that have been made. all are valid by the way!!!

why on earth should the dentist be asked to cover the cost of the white filling? There is absolutely no reason to request this. The dentist had a patient in the chair, was of the legal age to consent.

We don’t know because the OP has not come back to the thread but hopefully the dentist has taken good notes and possibly radiographs. you can diagnose caries without the need for radiographs and it’s always best to only take them if really necessary. But they do help to justify decisions in cases like this.

I would assume a conversation took place. I would hope that the reason a filling was required would have been explained and documented. Options would have been given. The OP needs to establish that all of this occurred before becoming “fuming”

The dentist will not have profited from this procedure at all, ( added this as a few posters have suggested this) The reason they offered to this straight away was just that this was the most efficient use of time.

a private white filling would have been more than £100 most likely. Personally I would have advised a 16 year old to have a think and come back another time when they could have a chat with mum, who would be the one paying. But I still don’t think the dentist did anything wrong.

regarding the comments about amalgam on this thread. Dentists have been using versions of amalgam for two hundred years. Yes, of course there are issues around mercury toxicity but modern amalgam is not toxic to humans, else why would it still be used? Modern amalgam is encapsulated, fast setting, uses high volume aspiration, safe disposal measures and good ventilation to remove and place safely. Plus it’s great! Easy to use, works well and can often last up to 30 years with no issues!!

The main concern with amalgam is quite rightly the environmental impact. See the Minimata convention. It has already been banned in the EU and has been phased down with the plan to remove completely by 2034. I’ll be retired by then!
The issue really just now is to find a cheap, hard wearing alternative. Composite ( white) fillings are very expensive, slower and technically challenging to place, don’t last as long as amalgam and are not suitable for very large cavities. The government are concerned how to incorporate posterior composite fillings into the NHS and how that will work.

But back to the OP, it is worth providing feedback to the practice. I would maybe speak directly to the practice manager rather than relying on ChatGPT. I would ask for the facts first, however they may be unwilling to speak to you without your son’s consent. Advise them in future it is best practice when faced with any 16 year old, to give them the option of a white filling, and that they should suggest to the patient to check with the bill payer! However also acknowledge that you weren’t actually there, and in hindsight, the situation arose because of that reason.

ps I have two full time trainee dental
nurses working alongside me in practice. They are hardworking, sensible and can make decisions for themselves really well. I don’t need to phone their mums before arranging their hep B vaccination. I trust them to be able to make informed decisions regarding their own health

FudgeFudy · 12/09/2026 10:18

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:12

Do you not understand how decay works?

My uncle went to the doctor and was told he had atrial fibrillation. My uncle's a wily old fox though and wasn't going to be fooled - he told the quack that his heart had been fine up til then so he just walked out. One-nil to my uncle! He's dead now.

TheFishFish · 12/09/2026 10:18

Get a grip. The kid is 16. Nobody forced him into getting a filling.

eleventybillionpillsisntenough · 12/09/2026 10:24

This is crazy in so many ways
(and this isn’t created by fucking AI)

1: Your child is over 16 therefore they can do these procedures without your presence and holding his hand

2: You chose to send him alone, therefore you must have confidence in his ability to be independent and manage without you holding his hand

3:You say he felt pressured To have the procedure done. I’d imagine he was reluctant because he’d never experienced that before. And the dentist are well aware that people can be afraid of having filling so they would have done their best to just get the procedure done.
It is not in their interest to pressurise teenagers into things they don’t want to do. It was not for any financial gain for the NHS quite the opposite. They weren’t amputating his arm or leg (without you holding his little hand).

4: perhaps you shouldn’t be so cocky in assuming you know and trust your 16-year-old son with his ability to advocate for himself and probably look after his teeth properly.

5:You’re on the road to being overbearing you might want to look in the mirror. A good mother-in-law you will not make - given your over reaction to this very standard procedure.

6:Reacting in the way that you have, you have set your son a model response.

7:My response would’ve been ‘well done for getting through it’, ‘so good they could fit you in before it could get any bigger’ or ‘before he could overthink it’.

8:EXCEPT you you’ve chosen to go into complete rant mode. You should be congratulating your son on attending by himself and getting this done. It wouldn’t have been any less pain, painful or ”Terrifying” if you had been there holding his little hand.

9:This was such a brilliant opportunity to show him he can do difficult things by himself and you have blown it big time.

Wingingit73 · 12/09/2026 10:26

Hr needed a filling and he got one. Excellent. Why would you pay for a white filling at the back? You're bring ridiculous. The dentist has saved your son a good deal of pain waiting for decay to set in.

NiceCupOfChai · 12/09/2026 10:26

Brackenandbrave · 12/09/2026 10:15

I’m a dentist. I commented already early in the thread. However it’s been such an interesting discussion that I can’t help myself and want to come back to address a few points that have been made. all are valid by the way!!!

why on earth should the dentist be asked to cover the cost of the white filling? There is absolutely no reason to request this. The dentist had a patient in the chair, was of the legal age to consent.

We don’t know because the OP has not come back to the thread but hopefully the dentist has taken good notes and possibly radiographs. you can diagnose caries without the need for radiographs and it’s always best to only take them if really necessary. But they do help to justify decisions in cases like this.

I would assume a conversation took place. I would hope that the reason a filling was required would have been explained and documented. Options would have been given. The OP needs to establish that all of this occurred before becoming “fuming”

The dentist will not have profited from this procedure at all, ( added this as a few posters have suggested this) The reason they offered to this straight away was just that this was the most efficient use of time.

a private white filling would have been more than £100 most likely. Personally I would have advised a 16 year old to have a think and come back another time when they could have a chat with mum, who would be the one paying. But I still don’t think the dentist did anything wrong.

regarding the comments about amalgam on this thread. Dentists have been using versions of amalgam for two hundred years. Yes, of course there are issues around mercury toxicity but modern amalgam is not toxic to humans, else why would it still be used? Modern amalgam is encapsulated, fast setting, uses high volume aspiration, safe disposal measures and good ventilation to remove and place safely. Plus it’s great! Easy to use, works well and can often last up to 30 years with no issues!!

