AIBU at feeling angry at husband doing his own breakfast and not for me and our 14 month old daughter?

[Biosblbay]

So I can’t help but feel really angry about the above. So I work from home full time 8-4:30pm most days, husband usually leaves at 8am and takes our son to pre school and goes to work and doesn’t get home until after the kids are already in bed, so I generally do everything while working at the same time and I use my lunch break to pick my son up from school, this includes the kids breakfasts in the morning and my sons lunch for school as my husband gets himself ready for work in the morning. His only responsibility is feeding the dogs and taking our son, the rest is mine.

He is working from home today so it is both of us home, our 14 month old has had her morning bottle already, but we have not had breakfast yet and my husband has just made himself jam on toast while on a teams call and not thought to do any for our daughter, or myself but I can deal with him not doing me any, but my blood is boiling that he has just fed himself and not thought to do any for my daughter.

I have kept quiet for now, he is still on his meeting but how would you react/ feel about this?

I already do so much and the fact he has just fed himself has made me want to blow but not sure if I am being unreasonable. and to top it off he is eating a bag of crisps now and my little one has heard and is now winging because she wants some and now I’m left to rush to do her breakfast while I am also working.

Sorry but your main issue here is having your toddler at home while trying to work, even if it is "just" three days and your mum has her two days. Thats insane. My boy is a bit older now at almost 2, but how do you manage? Does she not go outside during the week? Do you have cars if you live rural, can you drive further out to a nursery or a childminder? If you have an older child you'll know itll only get harder as they reach 2.

So because you’re slacking off work by looking after your toddler when you should be working, you expect your DH to have the same approach? He’s being paid to work. Not cook! As are you…

Your set up is always going to be a nightmare but it is the bigger picture that is the problem. Him making/not making toast on a one off morning isn't going to change your life. You have too much on your plate and you are spread too thin (sorry! Couldn't resist the pun).

Of course not...but if he's already making himself some, at home, why couldn't he put a couple of extra slices in?

The problem is, as with a lot of men we hear about on mumsnet, they wouldn't even think of something like 'has my child eaten yet' as they aren't the default parent.

I thought this was going to be a thread about him making a full English spread and eating it all himself but it's toast while on a work call. That's not "doing breakfast", it's barely above dumping some Weetabix in a bowl - it's a quick thing you do because you're multitasking.

He grabbed a quick slice of toast whilst in a work meeting. I wouldn't even have done that and its definitely not the time to be making breakfast for the family.

I know, I said that in my post directly above the one you quoted. The situation is unsustainable and the child needs to be in childcare.
But equally the DH can’t use the excuse that he’s working, if he expects the OP to feed the child while she’s working. Unless he feels his job is more important than hers.

I wouldn’t get too exercised about someone grabbing toast while they are on a work call and not making the rest of the family breakfast!

I also wouldn’t be pleased about an employee using paid work time to juggle a toddler when they are supposed to be at work…l

It should be a more even split in terms of getting ready in the morning but you're working with a 1 year old three days a week and a 3yo on afternoons? It's madness.

As other posters have said, you're totally overreacting. I hope you're not always like this.

Plus you shouldn't "always" be doing stuff while on calls!

The whole situation massively benefits your DH, doesn’t it? He doesn’t have to worry about the kids during the day, and he also doesn’t have to pay for any childcare. He’s having his cake and eating it.

I have no idea how you can work full time while looking after a 14 month old. Doesn’t the baby need constant supervision and entertainment? What does she do all day while you’re working?

@LAMPS1

most people don’t walk their dogs for an hour each morning

Exactly

No, what she NEEDS is adequate childcare.
That poor child is goosed with substandard care

The number of people thinking this set up is fineand he should have made breakfast for everyone while working will be the reason we will end up in office full time again

Yes, but HE needs that too. Why is the childcare only her responsibility? Assuming the kids are his too. The situation is benefiting him far more than it is her, because he neither has to worry about looking after the children nor paying for childcare.
Everyone is saying the OP needs to sort childcare.
No, they BOTH need to sort childcare.

OP says he was IN the meeting?

People are saying the OP needs to sort out childcare because she’s the one posting.

I haven’t seen a single person say the set up is fine.
Quite the contrary.
However if he has agreed that they won’t spend their money on childcare, why isn’t he equally as responsible for feeding their joint children when they are both working?

If she’s in a teams meeting she gets he mum to come over to cover though. Which suggests that someone else should be looking after the dc when he is in a teams.

This might just be a straw that broke the camel’s back issue but a huge part of the underlying issue is everyone working but there being no actual childcare for 3 days of the week.

Well that’s just weird… it’s really easy to type ‘you both need to sort childcare’ rather than ‘you need to sort childcare’.
Everyone is having a go at the OP, but assuming it’s a decision they both made, they both need to be responsible for the implications of it.

When he was making the toast?

Yes, he should be getting someone to cover while he’s in meetings.