AIBU at feeling angry at husband doing his own breakfast and not for me and our 14 month old daughter?

[Biosblbay]

So I can’t help but feel really angry about the above. So I work from home full time 8-4:30pm most days, husband usually leaves at 8am and takes our son to pre school and goes to work and doesn’t get home until after the kids are already in bed, so I generally do everything while working at the same time and I use my lunch break to pick my son up from school, this includes the kids breakfasts in the morning and my sons lunch for school as my husband gets himself ready for work in the morning. His only responsibility is feeding the dogs and taking our son, the rest is mine.

He is working from home today so it is both of us home, our 14 month old has had her morning bottle already, but we have not had breakfast yet and my husband has just made himself jam on toast while on a teams call and not thought to do any for our daughter, or myself but I can deal with him not doing me any, but my blood is boiling that he has just fed himself and not thought to do any for my daughter.

I have kept quiet for now, he is still on his meeting but how would you react/ feel about this?

I already do so much and the fact he has just fed himself has made me want to blow but not sure if I am being unreasonable. and to top it off he is eating a bag of crisps now and my little one has heard and is now winging because she wants some and now I’m left to rush to do her breakfast while I am also working.

Where is the mistreatment please?

Because I work for social services and I'm not seeing it....

No - over being thoughtless and selfish. The toast is a red herring.

If its more than the salary of one parent... then the reality is maybe one parent has to stay home? In my house, my DH has had to go part-time since we've had small kids. It's not ideal but it's only a few years and it's something we had to do if we wanted kids.

Plenty of my friends are SAHM because they can't afford childcare for 2+.

ETA: When I was a child, my mother worked a night shift and my Dad worked days.

It's not acceptable to have a 14 month old unfed and shouting for food because you don't bother getting appropriate childcare.

That’s not answering if work know you have a child at home when you are meant to be working

yes dh could have made something for dd but if on a teams call and working he was busy

you make it sound like your job is more flexible and can sort a toddler out - whether this is true or not I don’t know

Exactly. It's so disturbing that someone from social services can't see an issue with this.

A 14 month old needs looking after 24-7, either by a parent, a family member or paid childcare. You can't just muddle through and ignore them because you're in a meeting

Agree. And if granny is about why is t she having the toddler all day

apart from the fact I don’t think gp should have to do every day all day child care as they did that years ago for their own child (op)

Many companies have a policy that you don’t look after kids while you are working. Simple as. The issue here is that op and her partner have not organised proper childcare at all on working days.

If im talking about my child I refer to them as my child if their father isn't around feels a bit stupid to say "ours" when its just me

Crisps at 9am???? (Misses point of thread)

OP, I've read your posts and I think yabu to be annoyed with him over the toast - you said he was working and on a teams call so just grabbed something quick - he was working, not meant to be minding a child. I don't know what kind of work you do where you somehow manage to look after children at the same time but whatever it is, I think you're being unreasonable to expect others to do their paid work while looking after a child too. Just because you are, doesn't mean your DH can or should do the same.

Most types of employment wouldn't allow this and would notice that the employee wasn't giving 100% attention to their work. I don't know how you're doing either properly, if you're trying to juggle a job and childcare all at the same time. If you can't put her into nursery could you have someone mind her in your own home while you work, or drop her off at a childminder, on the 3 days your mum isn't available?

How are you looking after a baby properly whole working from home?

Does your work know this???

We will never know, as OP decided not to come back after being asked this repeatedly

Do you not have any childcare?

Agree with everyone else - you need to get proper childcare in place. Either your child isn’t getting the attention they deserve or your work isn’t. Either way, it’s a crap situation. Your husband making some toast is probably just a minor annoyance that’s bubbled over into something bigger because your overall routine is too hectic.

I think there is a difference between making yourself a piece of toast when you are on a teams call and making toast for three people.

He is around though. That’s the whole point of the thread.

The funny thing is, in another of the OPs threads she talks about spending money on beauty treatments (perfectly fine, I'm not judging) but specifically says that her DH earns well and she works FT so they can afford things.

So i don't think affordability is the issue here.

I also live pretty rural (in Ireland). My kids don't start preschool until they are 3. Both DH & I wfh. We drive our kids to a private childminder each morning. We have never contemplated not having childcare even though it costs waaaaay more than our mortgage. On a few occasions if our toddler has been home ill we have stupidly tried to juggle if we had important calls but we'd need to tag team so I might work in the morning and DH after lunch. Even then it's distracting if we can hear the kids in the house because my automatic response is to the kids.

Yep. I just keep telling myself it's not forever 😂 But no doubt they'll find a way to spend my money when they're out of childcare. By the time the 2 youngest are both in school, the oldest will be uni age 🫣

OP said on a recent thread that she has Botox twice a year, lip filler once a year, balayage or mini lights, Mounjaro, and that she works so hard, and their combined earnings are over £100k.