AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

You are lucky yo have him treated so soon.
NHS in my area is non existence (and for kids)

I would be sending a thank you card for being proactive

Good post. 'I couldn't be arsed to get involved, but now it's turned out differently compared to if I had been arsed to get involved, I'm furious and I'm going to complain. But I can't really be arsed to do that either so I'll get AI to do it.'

You need to redo your AI settings so that it doesn’t just agree with you, but challenges your ideas too.

I’d be falling over myself for that filling. My ds was told he needed a filling in April. Next available appointment was August. We turned up and there was some problem with equipment and they couldn’t do it. We had to re-book with a random different dentist for December. If we wanted to see the proper children’s dentist who he normally sees, it would have been February. Nearly a whole year’s wait time just for a filling!

He can always have it removed and redone later in life. At least it’s not rotting away for the next year.

Re the AI I respond to nhs complaints. Lots of people use it. It does not help, over legalises the language and dehumanises the issues. It does NOT make us respond to complaints differently, it just makes us wish complainants had written it themselves.

Ffs, total over reaction. I think you both need to grow up.

The only thing I would be a bit upset about is not giving the option of a white filling. Did the dentist offer that option to your DC? I would expect a 16 year old to be competent enough to go to the dentist and have a filling unless they have special needs. If you didn’t think he was competent you should have accompanied him.

If you think he's old enough to go on his own, did you not think that something may happen? Tbh, NHS dentist it's amazing to get anything done, let alone there and then. They've been known to hold back treatments, esp expensive ones because they don't want to spend out.

If he felt pressured then no, it's not good. It's a life lesson though, going forward, he can learn to say no/second opinion. Sorry, but don't think you have an complaint here unless he really was bullied.

I think they definitely should have either phoned you or given your son the chance to phone them.

Now he’s stuck with a grey filling that he doesn’t want.

If he’s not able to advocate for himself that YABU to send him on his own

Same. It's very good at putting nonsense into language that sounds plausible, but the content remains nonsense.

At 16 he is deemed capable of making his own medical decisions. You can waste everyone’s time by complaining if you like but it won’t get you anywhere other than a reputation as a helicopter parent. If you don’t think he is capable of making deck ons by himself you need to go with him. I have attended appointments with much older “kids” as they have said they would want my opinion if there is a decision to be made.

OP, I think you’ve been given a hard time here. 16 year olds differ so much in their ability to advocate for themselves in these sorts of situations, as do all adults really.

I would write to the practice and my main point would be that your son felt pressured to have the filling done there and then, and therefore It cannot be informed consent if he has been pressured into it. If he wants to switch to a white filling I would ask them to cover the cost, however I’d let the dust settle a bit before he makes that decision.

I am registered at a practice who massively try to upsell, and think it would be difficult to say no to some of this stuff if you’re at all vulnerable/uncertain/not well informed. From the point of first contact they try to sell, be it whitening, invisalign or unnecessary visits to the hygienist. I have recently been told by one dentist that I need a filling that I absolutely know I do not need.

A good opportunity to speak to your son about following a gut feeling, extracting himself from uncomfortable situations and buying time if he’s uncertain.

edited to add: if you do complain please don’t use AI to write the complaint for you. It won’t help.

This seems like a great opportunity to talk to your son about resilience and decision making.

I doubt he was pressured. They would have said "we can do it now, do you want to?". Not "if you don't do it now, all your family will be killed and you will never get a job".

He needs to learn to make decisions on his own and this seems like a fairly useful example of regretting one.
Don't we all have something similar? I remember agreeing to do a babysitting job when I was 16 when I didn't want to work for that family and very quickly regretting agreeing.
And after that I was ready and prepared to politely turn down clients I didn't want.

No one is going to notice the filling. Chalk it down to life experience.

No, it’s no people experiencing gratitude that grates, it’s people insisting that others should do so for objectively poor treatment (assuming an objective viewpoint of normal dental practice and standards in countries with similar GDP).

I absolutely realise we pay for it via taxes. I was trying to express the simplistic argument that many advance - ‘shitshow but free (at point of care)’.

I use private when I can afford to and cannot get adequate treatment on the NHS, dental and medical. I don’t always feel it is necessary and sometimes I do feel it is necessary or would at least be very desirable, but I cannot afford it. I realise that being able to afford any private treatment is a privilege. I do not think it means I am not entitled to an opinion on the NHS or that my NHS experiences aren’t valid.

I hope you are able to get the help you need with your teeth, it must be tremendously stressful and painful going from even your short description. I wish you all the best.

FFS, this is a joke isn't it? Wait a moment it's MN so probably not.🙄

If your child has got to 16 (legally old enough to have his own child) and you’ve not equipped him to deal with basic medical appointments, unless there is a SEN drip feed, it’s your parenting that’s the problem not the dentist.

And please stop filling the internet with AI dross.

I agree but also the girl shouldn’t feel pressured to go on the pill and the clinician should make sure she fully understands the benefits, risks and alternatives. It doesn’t sound like the dentist did this.

I don't think they have done anything "wrong" but I think I would have been a bit surprised in the same situation.

My DS is ND (autistic, ADHD, struggles with eye contact and gets facial tics when he is anxious) and at 24 still prefers someone to accompany him to appointments and be in the waiting room, so we do accommodate him where possible if his girlfriend or another friend can't go with him. But I do make him "do the talking" and say who he is and why he is there etc. At 16 I wouldn't have got him through the door unless I was there, in person, in the room with him.

I realise my situation is extreme, but I think the opposite end of the scale where you found yourself is also extreme.

But if your boy looks older and went in confidently, then they just did what they would normally do for other adults.

Perhaps you need to have a conversation with your son about whether he feels ready to do appointments independently or whether he would still like to have you in the waiting room for a while longer. Either is fine.

Can’t believe what I am reading. Get a grip. If you don’t like the dental service provided by the NHS, or metal fillings, give his NHS space up for a person who will actually appreciate it.

According to helicopter mum the OP they did not. We don't know what was actually said.

True. But that’s the nature of MN/SM in general - we only have the OP’s account to go by. If it was as she stated in the OP then I think she has a point. But as you allude, there are three sides to every story!

Such is the entitlement of some people on here. Just go private and let us dregs of society have the N.H.S dentist appointments WE need but can't access. I work but can't afford to fanny around naval gazing about filling colours.
As for advising to sue the dentist? Some people are one huge joke on here, no wonder their NT kids can't cope with the basics of life.

Do you really think that a dentist would lie about him needing a filling?

The dentist would have been able to have an extra break if he had only needed a quick check up.

No one would choose to do extra work just for the hell of it.

Also you say he wasn’t prepared for it - surely when you go to the dentist or doctor you prepare yourself for additional treatment/tests.

I remember going to the doctor about symptoms and them taking a blood test at the same appointment.
Nowadays you’ll probably have to arrange a second appointment just for a blood test due them being so busy so I expect it less when I go to the gp but at the dentist I always expect that I might have treatment.

I think this is on you for not preparing yourself child.

Berengariaoftheverylowcountries
You sound quite deranged. He’s 16. It’s not all about you. He needs to learn to advocate for himself now.

very harsh