AIBU at feeling angry at husband doing his own breakfast and not for me and our 14 month old daughter?

[Biosblbay]

So I can’t help but feel really angry about the above. So I work from home full time 8-4:30pm most days, husband usually leaves at 8am and takes our son to pre school and goes to work and doesn’t get home until after the kids are already in bed, so I generally do everything while working at the same time and I use my lunch break to pick my son up from school, this includes the kids breakfasts in the morning and my sons lunch for school as my husband gets himself ready for work in the morning. His only responsibility is feeding the dogs and taking our son, the rest is mine.

He is working from home today so it is both of us home, our 14 month old has had her morning bottle already, but we have not had breakfast yet and my husband has just made himself jam on toast while on a teams call and not thought to do any for our daughter, or myself but I can deal with him not doing me any, but my blood is boiling that he has just fed himself and not thought to do any for my daughter.

I have kept quiet for now, he is still on his meeting but how would you react/ feel about this?

I already do so much and the fact he has just fed himself has made me want to blow but not sure if I am being unreasonable. and to top it off he is eating a bag of crisps now and my little one has heard and is now winging because she wants some and now I’m left to rush to do her breakfast while I am also working.

Does your daughter stay at home with you all day whilst you work?

I wouldn’t care, he’s on a call at work? I sometimes get food while on a call but it’s quick, I wouldn’t start prepping my families too.

If you’re at home have your working hours started? If so, your problem is that you shouldn’t be working while taking care of a baby.

@Inthejunglethemightyjunglee yes, but I have my Mum in the annexe who has her Mondays and Tuesdays, then I have to juggle Wednesdays-Fridays. She starts pre school when she turns 2 next year

Yeah it is very thoughtless of him but the fact you’re both trying to work from home while caring for a toddler is a recipe for disaster! No wonder you’re stressed!

I imagine he just needed to grab something before his Teams meeting.

I’m confused OP - why are you both working while your children are at home?

It sounds like the problem is much bigger than one incident of him being selfish and just sorting his own breakfast. He needs to pull his weight and do more for the children and round the house. Why should you do it all? And if you’re both working from home then you both need to get up earlier, make your children breakfast and drop them at school/nursery before you start work.

@Strawberryfruitstarburst but I make work calls and still do things in the background, that’s why I am annoyed

You shouldn’t be working at home with a baby, but if you have to, then the person on the call is excuse from doing anything for anyone else during the call.

Completely over reacting

He's eating crisps at 9 o'clock in the morning?

Perhaps as he was on a teams call he was just making something quickly rather than doing family cooking. He is, after all, at work.

@MaggieMopi live rural, the local pre school doesn’t take under 2s and we cannot afford it. Plus as mentioned above I have my mum who lives in our annexe who helps 2 days a week. My job allows me to not be on the ball 24/7 and I can put my laptop down when I need to. If I have a meeting my mum comes over.

I would be annoyed at that, yes. It's selfish and he is only thinking of himself, looking after the baby is obviously your job to him and it doesn't enter his brain that he has someone else to be responsible for. However how on earth do you manage a 14 month old whilst working from home? My DC at that age were eyes in the back of your head hard work! Does she not go to nursery or anything?

I think the bigger issue is trying to work without childcare. It’s madness and you are going to end up stressed/ill/sacked/child injured unsupervised or too much screen time.

Cross post, still sound's like hard work!

I couldn’t work from home whilst my child was there. It would completely throw me off (and also not be allowed). I think grabbing himself some toast before a meeting is acceptable.

This system of yours isnt working at all, as evidenced by your disproportionate fury at your husband making himself a quick bit of toast while on a call.

This is the problem, not him making a snack whilst working.

He’s on a work call? Not watching tele!

DH should do more but nobody can work properly and look after a toddler. You need proper childcare.

The issue is not a slice of jam on toast, it’s your work set up .

So if you have a meeting your mum comes over but if DH has a meeting you expect him to make you all toast?

I think YABU and the system you have clearly isn’t working hence why you’re so mad. It must be very stressful trying to juggle working and watching a child.

Do you have no other option? Is there no childminder you could take her to instead of nursery?

@Biosblbay would you mind using the quote function so we don't have to scroll back to see what you're replying to 🙏🏻

That sounds like an awful set-up for you all including your 14 month old. She should really be at some sort of childcare / child minders where she gets full attention all day and taken out to play etc..

10 mor months of this is not ideal. You need to fix it and quick.