AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

[Cantstopeatingjaffacakes]

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed with DD16?

Religion is a big part of my life and I attend church weekly, lead children’s church once a month, go to a weekly prayer meeting and am on the PCC (church leadership). I also work for a Christian charity.

DD used to come to church with me and when she was 10 she asked to stop going as she found it boring which I was fine with as I’ve never believed in forcing it.

Since then we’ve never really spoken about faith other than I have one and it’s important to me. I’ve also said numerous times that it’s ok if she doesn’t believe and it’s something that has to come from within rather than be imposed on you by family.

Recently she’s become quite vocal about being an atheist which is fine - it’s something she’s thought about and has come to her own conclusion.

The issue is that if I chat about something I’ve done at church or that I’m going to my prayer meeting she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to respect that I have my beliefs in the same way that she has hers? Should I stop mentioning my church activities even though it’s a big part of my life?

Sorry it’s a bit longwinded but I didn’t want to drip feed.

I think at that age they are starting to think very deeply about things and I remember being that age and thinking what a horrible big lie all religions were. They are very dark if you think about it and don't believe in it.
Religion is a huge topic so perhaps discussing and debating would actually be helpful for her to process what she knows or think she knows. At her age sometimes it’s hard to know when to raise an opinion and when to think it in your head but not say it …
I’m not sure she’s doing anything wrong, really. Religion is a huge and emotive subject. She’s allowed to raise an eyebrow, I certainly do.

Or you could upturn the tables of the money lenders in your town if you are not feeling gentle.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.

I wonder if she feels a bit pushed to one side? It sounds a bit as if your religion means more to you than your children.

There's a difference between respecting someone's right to have certain beliefs and respecting the beliefs themselves.

I couldn't respect the belief that the earth is flat, for example.

I agree she’s being rude and at 16, she’s matured enough to have a level headed conversation about not being so rude.

I think with how important faith is to you, it’s a real shame you allowed her to stop at 10. If she found it boring, it would’ve been the perfect opportunity to take her views on how to make things more interesting.

I know people who allow their kids to stop attending church but much older than 10.

To DS15, it’s never too late to attend a christingle service. I only found out about them as an adult and I love attending

Being brutally honest, and I’m sorry if this hurts you, to many atheists religion feels like watching people take part in group psychosis. Or a cult. It feels bizarre especially among seemingly rational adults and being told about it can be tiresome and uncomfortable. I don’t want to hear about what happened at your cult meeting where you discuss things I think are lies told by historical governments to keep the masses, especially women and the marginalised, in their place.

I am an adult and can obviously hide my belief about other people’s faith and be polite and just say nothing in real life. She’s a teen who is pushing boundaries. You can ask her not to say those things because you find it hurtful. You cannot ask her not to believe them.

Team teenager here. It's really hard when a parent is totally indoctrinated and their life revolves around a church, the church comes first blah de dah. Just give her a break from it. It'll cause even more distance between you otherwise.

"modelling Christ's greatness" is creepy.

I wouldn't want my 16yr old daughter being told anything about "Christ's greatness" in order for an adult to get something from her, whether it be a type of behaviour or something sinister...

In the real world this preachy stuff is very manipulative towards teenagers. Predatory. It feeds on older people, elders, knowing 'better', quoting from a book in order to appear wiser, more correct, more respectable.

Even the vicar in Poldark was a creep. I wonder where the author got his inspiration????

Leave your teenage daughter alone. Religious fervour should end at bible class, not come home with you.

Or curse her as Jesus cursed the fig tree for not bearing fruit.

Have you asked her what she says to her friends?

I mention it because I know someone who is quite passionately anti-theist

And she will happily explain that and she doesn’t like the word atheist because she likes to express how much she is against organised religion.

Funnily enough, it looks to me as if it’s only the western organised religions that she objects to. I haven’t questioned her about this. But I have noticed that she finds it charming if somebody is a devout Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Buddhist etc

Putting it bluntly, I’m wondering if she’s in that kind of culture where only Christianity gets criticised. There’s an irritating amount of it about.

Meh, 16 year olds are here to rebel, so I couldn't take that too personally. This is normal, healthy behaviour I would say, and if it weren't religion it'd.be something else.

I agree with this - if it wasn't religion it would be something else- your clothes, your parkrun habit, your cooking, whatever. But I still wouldn't tolerate it beyond the odd eyeroll that I'd pretend not to see. I wasn't rude and dismissive to my teenagers and I didn't just put up with them being rude to me - and don't see rudeness as being normal and healthy. No big deal but just say to her please talk to me pleasantly - you wouldn't like it if I or anyone else went about eyerolling at you. 16 is plenty old enough to realise that parents are full human beings who don't just exist as a foil for their moods.

Clearly you have trouble reading and understanding words. I said she can model Christ's gentleness.

The dictionary definition:

Respect means a feeling of high regard or admiration for someone or something, along with treating them with care, politeness, and consideration.

I think your daughter should be polite to you but not necessarily have respect if she thinks what you believe is daft.

That wasn't very kind and forgiving.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.
It can be very difficult when a relatives life is dominated by religion and revolves around it. It can feel like theres no room for anyone or anything else, and can feel like an obsession.

Knowing how much abuse occurs in religious communities, this kind of talk is so triggering for me.

You should be more concerned your daughter is going straight to Hell.

Honestly - I would quite simply ignore it - it will pass.

I suspect that, given your immersion in your faith, she has probably had a bellyful of it all her life and just wants to be rid of it all. Her view that all religions are stupid is her view. Simply that. She is allowed to say this; just as you are allowed to state the opposite. Saying this is no more disrespectful than you saying it is not stupid - it is just a view.

I think this is one of her teenage rebellion hooks and it will go away if you ignore it. Living with religious parents can be a bit of a pain! She might feel that your going on about it all the time, however unevangelized, is disrespectful to her.

Or that it will be terribly disappointing for the OP when it turns out not to exist, and nor does heaven.

Scientifically speaking, hell nor in fact heaven exist.

"Christ's gentleness" then.

Either way, I feel v sorry for the girl. Her mother doesn't sound all that gentle. Sounds indoctrinated.

I'm amazed how the church feels it has any authority these days given all the awful things that went on. Still covered up. Deny deny, deny, until caught.

Thankfully, people vote with their feet...

Churches are empty these days... A few elderly stalwarts, a vicar spread between 4 churches because of the lack of demand, lack of tithes and lack of young people.

I'm relieved the next generation are become more educated, more aware, and don't need the church for anything any more...

Yes, I love how critical thinking is being taught nowadays...teens are so much more clued in. What's the evidence, what's fact and what's opinion etc. Knowledge about multi denominations, multi cultures. Less blanket indoctrination.

A 17 yr old girl is going to hell?

Get a life, archbishop. Sorry, former archbiship. Pity you got caught protecting that priest who abused boys for decades...

It's very different, you discussing it as a matter of course - "am off to a faith meeting" or "I saw so-and-so at the church today" to lecturing her about faith. You may as well have said "I picked this up at tesco today" or whatever.. just describing your day or your plans.

You're not talking about faith in a way to lecture or to get her to believe, she should allow you the same courtesy. Keep reminding her about manners and respect, that's all this is really.

Ha, this is what religious people were shouting in my town centre a young teen - put me off religion for life.