Dh angry I don't sweep up the leaves every day

[Whyhavethestreetlightsgoneoff]

I don't give a crap about the leaves in the front and back garden, yes it looks lovely when all tidy but I have enough to do.
I work part time, very part time, but I do everything else, all in the house, food shop, cooking, washing, care of Dc, school runs, school meetings, bill payments, dog walks, vets, picking up dog poo, everything.
Literally the only thing I cannot be arsed doing is sweeping up all the leaves every day. I've never said it needs to be done and have never done it as don't care either way.
Dh always sweeps and sorts garden, great, it looks nice, but no one says he has to.
Second time tonight after work that he was storming around angrily, muttering under his breath about having to be the one who always does it, slamming around angrily.
The last time he made a comment, I told him outright that i'm not doing it on top of doing every other single thing in the house and with Dc.

It's because I only work a few hours.

Aibu or is he?

He hasn't commanded, but the storming around angrily is his passive aggressive way of saying it should have been done/I should have done it because he's at work, even though I do everything else
I work 12 hrs per week

Based purely on my own experience I’d hazard a guess that he’s generally feeling angry, doesn’t really know why and is pleased to have the leaves as an excuse. You’re really doing him a huge favour. Don’t take away his excuse to be angry, he’ll just have to find something else!

Can't he just be an utter knob?

My husband could be a bit like this. The grass had to be cut every few days, with a petrol mower that gave it stripes. Leaves gone. The cars were constantly being washed and he'd hate it if I used my car and it got a bit of dirt on it. His buckets, sponges and cloths were the most frequently used items in the house. Funnily enough, this desire for neatness did not extend to inside the house where he was the messiest person going. He died two years ago and honestly, the peace from not having to live up to his car and garden standards is immense. Not to mention how much tidier things are indoors.

Must say too, daily leaf fall is a pain, but sweeping or raking is daft. Get a blower or a vac to get them into one area, then either leave them on flower beds to mulch or bundle them into the garden waste bin.

Point out to him that fallen leaves are really important hibernation spots for minibeasts, and removing them is damaging the ecosystem.

Throw his clothes in the garden - he can sort them all when he's getting the leaves that he deals with every day.

Blimey! I am single but I never sweep up leaves as it seems such a waste of time!

But it sounds like you have enough on your plate and he’s trying to give you his one job. Also sounds like he wants to take up your time with something unnecessary and repetitive, almost as a control/ abusive thing.

What a waste of perfectly good leaf mould!

Why can’t dh do it if it bothers him so much im failing to understand?

I appreciate your frustration OP but I can also see how he might be irritated.
I appreciate it's only leaves but we all have things that irritate us.
How part time are you and how old are your children?
I appreciate the responsibility of running a home and caring for the children, it seems your husband has responsibility for the financial side.
Don't let this become a bigger problem than it already is, resentment will fester and will be detrimental to all.

Í think people have missed that their grass is fake. It’s not an unnecessary job.

He’s not behaving well about it though.

Oh god I thought the 'bough' was a typo at first (German native speaker - had quite a job to 'learn' British humour). Hats off to you both (I stopped for a moment in case a pun came to mind, but no luck).

OK, so measure the comparison between workload by looking at how much leisure time (sitting around) time you each have. He works regular hours but I'm guessing you're on-call 24/7 with one thing or another?

But, bottom line is, if he wants the leaves swept, he should bloody well do it himself. It wouldn't even make it on to my 'to-do' list.

My MIL was like that, I tried to explain come spring they will all be gone whether you sweep them up or not and while they are falling it's a bit like trying to keep back the tide. Just sweep them up when they are all down if you want to.

Can't he find something useful to do. How about some laundry, vacuuming, cooking cleaning the loo and so it goes on. All the jobs that men take for granted will get done by the housework fairy. Stand your ground and tell him he can shove his leaves where the sun don't shine and if he doesn't shut up you will get a full time.job and then he will be too busy doing his share in the house to worry about the leaves.

He is because it’s not a task that needs to be done. But clearly it means something to him. So I’d say I’m happy to do it once a week because he clearly cares, but not daily as it’s low priority for me. And I would say no more angry muttering because it’s a task nobody else in the country does so he’s made the rod for his back.

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen for ages on here 🤣😂

As the mother of 2 children with Autism, i cant stand people like you! Diagnosising people you dont know and have never met. Its part of the reason people dont take autism seriously anymore because "sure everyone has it" 🙄

Wanting the leaves swept up everyday is not obsessive its just his preference. The same way most people like to sweep their floors everyday. Theyre not obsessing about their bloody floors, they just prefer them clean. Like he prefers a tidy garden.

Exactly WHY do you do everything else @Whyhavethestreetlightsgoneoff?

Exactly. Do we always have to seek a diagnosis?

Buy him a leaf blower for Xmas 🎄

Because I hardly work at present, I suppose
Believe me, when I find more hours, it will all be split

“It seems your husband has responsibility for the financial side”

Major judgement and extrapolation - hope you aren’t on a jury anytime soon

Letting the grass get covered with leaves is bad for it, I think. But OP's DH can sweep them up once a week? There is more to this than leaves. Possibly dissatisfacton at OP being 'at home' having a lovely time being part-time and a mum when DH is working. My ex did this - the final straw was when he said he 'wanted tit for tat', to work from home. No suggestion he would be doing housework, accounts, cooking, preserving, baking, organising social life whilst doing this - just having a nice time like I had (!) - and he kicked up a major fuss when I hired a once a week cleaner, until I stopped employing her. Needs investigating before she leaves him to the leaves.

Leaf the bastard

Can bough out

Tree-mendous

Branch out into comedic writing

MN, we should be able to acknowledge the considerable number of clever, witty women posting on here. We NEED the laughing emoji back so can show appreciation.