The main concern with amalgam is quite rightly the environmental impact. See the Minimata convention. It has already been banned in the EU and has been phased down with the plan to remove completely by 2034. I’ll be retired by then!
The issue really just now is to find a cheap, hard wearing alternative. Composite ( white) fillings are very expensive, slower and technically challenging to place, don’t last as long as amalgam and are not suitable for very large cavities. The government are concerned how to incorporate posterior composite fillings into the NHS and how that will work.

But back to the OP, it is worth providing feedback to the practice. I would maybe speak directly to the practice manager rather than relying on ChatGPT. I would ask for the facts first, however they may be unwilling to speak to you without your son’s consent. Advise them in future it is best practice when faced with any 16 year old, to give them the option of a white filling, and that they should suggest to the patient to check with the bill payer! However also acknowledge that you weren’t actually there, and in hindsight, the situation arose because of that reason.

ps I have two full time trainee dental
nurses working alongside me in practice. They are hardworking, sensible and can make decisions for themselves really well. I don’t need to phone their mums before arranging their hep B vaccination. I trust them to be able to make informed decisions regarding their own health

We can only go by what OP has said, that’s the nature of MN/social media. She says son felt pressured into having the procedure. Pressurised consent is not informed consent. You know that. Obviously we know most dentists understand how to consent someone for procedures, but we also know that some healthcare professionals (like everyone) are just a bit rubbish at their jobs. And others enjoy procedures for whatever reason and will do them anyway.

As an HCP you will know that we can cut through the crap of this post and say this -

Consent is not valid if the following apply. And if they do apply (which only OPs son and the dentist will know) then a complaint is absolutely appropriate.

  • patient felt pressured to consent
  • patient did not understand the risks/benefits (this is different to dentist did not explain risks/benefits, and I wonder whether the dentist documented that the checked understanding rather than just explained.
  • patient did not know of, or understand, alternative options available (which can include watch and wait, composite, rebook for amalgam another time)

Anything else is unhelpful waffle. The above, if present, would form the basis of any complaint.

Brackenandbrave · 12/09/2026 10:31

NiceCupOfChai · 12/09/2026 10:26

We can only go by what OP has said, that’s the nature of MN/social media. She says son felt pressured into having the procedure. Pressurised consent is not informed consent. You know that. Obviously we know most dentists understand how to consent someone for procedures, but we also know that some healthcare professionals (like everyone) are just a bit rubbish at their jobs. And others enjoy procedures for whatever reason and will do them anyway.

As an HCP you will know that we can cut through the crap of this post and say this -

Consent is not valid if the following apply. And if they do apply (which only OPs son and the dentist will know) then a complaint is absolutely appropriate.

  • patient felt pressured to consent
  • patient did not understand the risks/benefits (this is different to dentist did not explain risks/benefits, and I wonder whether the dentist documented that the checked understanding rather than just explained.
  • patient did not know of, or understand, alternative options available (which can include watch and wait, composite, rebook for amalgam another time)

Anything else is unhelpful waffle. The above, if present, would form the basis of any complaint.

Fair enough. You’ve put it really succinctly there.

the rest of my waffle was just to address some of the other interesting points made on this thread overnight, such as the use of amalgam and composite.

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 10:34

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:12

Do you not understand how decay works?

I do actually - and have more than my fair share of fillings. My point still stands.
And dentists get paid more for doing a filling than for a checkup so yes there will be some (a minority) that will do things needlessly.

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:37

Timeforachange26 · 12/09/2026 08:15

Then maybe it would've been an idea to actually discuss this possible scenerio before going to the dentist. At least say " don't agree to anything you are not 100% about u til you've talked to.kw"

Indeed. Let’s burn her at the stake for not realising this might happen.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:40

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:37

Indeed. Let’s burn her at the stake for not realising this might happen.

She's not being burnt at the stake she's being rationally challenged.

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:40

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 12/09/2026 08:21

Same if a 16 year old girl wants to go on the pill? They should check with her parents and discuss options with them because she might not understand?

100% different and you know it.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 12/09/2026 10:53

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:40

100% different and you know it.

I don't know that. I'll need you to explain why it's different, because to me it isn't.

I'm speaking as someone who went on the pill and got dental treatment without my parents' knowledge or consent when I was 16. I got a filling but didn't tell my mum because she would have reacted badly. I would have been angry if the dentist hadn't trusted me to know my own mind and agree to a filling without making me check with my mum first!

Timeforachange26 · 12/09/2026 10:57

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:37

Indeed. Let’s burn her at the stake for not realising this might happen.

How am i " burning her at the stake" ffs.

I merely said it would've been an idea. Either he's old enough to make his own decisions or he needs reminding of such things

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 12/09/2026 10:57

Pleasant1234 · 12/09/2026 10:40

100% different and you know it.

Not really

Brackenandbrave · 12/09/2026 10:58

FlippityFlippityFlop · 12/09/2026 10:34

I do actually - and have more than my fair share of fillings. My point still stands.
And dentists get paid more for doing a filling than for a checkup so yes there will be some (a minority) that will do things needlessly.

its so not worth it! I’d really not waste time doing a small amalgam restoration unless it is really really necessary, as it would cost me money

PinkyFlamingo · 12/09/2026 11:04

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

Is noone capable of writing a simple post themselves without having to resort to AU and then copying nonsense. 😂
OP did you actually read this nonsense before you copied it from AI?