AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

[Cantstopeatingjaffacakes]

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed with DD16?

Religion is a big part of my life and I attend church weekly, lead children’s church once a month, go to a weekly prayer meeting and am on the PCC (church leadership). I also work for a Christian charity.

DD used to come to church with me and when she was 10 she asked to stop going as she found it boring which I was fine with as I’ve never believed in forcing it.

Since then we’ve never really spoken about faith other than I have one and it’s important to me. I’ve also said numerous times that it’s ok if she doesn’t believe and it’s something that has to come from within rather than be imposed on you by family.

Recently she’s become quite vocal about being an atheist which is fine - it’s something she’s thought about and has come to her own conclusion.

The issue is that if I chat about something I’ve done at church or that I’m going to my prayer meeting she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to respect that I have my beliefs in the same way that she has hers? Should I stop mentioning my church activities even though it’s a big part of my life?

Sorry it’s a bit longwinded but I didn’t want to drip feed.

She needs to act like an adult and be respectful.
Talking about your day does not warrant it being slagged off regardless of the location (church or otherwise).
YANBU.
She can have her beliefs and you can have yours.
Nip that in the bud. 💯

Yes, definitely come down hard on this. It’s disrespectful.

Personally I'd keep pulling her up on it every time she's rude. I would also ask her to what she would do if it was a teacher of hers or a friend would she react in the same way? She's old enough to be called out on her behaviour. Don't hide your beliefs and hobbies, she needs to learn to be respectful of others in life even if she doesn't agree.

I imagine she is using a teenage egocentric outlook, she will grow up eventually.

I think you’re right to find this disrespectful and unacceptable. 16 yr old thinking she knows everything!

I really wanted to say Yabu as I am also a dedicated atheist with a fair disdain for organised religion.

But she actually just sounds really rude and you sound like you are being very reasonable with your expectations of her. Tell her to stfu next time.

She shouldn't be disrespectful and you should talk to her about this, but how much do you talk about religion around her? And do you genuinely respect her beliefs?

It seems to be a very big part of your life so I'm just curious.

My mother was very religious and she went through phases where it was very much the focal point in her life. It was quite draining listening to her at times, as she didn't seem to have any other interests and expected me to care about something I don't believe in.

You have been very fair with her and very respectful of her right to her own views re religion. Of course she should respect your right to your beliefs and religion.

I generally just chat about my day. So it’ll probably be that I’m going somewhere or that the dining table is needed tonight because I’ve got to prep for children’s church. I don’t really talk about the faith aspect or what I believe unless she or her brother ask me. I did help her a bit with RS last year but that was more along the lines of ‘here’s a good bible passage that explains it’ or ‘some Christian believe’. I’ve always tried hard not impose my beliefs on them.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.

I do respect her views - I find it hard but at the end of the day I can’t force her to become a Christian and she has to find her own way through life and she’s happy then I’m happy for her.

Sounds fair, in that case she's probably just being a stroppy teenager. Absolutely fair to call out a lack of respect.

Definitely call out a lack of respect. She needs to learn that you are interested in how she spends her day and your are entitled to share what you do.

Is it just you and DD?

You made me laugh. Just came back from a prayer meeting to tell the daughter to stfu 🤣

There’s DS15 too, he hasn’t said anything about what he believes and I don’t think he’s really thought about it. The only time he mentions it is to ask if he’s too old for a Christingle service!

I think it's fair enough to say that you understand she has different beliefs, but it's just plain rude of her to eyeroll or start an argument every time you mention church in passing (as opposed to deliberately starting a discussion about beliefs). I would call her out on it. I say this as someone who was also very atheist when I was your DD's age.

No, she could get in serious trouble if she did that with certain people, not just in the workplace. Children being disrespectful of some faiths at school have been accused of racism.
It's unlikely that there won't be people of all different religions in her life as she moves through school/college/jobs. And she should be polite to you anyway, as you're her mum, and being respectful and caring about someone's interests, even if you don't share them, is important.

She's just trying to make sure you know she's not going to be religious like you, but she's a teenager and doesn't know how to say it. Just leave her to it or make a joke of it and she'll grow out of it.

'I’ve always tried hard not impose my beliefs on them.'
Yet it's a massive part of your life. I'm not surprised your children are confused as to want you want.

That actually makes sense and helps. Thank you.

Meh, 16 year olds are here to rebel, so I couldn't take that too personally. This is normal, healthy behaviour I would say, and if it weren't religion it'd.be something else.
I was a very vocal atheist as a kid. I even rejected the label atheist (blatant rip off of Christopher Hitchens/Dawkins and co) as it implied 'theism,' is a thing I should define myself by.
Age and maturity (I hope) taught me that others views are valid and interesting, and nowadays I try and find the common ground.
Just have it as a non-topic in the house, that's how me and my mum survived. A cheery, "well we don't agree so let's discuss something happier" should do it.

I guess I’ve always seen it as massive part of my life and not theirs if you see what I mean but I get what your saying.

This is how I feel about faith and raisjg my kids the same way. It is a pull from within that shoukd come freely rather than forced.

I have a friend who does this to me and I find it so disrespectful. Your teenager id being immature and ignorant. I hope you can nip it in the bud so that she doesnt behave like this as an adult.

I don't think you are being unreasonable and she should be polite. My parents are and were deeply religious. It's basically their whole life and always has been. As a teenager I'm sure I was rude to them quite often because it was suffocating and every response was through the lens of their religious beliefs. Now I'm old I just ignore them but I'm not sure I had the self control as a teenager. As someone said previously she is letting you know it's not her thing but isn't doing that respectfully. That's what she needs to work on.

She's a teenager and naturally knows best about everything. Your beliefs are different to hers so must be silly.

It's pretty normal but also disrespectful and something I'd address as a learning opportunity as much as anything. Ask her if she would roll her eyes if her Muslim or Hindu friend mentioned their religion. Remind her that whilst she doesn't have to understand your beliefs, and can even find them daft privately, she owes everyone a basic level of respect and that includes both you and your Christian faith.

I don’t think this is about religion beliefs being respected. It’s about basic manners.

Why does she think it’s ok to roll her eyes and make rude comments?

If she was telling you about a band she’s into, or a brand, or a new fashion for hair, she wouldn’t like you to roll yours eyes and comment how stupid fashions are now.

We should be courteous to other people whether we agree with them or not.

In fact that’s a big issue these days- the expectation that disagreement makes rudeness acceptable.

I'm with the daughter.

Maybe she's well versed on the Catholic church and child abuse scandals... Or knows why the last Archbishop of Canterbury lost his job for turning a blind eye to historical sexual abuse of children by priests....(he knew, but wished he didn't)

Either way, she's no fan of the church.

Good for her. She's just standing up for her generation, young people, who previously had no voice when they spoke to church elders...

Yes, it's not everyone (that old chestnut), but it's more than plenty from top to bottom.

There's a super documentary on the BBC now on forced adoptions... In their words "babies from young, poor working class mothers being given (sold) to nice, married middle class couples"... It went on decades, latterly into the 1980s, with cruel church led mother-baby units the last hold outs to making frightened girls feel like they had no choice...

Your daughter is smart to form her own, protective, opinion. Time to watch that documentary I suggest...

Maybe in your home rolling eyes and saying a belief is stupid, to me it would just be a teenager having an opinion. She Isn’t saying you are stupid or picking on your religion.
i think lots of things are stupid and I feel comfortable saying so to those I love and trust.