Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

[EugenieGreen]

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

No, it's absolutely fine.

No, i think they should go alone it just looks passive aggressive if they went to the fancy hotel.

It sounds as if there might be a backstory.

Unless you need to be nearby for breastfeeding I don't understand why you would want to be there in the same hotel.

The B&G will not incur any cost because of additional spouse in room.

Hmmmm what is the reason the spouse is not invited? Is there serious issues between the spouse and wedding couple/family, meaning seeing invited spouse even at a distance, could spoil the big day?

I would do it if the room was paid for. You might be wanting to make a weekend or holiday of it. They can't really say no. Why would you even tell them?

I think it’s a no no even though from a logical perspective it’s fine.

Well, think of it like this. Could they stop this spouse using the public areas of the hotel even if they wanted to? No, they couldn’t. Therefore seems fine to me.

I don't see why it's a problem if the invited person has booked a double room for 2 people (rather than single occupancy, hotel needs to know how many people in room).
If they don't like it just don't be seen! If you hadn't asked if it's ok then they probably wouldn't even know as they will be busy in the wedding areas whilst you (assume it's you) luxuriate in the public areas or your room.
Don't waste an opportunity!

It’s totally fine! We are going to a wedding in a hotel and no children have been invited. In order for us to go out teenage sons are coming along with iPads and a large bag of rubbish to keep them occupied. We r all looking forward to it. I see no issue with this.

If the invited spouse has paid for the room themselves it's no-one else's business who stays in it.

Frankly how would the wedding party even know?

just go and enjoy the fancy hotel

Without paying for exclusivity, it’s no one’s business who else stays at the hotel or where.

Why is the spouse so unwelcome by the family? That might depend on whether or not it is reasonable to use the hotel.

Breakfast could be a funny one.

If the B & G haven't paid for the room then they have no say about who stays in it. But I would be careful at check out the next day so you're not bumping into them and the spouse potentially feels awkward for not being included.

What’s the back story as to why the spouse isn’t invited?

Why does aunt/mother of the groom even know about it?

As long as the spouse is happy and doesn't feel under pressure to have their other half stay, it's fine.

They don’t have exclusive use of the hotel?

Totally fine imo. As long as they don’t try to involve themselves in any wedding stuff eg no going up to the reception just to say hi or whatever.

Yes, can you say why the spouse wasn't invited OP?

This could be key.

In my OP I started off saying every one of the same status in the family has been treated the same.

Not just this spouse- all spouses.

No back story whatsoever.

This has unreasonable and appalling etiquette written all over it.

But not the bit about the uninvited spouse staying in the hotel room. That bit is fine. It has been paid for by the invited spouse, and the uninvited one is not attempting to gatecrash the wedding at all.

Why are no spouses invited?

I see, ‘uninvited’ suggested a back story

Completely fine. 100%.