AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

Same if a 16 year old girl wants to go on the pill? They should check with her parents and discuss options with them because she might not understand?

Why is it weird? It’s only“weird” because NHS dentists are normally booked back to back. But if they have a gap why not? I work in private practice (and recently had an amalgam filling there as the dentist thinks it’s best for that tooth and I am in no way worried about it being “toxic”.) and they routinely do fillings and treatment at check up appointments as they have the time. But there’s certainly no other reason that you need to wait for another appointment to have a filling done.

What’s an NHS dentist?

YANBU
She overstepped the mark.

I would have wanted to know why, when he’s always had glowing reports.

I also would have specified a white filling.

Always double check you have removed all AI references 😀

You should be grateful that the dentist acted promptly and dealt with your son’s cavity there and then. You’re being over the top and dramatic. I bet even ChatGPT thinks so 😉

I don’t think the dentist has done anything wrong here. This situation could have been avoided by having a conversation with your son before he went he the appointment.

It's an example of why our teenage kids are so much less independent and resilient than the generations above them.

So I would say there are 2 separate things:

1. if he’s not old enough in your view to make decisions at the dentist, you should be going with him or if you can’t telling him to discuss with you before procedures. The dentist would respect him saying no I want to speak to my ma.
2. I think it’s very poor for any dentist not to run through amalgam vs white fillings and make people aware there are options even if they aren’t available fully covered by nhs. The dentist is or should be fully aware of both the cosmetic issues and growing concern and suspicion regarding the impacts of having that material in your body. So I would consider that your son was not given an adequate explanation of options and pros and cons in order to properly consent and that given his age the dentist ought to have been extra careful in this regard.

I cannot cope with ‘just be grateful because it’s the NHS / I can’t see a dentist’ etc. We put up with such abysmally low standards in healthcare in the UK and it flows from this thinking. We need to expect and aspire to better - yes, recognising that means overhauls but honestly pretending that this ‘shitshow but for free’ situation is in any way OK is ludicrous.

Why are you taking up an NHS dentist space if you'd prefer to pay privately for 'better' fillings etc? There are people desperate for an NHS dentist who can't find one.

Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

really?

He's 16. He's old enough to be having kids of his own, or joining the army ffs. He can handle making decisions at the dentist and if he can't, I'd be worried.

white filling fine but silver?? I wouldn't be happy with that at all

OP you are unreasonable. If I had a hole in my tooth I would be delighted if the dentist could fill it immediately rather than waiting weeks or even months for an appointment. So what if he would prefer a white filling. There is nothing stopping you making an appointment for the silver filling to be replaced at your expense. You are worried that the dentist used anaesthetic? Really? Personally I would prefer having a filling having first been anethetised. But that's just me .

16 seems to be a funny age when it comes to medical matters.

My dd went for a blood test, I drove her to the surgery and sat in the waiting room when she went in. The nurse came out and said I had to be with her due to her age. Fine, not a problem.

I rang up for her results and was told I couldn't have them, she would need to ring.
Utterly bizarre 🤯

I wouldn't be mad with the dentist, they treated the hole there are then, rather than him having to trail back to the dentist weeks later.

Why would they pay for a replacement? They have solved the problem, if you don't like the solution offered, you'd have had to pay the alternative yourself anyway.

You can't cope with someone being grateful just to see a dentist even if it's NHS?
Are you private by any chance? You will probably say no to fit the narrative.
The 'shitshow' isn't free, we pay for it through through taxes and NI.
I would take treatment from a trained chimp if I knew it would help sort my teeth out and I could get dentures fitted.

100%

comments like this completely miss the point or take any accountability whatsoever.

if you believe your 16 year old doesn’t have the skills to make a decision on the spot or to be able to say ‘thank you so much for offering this now, but I’d like to speak to my parents/research first’ then that is absolutely fine, and totally normal, but…

you don’t then send them to a medical appointment on their own!

you can’t have it both ways!

I would be annoyed too as would also have wanted the chance to pay for a white filling.

If your son were 6 rather than 16 you might have a point.

Why don't you believe he needed it? And yes if a dentist says you've got a hole that needs filling you have it done. Especially if it's NHS which most of us would bite your hand off for.

It's not healthy to have unfilled cavities. And who cares if it's silver you can't see anything except if you were actually a dentist?! White composite fillings in the back are a luxury. Would you have wanted him to consent to that and then you have to pay extra?

Sorry but you're off key to be pissed that a dentist filled your kids rotten tooth!

Congratulations for having a NHS dentist. As other posters have said, this is a luxury most people don't have access to. So I would personally be grateful for the prompt treatment. I'm assuming nothing has gone wrong with the filling, therefore what have you got to make a complaint about?

16 years old can give consent or refuse their medical treatments. 16-18 is like a transition age where they can begin to move from paediatric to adult services. Therefore it's your own judgement as his parent if he can make such a decision, and letting him go in on his own would suggest you do? If not maybe next time accompany him.

Nope

YANBU.

Yes, you need to formally complain. Did they even explain to him about the option of choosing a white filling?

As it was his first filling and he was only 16yrs old, he should have been given the opportunity to go away and talk it over with his parents.

I had several completely unnecessary amalgam fillings as a kid as that dentist was PROVEN seriously corrupt and my mum just assumed he was honest.

I think you should threaten legal action as they haven’t handled this appropriately at all.