AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

I think the only person you can be mad at is yourself. You havent taught your son how to consider his options without pressure (fair enough, my similar aged child still wants my input, it's still quite young to learn these life skills) and yet you've sent him alone. He didnt think to call you either?

Past dental appontments have nothing to do with current appointments. A lot can change between. The dentist did nothing wrong. Much the opposite in fact; it was good of them to get him in when there was space. As far as they were concerned, a 16 year old, who didnt need his parents as he came alone, gave consent to a routine procedure.

This is a good learning opportunity. How to deal with pressure when he is feeling unsure. How to ask about his options. That he should call you if anything comes up that he isnt sure about.

Complaining would be ridiculous but might give the dental team a laugh.

OP was concerned about how it looks, though.

Do you normally overreact this much to things that don’t really matter. It was just a filling not a major operation.

I mean those facts aren’t as straight forward as you’re insinuating though are they? You can join the Army at 16 but need parental consent (via signature), can’t be deployed, can leave etc. You can leave home but it’s not really happening is it? Considering you have to stay in education until you’re 18, I don’t know any mortgage lenders that would give a 16 year old a mortgage etc (parental signature and guarantor requires etc etc) I’m not saying your opinion is wrong because it’s yours and you’re entitled to it but really the things you’ve alluded to being allowed to do actually echo what the OP has a problem with, they can do those things with more robust adult / parent / guardian consent than the dentist asked for.

I agree.

I think the only person you can be mad at is yourself.

I agree @Toiletbrushanswer, the OP is angry with herself.

Some of you are reacting to the OP’s angrily written post. You’re not thinking about a 16 year old child (assuming they’re in England) that likely didn’t even know they were having a needle in their gums and therefore didn’t know they could ask for lidocaine first etc. They have probably come home a bit upset which no parent would like. She made a mistake by not going but we all make mistakes. Can’t you be a bit kinder? You could literally just say that you don’t agree, you really don’t need to be nasty. She’s upset and probably feels guilty for not being there, we all overreact sometimes. She hasn’t actually DONE anything. If this were your friend you would tell them that you disagree but you’re sorry they feel shit. And at 16 most kids don’t know how to advocate for themselves! Especially when they don’t actually know what is going to happen next.

I'd be fuming about the silver filling. They look awful and even at the back are very obvious. I'd get it swapped ASAP.l!

I wasn’t commenting on a post from the op, though. I was replying to someone who had called another poster daft, because they said they wouldn’t want an amalgam filling in their mouth. As the quote history on my post reveals.

Seriously?

Amalgam fillings are better for big molars and last lots longer than white composite ones, i just had one done on nhs, nobody can see it and it was cheap...no issues here !

NHS services = amalgam filling as standard.. if you’re bothered about you/your child wanting white fillings then go private and pay the price! It’s really that simple.

He is 16 not 6 are you this intense normally and yes you are way overreacting good grief

Oh I see. Although I think they were commenting on the suggestion to send the NHS an invoice for the replacement. Maybe I read that wrong

YANBU

Oh how convenient for them that they just happened to have a slot to fill available right after a child has a check-up with a history of perfect teeth, so they can very conveniently give them an unnecessary procedure, not giving him anytime to think it through, and have the tax payers foot the bill.

I would be frankly LIVID, and I'd want proof that it was even necessary in the first place. I wouldn't believe that it was.

The people who think you are being ridiculous clearly have such crap teeth that a filling means nothing to them. They also don't seem to care about the dangers of these things to their health! My DH & I have never had a filling in our lives and I'd be gutted if our children ever needed any.

They didn’t do anything wrong. Re dubious need - nhs dental contracts are so poorly paid it would be very unlikely the dentist would make up that he needed a filling that he didn’t

Crappy cut and paste job from AI.

Interesting point of view. I never thought about the financial aspect of this. Quite immoral actually if they pressured him and it was profitable as a result. I wonder if X-rays were taken? That the OP could request to see. I think many of the posters just want to argue because OP wrote it angrily and they’re not thinking about the morality and how none of us really want our children even at that age to experience unnecessary trauma / pain. I know so many adults that hate needles so it seems unlikely to me that all these posters just handle needles in the gum so pedestrianly.

I’d be a bit pissed that the filling wasn’t white. That said, you probably should have told him not to consent to any procedure without you.

I don’t think you can really complain about much. Your ds is old enough to be considered able to consent. I think the only thing would be that probably they didn’t explain to him that the filling would be visible, but some people prefer to pay for basically invisible white ones. Even so, that might be considered common knowledge.

Yup, I agree with this. Some unscrupulous dentists do over-treat, as a way to earn fees. I'd be furious if my DDs had fillings done in such a rushed manner. None of us have fillings and I wouldn't expect to suddenly need them.

The normalisation of fillings in this thread is pretty surprising. I know that some children have issues with the enamel not forming properly on their teeth, and need extensive treatment. But for most children, this is avoidable and shouldn't be normalised.

I hope when he came home you didn’t fly off the handle and make it about all about you and your complaint. Have you forgotten what it was like in the past? My school had a dental van that took us to a clinic and if we needed a filling, they just did it. I don’t remember my parents making a fuss about the dentist making a medical decision based on their professional opinion. If I needed a filling, the dentist did it. I don’t even think I had anaesthetic every time. Somehow me and millions of others are ok.

No one is looking in the back of you son’s mouth to see what type of filling he has. Do you tend to gaze that far back to the molars when someone is talking or laughing?

You might be right. I’m not a great fan of amalgam, so I was focusing on that!

A clinician can and did assess him as Gillick competent to consent to treatment. How do you think young women go on contraception or make pregnancy choices without parental consent?

You are being ridiculous! I was going to the dentist alone long before the age of 16 (I was working at 16) and if something needed to be done it was done. My parents most certainly were nowhere in sight when I had my first injection in my mouth and I don't recall it being terrifying. If you were so worried then maybe you should have stayed with him, but really a trip alone to the dentist and getting a filling at 16 is not newsworthy.

The chat gpt bit at the end kills me😂😂😂