AIBU to complain after NHS dentist did filling for my 16 year-old?

[Claryyy]

Looking for some advice/perspective on this as I’m absolutely fuming and not sure where I stand legally or ethically with our NHS dentist.

My 16yo DS went for a standard routine check-up on his own today. He’s always had glowing reports and zero issues so I didn't think twice about letting him go alone (his first time alone).

He came home and told me that the dentist found a hole in his back molar. Because they had a free slot right after his appointment, she went straight ahead and did a silver filling there and then. DS said he felt completely pressured into it and didn't really feel like he could say no.

I’m upset about this on so many levels:

• Lack of consent/consultation: Should the dentist not have spoken to me first? I know he's not a baby anymore, but to go straight from a routine check-up into a procedure without giving him time to process it or talk to a parent feels wrong.
• Amalgam filling: They gave him a silver amalgam filling. If I’d known, I would have 100% paid privately for a white composite filling. It looks so dark and obvious in his mouth and he's self-conscious about it.
• Dubious need: Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently.
• The experience: He was completely unprepared. He’s never had a local anaesthetic injection in his mouth before and he said the whole thing was terrifying and hurt a fair bit.

AIBU to be furious about how this was handled? Can an NHS dentist just carry out procedures on a teenager without discussing options with a parent or explaining material choices?

Has anyone dealt with something similar, and is it worth making a formal complaint to the practice manager? Would you like help drafting a formal complaint letter to the practice manager once you see what the consensus is on your post?

I'm 46, and have had exactly one filling. It's not a big deal at all and you sound hysterical. If he had to wait longer to get his filling it could have gotten worse and he could have developed an abscess.

Not RTFT and the OP hasn't returned, but if I were the dentist and you complained, I'd boot you off my list but keep your son.

I was actually commenting on the part of the post which said that the NHS dentist would have to pay the invoice for getting the filling replaced. That is a daft assertion.

It’s a filling which presumably a trained dentist thought he needed. Your reaction will not help your son to be resilient.

Given his track record, I’m genuinely dubious he even needed it done urgently

But it doesn’t sound like the dentist said he needed it done urgently, just that there was time to do it so might as well.

I think you’re being a bit dramatic about needing time to process and being completely unprepared. I had my first filling a couple of months ago - yes I’m an adult but still, it was my first one. It’s not something that needs processing.

I agree that the dentist should have explained the options for the type of filling.

No one should feel pressured into consenting to medical treatment, especially not treatment that isn't urgent. So yes, I think a complaint is called for, ideally directly from your son with you backing it up.

I would also spend some time with DS to role play how to say "No" to people in authority.

I don't know if this is helpful as I don't think you can act on it and a couple of the dentists I mention were in the US, but I have significant suspicions about dentists' trustworthiness. I had a butcher of a dentist when I was a kid, fillings every year, he ended up in jail for defrauding the NHS for doing unnecessary procedures on patients. I stopped going for years but eventually worked up the courage to go again. Needed a filling the first time but no more after that. Then I moved and got a new dentist. Needed a filling on the first visit, which seemed a coincidence but I tried to put it out of my mind as 10 years since the last one. No more fillings needed. Then I moved again a few years later and got another dentist and he found I needed two fillings. So I declined and got a second opinion. That dentist thought I needed one filling, but not in the either of the teeth the previous dentist had stated.

I haven't been back. That was 17 years ago and I haven't had any problems with any of the three teeth those dentists wanted to fill.

Count yourself lucky you have an NHS dentist. It’s not always the best service, but you already knew that when you were saving the money on the check up.
Great adult lesson for your son to learn at a young age.
He can book into having the filling changed for white, if he so wishes.

Please cut the apron strings and let your baby boy become a man.

Don’t complain. You’re saving a fortune.

At any time your son can have his filling changed to white, though I think they last a shorter time.
Take him to a pivate check up every six months.

I wouldn't have sent him alone. I had a rogue dentist at that age.

Why are you cross?

I'd there a reason you think he doesn't have capacity to give consent? Any extra needs?
He needed a filling, the dentist gave him one.
I don't think they made up a hole in his tooth, why would they? f you think it's really noticeable like you mentioned, take him to the dentist you said would do the white filling and swap it out.

If he's mature enough to attend medical appointments on his own, treatment comes with that sometimes.
If he goes too the GP alone, they might take bloods straight away etc.

😂👌

If you minded all these things, you shouldn’t gone with him!
you can get the filling changed for white if you want.
I think you’re being a bit OTT

Hmmm - yeah. If indeed it needed filling!

I'm with the OP on this one. I had a filling done at around the same age and that tooth continued to be troublesome until I had it removed several root fillings/crown/antibiotics later

There was zero problems with it originally, and no, I do not trust dentists to always do the right thing. I have no other fillings in any other teeth and hadn't had any up until that time when I was around 15.

I think this is a harsh lesson in parenting unfortunately. You allowed your son to go alone but didn’t prepare him for the situation. I understand that it was unexpected. Tell him next time, he’s to tell the dentist he needs to talk to a parent.

At 16, it's not gillick conpentancy, the Mental Capacity Act starts at 16. The dentist would have had to follow the guidelines of this Act with the starting point being assumed capacity unless there was any reason not to such as a learning disabilty, and then he would have to assess his capacity, making a best interest decision if he lacked capacity.

Legally the dentist has not done anything wrong.

Having said that, I would have been sad that my 16 year old was in that position to have to make that decision alone, and it sounds like the dentist may not have told him he could go private for a white filling etc.

It sounds like your child struggled to assert himself and say he wanted time to think about it and call you to discuss etc understandable, many 16 year olds would, and therefore, like previous posters have said, I would have explained to my child if threy were going alone that they can ring me if they needed to discuss any procedures. Better still i would have been with them so they can pop out and discuss it with me before agreeing.

With your child's consent you could raise some concerns that the dentist didn't explain all the options, and rushed him ti make a decision etc but you cannot complain that they completed the procedure without your consent.

I think you’re in the wrong for not going with him. If you don’t think he’s capable of dealing with the possibilities arising during a dentist appointment - one of which is the need for further treatment - you shouldn’t have let him go alone.

The whole thing is AI generated the last paragraph is AI asking what the op wants it to do next.

NHS dentists are like hen's teeth the op should be grateful she has one and they did the job quickly. If they are happy to pay and want more personalised service they should go private altogether and let someone else have that NHS slot.

How obvious can a filling in a back molar be, unless you walk round all day with a mouth like a yawning hippo?

I can see why you’re annoyed about the lack of discussion.

But I wouldn’t communicate your feelings to your son as it may make him feel more upset about it than he needs to be. It is just a filling. It’s at the back of his mouth so no one will notice it. No one likes fillings, but they do prevent our teeth rotting and falling out. I’d be trying to get him to move on and not make a big thing of it. He can always get it removed and replaced with a white filling when he’s older if he wants to.

As your AI has suggested , it can help you write a letter of complaint if you want to.

No shit Sherlock.

Maybe use a private dentist next time

@Claryyy if your son wasn't confident enough to even phone you or make his own decision or say no then as a parent you should have gone with him to the dentist.

Its just a filling.

I’ll trust the dentist’s judgement and your son is only self conscious because you’ve drawn attention and kicked off about a very simple filling on a back tooth. He’s a man not a toddler. You’re not clever as you’ve had to use ChatGPT to write your post! I bet you’ll use that to write a complaints letter too. You can’t even write.