AIBU to feel hurt after being left out at MIL's funeral?

[SixtyorSomething]

MIL passed away this year after 6 months of palliative care, half of which was in her own home. As we live close by a lot of responsibility fell to me as DH in denial/busy and the rest of the family live in a different part of the country. AIBU to still feel upset that DH and his siblings mentioned all other family members in their eulogies but neither my SIL or I were mentioned? Not looking for thanks but a recognition that we are part of the family that we've allegedly been part of for decades. I'm especially hurt because I also asked 3 times if everyone had been included in the family photo board on display at the wake when again neither of us was on there.
It seemed trivial and petty to raise it at the time with everything that everyone was dealing with. However now MIL house needs clearing and my resentment is building over this as I'm expected once again to step forward. So AIBU to raise it now or is it time to grow up and move on?

Similar happened to me af my auntie's funeral. Every single cousin and their kids got a job to do at the funeral apart from me and mine.
Then when my uncle died I was told to sit anywhere in the church apart from the front 3 rows. When I queried whg I was told "They're for family". This was my dad's sister and her husband.

Since then all the cousins can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.

It's horrible to be deliberately left out for no reason @SixtyorSomething

Do not get involved in ckeaning/preparing hoyse for sale. Let "the family" get on with it.

You don’t need to be a dick. Don’t say that.

By all means step back from clearing the house.

How hurtful for you. There is no excuse for your exclusion especially as you did care for and support your MIL. Has your husband said anything since the funeral or acknowledged your support?
As others have suggested step away from any suggestion you should be involved in clearing the house. Have any items been removed for 'safe keeping' yet with less valuable items left for others to clear?

Please ignore the posters telling you to raise it or to make snarky comments. I understand how hurtful it is, but losing your mother is not anywhere near losing your MIL.Circles of suppoprt and all that. Dont make this all about you!

This essentially

Do they actually know how hands on you were?

I only ask because we're currently looking after MILs dogs while she's unwell and I've over Heard DH on the phone to his sibs making it sound like a team effort when I'm doing ALL their care.

Had DH maybe made it sound to them like you both did it, to save face?

Would you say this @GeorgeMichaelsCat

Was just going to say this.
Don't get involved in the house as it really should be the siblings' job, but it really isn't about you and I do wonder if the posters egging you on would really be so astonishingly crass in real life.

Rude not to list the DIL’s. Let them clear the house themselves.

I doubt it. Unless she's about 8 years old

I wouldn’t mention the funeral and I wouldn’t get involved with the house clearance. You don’t need to give a reason.

@SixtyorSomething I’m usually one for doing something regardless if it’s for the greater good but this scenario would be one of those times when I’d be saying no and telling people why. It’s an incredible hurtful thing for the family to have done and I think you need to stop making excuses for your husband because he was in denial. He must have your back regarding this matter and if he doesn’t I’d be asking myself where his spine is and where his loyalties lie.

One would hope @GeorgeMichaelsCat wouldn’t but… why make the awful suggestion?

Just tell them you wont be overstepping and helping to clear her home.

After all you aren't proper family.

Quote that if necessary..

You need to have a very honest conversation with your husband explaining how the family including him have hurt your feelings very much.

Oh, and "the family" can clean the damned house.

I’ve always found conversations like this around the time of the death of a loved one always go horribly wrong due to heightened emotions and grief.

I agree. It's not about the OP at this time.

Sorry to trott out the old faithfuls but this is a DH problem you have. Hes the one you were filling in for and on behalf of and he’s the one should have thought to thank you. Personally I’d not say anything to anybody else but I would tell my DH that I felt hurt. And I would not be doing his share of the house clearing either.

Sorry, but I think you need to draw a line under it and move on.

You chose to help support your MIL and I am assume she appreciated it. Surely that is all that really matters? Not grieving (adult) children of the deceased making a slip up.

You now chose how much you want to help with the house clearance. DO NOT say it is because you never got a mention in the eulogies. You'll sound deranged.

If you genuinely cared for your MIL you may find the house clearing cathartic for your own grief, so don't avoid it completely if it is just through spite.

If anyone is at fault here it is your dh if you don't think he appreciated your support with his mum, you'll know if taking you for granted is a theme in your relationship or if it was an oversight during a time of grief. If it is a theme deal with it later once the dust has settled.

This 💯

Let them clear the house. Say you did already did the hardest essential part without recognition or thanks, does it look like you have MUG branded on your brow?

I would let this go, and realise that (by the sound of it) they were talking about immediate family, ie her actual children, not in laws. It was probably not intended as a deliberate snub.

However, I wouldn't be prepared to clean and sort the house. I'd probably say simply that a lot of the care for MIL had fallen on me, and whilst I'd be happy to do that because I cared about her, I was now burnt out from caring and couldn't take any more on. That someone else needed to step up and sort the house out.

Don’t clear anything. You have done more than anyone should expect. You are a good person to have done it.

I haven't discussed it with her tbh (sits under the 'trivial' banner I guess) and it's become more of an issue for me as the clearance needs more attention. She didn't say anything at the time so I don't know what she thinks