Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

[EugenieGreen]

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

But this is about etiquette! And people can talk about whichever aspect they wish. I find that an aggressive comment.

Why would they get a separate room? How does that make sense???

Her husband was invited and has paid for a room at a discounted rate and your argument is if the univited spouse wants to go she needs to get a totally separate room.... Really???

The wedding is not taking place in the invited guests room is it?

I think that if you are inviting people to weddings without their spouses, you are assuming that the spouse won't be bothered.

You can't then make a song and dance if the spouse isn't bothered and just wants to have a nice stay in a hotel.

I thought rescinding an invitation was to dis-invited.

You've made me unsure so I've googled it to check and it's telling me that uninvited and not invited are the same, but to rescind an invitation is to dis-invite.

That's just weird and desperate 😂

The MOG/aunt have expressed an opinion. That’s fine. It’s not law- I would crack on if husband is paying for the room it’s none of their business really. Enjoy the Gucci hotel!

She wants to take advantage of the fact he has already paid for the room, going another day means they pay again...

Personally I don't see anything wrong with it but wedding seem to make people go crazy with unrealistic dumb demands.

Uninvited means not invited in the first place. Disinvited means that they were initially invited and had the invitation rescinded so the op is correct.

Spouse declines the invite. Inviting one half of a married couple is rude.

I remember a similar situation. Newish DP was going to a wedding at a posh hotel in a city centre location. I wanted to go but only stay at the hotel, and not gatecrash the wedding at all. He said No.
After the wedding said he wished I'd been there because it would have ben fine.
I missed out on a day's shopping and sightseeing in a big city. Oh well.

Is the aunt worried that invited spouse will skip off early to join you?

Hello everyone !

I think it has the potential to be very awkward and I would just stay home.

Now this is not appropriate. You can’t go to any part of the wedding or any part that is either a private event or paid for by bride and groom without them inviting you.

Maybe this is what the MOG is worried about.

If I wasn’t invited I wouldn’t go anywhere near the place. Embarrassing

This is bonkers, why on earth would you do this?

Completely different to what the OP is suggesting.

what happens at breakfast time?

I think its fine, it is DH's room that he has paid for, he can have anyone he likes in there!

I wonder if there have been grumbles from other family about their spouses not being invited and MoG is worrying that you, along with them, will try and crash the evening party.

I think it’s bizarre the couple didn’t invite spouses. Obviously yet another couple booking a wedding they can’t afford for Instagram pics. Marriage probably won’t last, so superficial.

Anyway that aside, absolutely use the room and amenities your spouse paid for. Not like those tightwads paid for it.

No it doesn't. It looks like they enjoyed chilling in a nice room, nowhere near the wedding party, while the spouse attended the wedding. Nothing more. Totally fine. The OP even says they won't cross paths with the wedding party.

I really don't think the 'aunt/mother' person here can actually veto this either. If someone's got a hotel room for their personal use, they can do whatever they like in it and entertain whoever they like. They bloody paid for it! They can have a sodding threesome in it if they want to.

I'm guessing the OP's spouse is either a bridesmaid or the best man. The only situation in which I think the non-invited partner should have to stay away from the hotel is if the invited spouse is a divorced parent of the bride/groom and the non-invited spouse is their new partner or someone they had an affair with or something.

Hanging around like the spectre at the feast. Just no.

You know there’s a risk of this being perceived badly, otherwise I guess you wouldn’t have asked. Maybe it’s just not worth it.

From your post I'm envisaging a resort type hotel like Celtic Manor and couldn't see any possible problem with being there at the same time as a wedding. You'd be deadly unlikely to run into anyone!

As long as extra guest pays their own way and stays away from all wedding stuff, no issue

I have 28 first cousins, I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

Why are they?? It sounds lovely me a nice hotel and plenty to do there aside from go to the wedding! I used to be cabin crew. I miss those days -having a lovely hotel room to myself, going to the spa, getting room service and chilling with a glass of wine watching tv in a fluffy bathrobe.