AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

It's only a filling, I couldn't get worked up over it, really.

Yes it’s called gillicks competency and no at 16, my dentist wouldn’t have spoke to my parents, I wouldn’t complain I think you’d sound a bit mad. Lots of teenagers go alone and surely it’s better to be filled before it causes an issue

What’s to process? He needed a filling, they had space, it’s better to be done sooner
if he had gone away and asked friends/googled he probably would have worked himself up more
a back molar I wouldn’t be fussed about silver but the option could have been discussed

everyone does things for the first time, going away and coming back isn’t going to stop him needing an injection

and he’s 16 so yes they can do what’s clinically needed

You are being ridiculous. Be grateful it was dealt with so promptly. Do you really have nothing better to worry about?

Well yes. He’s 16, so consent from a parent is not required.
amalgam fillings are standard on the NHS if you are 15 or older ( Scotland), pregnancy, breast feeding or a medical reason.

I would routinely offer an appointment to someone if I had a last minute cancellation, as it fills up my book, and the patient does not have a lengthy wait.
I would however always give a patient the option of a private white fillings or an NHS amalgam, and if they are 16 might suggest they report back to parents ( as let’s face it, mum will likely be the one paying for it).

Small amalgam fillings are usually very sturdy and can last for years. did they take radiographs?

They didn’t do anything illegal though

If he felt pressured into it it was wrong. It’s hard because he was on his own but the pressure thing is awful. Saying that it’s something you never think of to say to kids ‘if your gut tells you no, say sorry can I talk about it with my parents/ go away and think about it’

Ps the last few sentences of your OP look like you’ve already been searching for answers via ChatGPT and are ready for them to draft you a complaint letter.

Thats an overreaction and really they’ve done nothing wrong

What a lot of fuss about a necessary procedure. He’s self conscious about a filling in the back of his mouth? Why? Who is going to see it?

I’m in North Wales and have been on the waiting list for an NHS dentist for the best part of a year after yet another one turned private. My daughters can’t get seen and it’s horribly stressful. Please consider yourself incredibly lucky to have an NHS who treated your son appropriately and immediately.

Yabu

I wouldn’t want an amalgam filling in my mouth. Book him somewhere else and have it replaced asap. Complain to the nhs dentist and save the invoice for the replacement, they can pay it.

He’s 16 so over the age of consent.
i can see why you’re upset though. What would your preferred resolution be? Do you want them to replace the amalgam with a composite free?
Amalgsm is a great material and lasts decades although less aesthetic than composite.

Your last paragraph is a bit odd. What does it mean? Are you offering your services to write letters of complaint for us? Do they have to be of a dental services nature?

At 16 I would accompany DD to the GP and dentist but wait outside in case she needed support/debrief but I wouldn’t go in with her. Most 16 year olds are mature enough to make routine medical decisions for themselves.

Mumsnet is hilarious! No one thinks this is a problem because it’s legal, you’re being ridiculous, he’s 16 blah blah blah.

Unless it was their child! The dentist hasn’t done anything wrong but let’s face it, most 16 year olds haven’t got a flipping clue what to do and say when faced with something like this. Half the people commenting are probably needle phobic! No one enjoys a needle in the gums do they? I remember the same thing happening to me when I was 14-15 (I don’t think anyone gave a shit about age restrictions back then) and I was traumatised! It was so painful because I hadn’t experienced much pain before.

I would be tempted to write to the surgery and say what you’ve said to us, that you appreciate no laws were broken but that it might be best practise to ask the patient (if they’re under 18) if they want an adult present for a procedure.

Sorry this happened OP, I would feel upset and some Mum guilt about not going, fillings don’t last forever and next time you can treat him to a white one.

Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?
Yabu to use AI
and also to make a fuss.

If you felt he was old enough to go by himself then he has to be old enough to say he wasn’t happy having the work done without speaking to you first.

I went with mine up until the age of 17. Although mainly to drive them there and back and wait outside.

It's a Chat GPT written post.

You sound quite deranged. He’s 16. It’s not all about you. He needs to learn to advocate for himself now.

I can't comment on the legal aspect but personally, if I wasn't confident that my teenager was mature enough to consider and consent to a procedure. I would accompany them. That's why I accompanied DS (17) to the dentist over the summer and to the doctor's last week. Like @ProjectFailScary suggests, I wait outside in case he wants my advice.

Don’t be daft

Considering most of us in the country can’t even get seen by an NHS dentist for months, if at all, I think you should both be fucking grateful to get such prompt treatment.

Your son had a free procedure which will save him the pain of, at best, needing a larger filling or more serious treatment, and at worst major toothache. Just be grateful and move on.

To be fair, your son is old enough to leave home, join the army etc etc. Perhaps he can have a filling?
I was 9 when I had a tooth out. I walked from my house to the dentist, had the tooth out, came back on my own. A memorable experience but not traumatic

It’s not daft to not want a filling containing mercury in your mouth. It leeches into the bloodstream - arguably in quantities low enough not to significantly harm people’s health, but it’s still a perfectly legitimate concern.