AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

[Cantstopeatingjaffacakes]

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed with DD16?

Religion is a big part of my life and I attend church weekly, lead children’s church once a month, go to a weekly prayer meeting and am on the PCC (church leadership). I also work for a Christian charity.

DD used to come to church with me and when she was 10 she asked to stop going as she found it boring which I was fine with as I’ve never believed in forcing it.

Since then we’ve never really spoken about faith other than I have one and it’s important to me. I’ve also said numerous times that it’s ok if she doesn’t believe and it’s something that has to come from within rather than be imposed on you by family.

Recently she’s become quite vocal about being an atheist which is fine - it’s something she’s thought about and has come to her own conclusion.

The issue is that if I chat about something I’ve done at church or that I’m going to my prayer meeting she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to respect that I have my beliefs in the same way that she has hers? Should I stop mentioning my church activities even though it’s a big part of my life?

Sorry it’s a bit longwinded but I didn’t want to drip feed.

I’m not assuming people don’t say it. I’m pointing out that it’s objectionable when they do say it, just like it’s objectionable to expect OP to have to censor very basic information about where she went.

But feminism and gay rights are ideologies. As Mumsnet never tires of pointing out, not all women are feminists, and supporting gay rights doesn’t mean someone is gay.

Mentioning where you went during the day isn’t pushing an ideology, no matter where you went. And it’s unreasonable to think that people, talking in their own home about their own day, should have to censor themselves when talking about it, or else they’re “pushing an ideology.”

I don't think that supporting gay rights is an ideology any more than choosing not to mug old ladies is an ideology.

@Pallisersbut it is really, really annoying.

I have a relative that often mentions going to church, people at church… oh at the church etc. it seems to be the sole focus of their life.

I couldn’t bear to live with someone that did it.

Religion is a big part of my life but I do have other activities that I guess I can talk to her about more.

I love this OP. Love that your take from this thread is to find other ways to connect with her. I hope you can find common interests to connect over.

I would avoid talking to her about it beyond saying I'm off to church back in a couple of hours, but if you are mentioning it to a group and she is part of it then she should be respectful.

If those "ideologies" disappeared over night @YankSplaining women would still be women and have rights, gay people would still be gay and have rights. @Cantstopeatingjaffacakes wouldn't have an issue with her teenage child saying all religion, including hers, was stupid because there wouldn't be any religious people.

Of course it’s an ideology. You and I both agree that it’s the correct thing to do, but let’s not pretend like gay rights are an immutable fact. There are still people alive old enough to remember when consensual sex between men was a crime.

Women’s rights and gay rights are not immutable facts, like “scissors can cut paper” or “apples grow on trees.” They’re a series of laws that are the result of ideologies. You and I believe they’re correct, but that they doesn’t mean they aren’t ideologies.

16 year olds and their bloody opinions. They know everything, apparently. I have a (lowly paid) difficult and time consuming job that’s quite hard to do well. The 16 year old told me earlier this week that I’m making a massive deal out of it and that AI can easily be do what I do. It can’t, by the way.
I find that the 16 year old in question doesn’t much enjoy me talking about work. Glib responses ensue and I get annoyed. So we have to find other topics to converse on. Maybe your 16 year old feels the same about church as mine feels about my job (it seems to be believed that my job is a kind of mania!)

@Cantstopeatingjaffacakes
exactly this!!

So much to unpick her. First though, nothing could induce me to tell my DD I'd be mocking her feelings. Even in response to her mocking mine. Just terrible parenting.

Thank goodness OP went with connecting in other ways.

Let us substitute religion for say golf.

Supposing this young woman had been dragged along to golf for the first 10 years of her life from an infant and subjected to an incessant background noise of golf talk, and then at last been allowed to let it go. But she now still finds herself still surrounded by incessant golf talk as the focus of her life at home - who can blame her for rolling her eyes?

And yes - I do think the substitution is valid. Religion is not exempt from being boring to those who do not share that interest.

OP needs to backpedal on the church references and find other things to talk about and to share with her DD, with whom I have huge sympathy.

You are right. Following along with that. If it is fair to tell your parents off for listening to shit music, why isn’t religion fair game?

You need to have a word with your daughter. She doesn't get to disrespect you in any way, be it calling your beliefs stupid or calling you names. You're the mother, it's your responsibility to set the boundaries - make it clear to your daughter that she's entitled to her opinions and beliefs, but she does not speak to her parents with degradation and disrespect. End of.