AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

If you can’t even write your own post on MN it’s no wonder your 16 year old doesn’t have the gumption to say no to a filling he doesn’t want.

You are being ridiculous.

No definitely don't complain to the NHS - the dentist was doing their job. NHS dentists struggle to break even anyway & the filling did need doing & the sooner the better to avoid the decay spreading. It was sensible use of NHS time. If they had waited to consult with you he may have waited several weeks or months for an available appointment.

If you want to be fussy then you need to register with a private dentist.

Leave the very hard to come by NHS space for someone who needs it & will appreciate it.

If you let us know where it is I would be very grateful to travel almost anywhere in the UK for NHS dental treatment.

Whilst I can understand it’s upsetting to need a first filling, NHD dentistry is a sought after resource for many people.
Dentists have left the NHS over the years as the amount they are paid doesn’t always fully cover their costs.
It seems very unlikely that they would perform unnecessary work now, although I know that was an issue for a minority in the past.

Ah, this is very true. I was just thinking it would have been a good opportunity to call his parents.

YABU.
If you didn't feel your son was competent to deal with the appointment you should have gone in with him.
As it is, the dentist rightly considered your son has agency and is of age to give consent, being over 16.
What was the dentist supposed to do? Ask your son to check with his parents first?

I think you might want to tell your chat GPT you are in the UK op. Consent to medical procedures is from 16. He is 16. He consented. The end.

You have no complaint. And they can’t discuss his with you without his consent.

Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

😂

I accidentally said YANBU when I meant YABU.
If they were old and competent enough to go alone then they are also old enough to be Gillick competent. If you they don’t have the skills to speak up for themselves then they needed someone with them and that’s on you. It’s unrealistic to think dentists should double check with parents from 16 up. They are only a year off driving a car which involves making loads of decisions and judgements! It’s quite reasonable to assume if they are alone they don’t need parental input and I suspect the dentist wouldn’t have proceeded if there were obvious concerns about competency.

I think you're massively overreacting. The lad needed a filling, you don't need to mentally prepare for a minor procedure like that, and they don't need a parent to authorise anything. He might have chosen not to tell you if he knows you were expecting a 'glowing report' 🤨

That last sentence, AI fail 🫣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The whole thing was ‘terrifying’ I actually can’t 🤣🤣🤣

A 16yr old is still very young and inexperienced. They might appreciate having an adult/parent to speak to first and not feel pressurised in to something they weren't fully clear about with it being the first time they had a fillim.
As a parent I'd be bloody annoyed that they gave my child a silver filling not a white one.
OP, YANBU

Following a routine check up and as they had time and a free slot there and then, I got offered a white coloured temporary filling on my back bottom tooth by my NHS dentist but they said it wouldn't last long term like a silver coloured one.. or I could pay for a white composite permanent filling privately which i did opt for there and then (£250), earlier this year. Glad to have been given the choice and options explained to decide over. Based in Berkshire if that matters.

FFS, I'd love to have dental treatment from anywhere but can't afford it.

I think this thread is part of the reason there’s a lot of unhappiness in Britain atm. The entitlement. ‘Hi, my nearly adult son went to the dentist for free. They found a problem and fixed it for free immediately. They asked him for consent. They should have known by magic that despite considering him old enough to go on his own, I don’t consider him old enough to make a decision, or speak. I am furious. I have used a free service to write a complaint letter for me as I can’t do it myself. Fuming.’

16 year olds can consent to their own treatment. If you had significant concerns that your ds couldn't do that, you wouldn't have let him go to any appt alone, including a check up, surely.
If you and your ds both want you to remain involved in his health care decisions , go back to attending all appts with him. But that in itself would be a preference and doesn't mean the dentist did anything 'wrong'.
Arrange for the filling replaced privately if ds doesn't like the aesthetics of the current one.

I would be annoyed about amalgam and insist on having it replaced as its toxic.

Its weird to have a filling while having a regular check up tbh. Normally its a separate appointment.

Yes Id be upset about not being informed especially as like you - I would paid for a white filling. That said, your 16 year old should have been aware enough to call you to discuss. Legally the dentist did nothing wrong so you I dont think you have grounds for a complaint. She also may well have said do you want to call your parents and he might have declined and is only regretful now because of how it looks. You could send feedback saying please can you encourage children of this age to discuss with their parents. I think that's valid but not a complaint as such.

Then maybe it would've been an idea to actually discuss this possible scenerio before going to the dentist. At least say " don't agree to anything you are not 100% about u til you've talked to.kw"

I had a filling replaced during a normal NHS checkup appointment recently. I didn't know I'd lost it, they had time so they did it then.

They’ve copied and pasted from ChatGPT and forgot to omit the last paragraph.

Very much this! I want my bread buttered on both sides, at no cost, and someone cuts the bread and butters it for me.

I would complain. Even if they don't legally need to speak to you, 16 is still very very young (contrary to the weird mumsnet opinion that 16 is a legal adult and therefore they can cope with anything 🤪). Amalgam fillings are mental in today's world and I would be looking to get that changed to composite too. I would want to speak to the dentist myself and ask her what the fuck she was thinking.

You are being ridiculous.

A filling in a back molar cannot be seen unless someone practically climbs into his mouth.

Just before my wedding I had the second to back molar removed, it cannot be seen at all that there is a gap or that the tooth behind is filled.

It is VERY common for back molars to need filling

He is 16 and unless there is an underlying issue where he doesn't have mental competency then there is absolutely no reason for them to have asked you permission or discussed it with you.

The very fact you sent him alone says he has full competency.

Does he genuinely feel like he was pressured or is he telling you what you wanted to hear if you were clearly cross after he told you?

What the hell am I reading?
These people saying it should be discussed with parents, processing the information making an informed decision about it? I's a fucking filling not a full brain transplant.🙄
Well, silly me, dentists have loads of time to wait while a 16 year old sitting in the chair fannys around calling mum on voice mail or waitting for her to pick up her phone, if not avaiable calling dad or whoever for advice on what to do about a bloody filling.
The NHS dentistry is a complete mess and millions are struggling to get help and yet someone might need to process the idea? Just jog off with that.