AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

[Cantstopeatingjaffacakes]

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed with DD16?

Religion is a big part of my life and I attend church weekly, lead children’s church once a month, go to a weekly prayer meeting and am on the PCC (church leadership). I also work for a Christian charity.

DD used to come to church with me and when she was 10 she asked to stop going as she found it boring which I was fine with as I’ve never believed in forcing it.

Since then we’ve never really spoken about faith other than I have one and it’s important to me. I’ve also said numerous times that it’s ok if she doesn’t believe and it’s something that has to come from within rather than be imposed on you by family.

Recently she’s become quite vocal about being an atheist which is fine - it’s something she’s thought about and has come to her own conclusion.

The issue is that if I chat about something I’ve done at church or that I’m going to my prayer meeting she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to respect that I have my beliefs in the same way that she has hers? Should I stop mentioning my church activities even though it’s a big part of my life?

Sorry it’s a bit longwinded but I didn’t want to drip feed.

But it gets tedious. Surely you can understand that?

It’s like if a teen girl had a dad who loved football and had a season ticket and she thought it was daft, a waste of time and energy etc I would not expect them to be rolling their eyes every time he mentions it in passing.

Like what’s the point?

You’ve made your feelings clear before but why keep on and on about it?

It’s like if a teen girl had a dad who loved football and had a season ticket and she thought it was daft, a waste of time and energy etc I would not expect them to be rolling their eyes every time he mentions it in passing.

I would!

It's very rude but she is young so worth having a conversation about manners and tolerance. I'd only escalate to consequences if she continued being rude. I would say 'tolerate' rather than 'respect' when having that conversation. I don't respect people who actively believe in fantasies (people who claim to be witches or believe in a god, for example, though I include atheists too because they also have no proof for their belief) - it's all nonsense and I don't respect people who believe stories that cannot be proven. It's weird. It's okay to say; "I don't know because there is no evidence". I.e. agnostics.

But I'll tolerate beliefs. That's the price of freedom.

@Diamond7272 ”Churches are empty these days... A few elderly stalwarts, a vicar spread between 4 churches because of the lack of demand, lack of tithes and lack of young people.
I'm relieved the next generation are become more educated, more aware, and don't need the church for anything any more...”

I realise you won’t want to say, but I’m wondering where you live and I’m curious to know if you would say that about other places of worship.

That's just what teenagers do. It's a phase. Let it go.

That would be ok - better to be with Elvis and Freddie Mercury than Cliff Richard and Mother Theresa.

Talk of religion can actually be quite triggering for some people, who have been treated badly in the name of it, or who have been quietly encouraged/ coerced to join. It can make little mentions feel pointed.

She knows where you are going, it's weekly or monthly and has been for her entire life. Why can't you just say you are off out? She knows where you are going, what time it starts and what time it finishes because it is predictable behaviour.

It does appear by this constant reference to your prayer meetings that you are indeed trying to force your religion on your daughter. She has told you she isn't interested. I'd roll
my eyes too especially with reference to "leadership meetings" hardly humble is it?

Because you are 16.

Well I’m glad me and my teen friends were all a lot more tolerant of those with different beliefs whether they were our parents or friends.

I had friends who had Christian, Jehovah witness and Mormon and Muslim and Sikh and atheist or agnostic parents and/or siblings.

And thankfully I haven’t seen this behaviour in teens I know now who have differing beliefs to their parents.

She’s 16 not 12 though!

I find teens 14+ start to be a lot less childish.

When I worked with kids the 10-13 years old were the worst 😂 they were sweet kids at heart but always trying to be sooo cool and everything was sooo uncool, whereas they seem to chill out a bit after a couple of years.

I will save this thread for the next time some reform muppets goes on about Muslims in the UK are destroying Christianity and making Christians feel unwelcome to practice their faith in the UK and creating a hostile atmosphere etc

The call is coming from inside the house!

Hint: It’s not the Muslims calling 😂

Would you tolerate all beliefs? Someone who believed the earth to be flat? Someone who believed that women should be subservient to men? Someone who believed that children should be beaten with sticks if they're disobedient? Are all those beliefs deserving of tolerance and respect?

Have you watched songs of praise recently???

It's the local private school with their forced choristers (or detention), a few elderly ladies, the vicar and her aged labrador.

If the BBC could relegate it to a lesser broadcast time than it's already got (due to no viewers), then they would...

I mean this with love, but I'm wondering if you've got a bit of "church-blindness" going on here. You say you don't talk about faith or impose it, but you're recommending bible passages??

@Diamond7272 I have never watched that show, no. Please don’t tell me to watch it. I don’t do BBC. We all have our beliefs!

@FriendlyMedusa I mean this with genuine curiosity, did you actually read the OP’s post? She specifically said she recommended some Bible passages for RS study. I’m going to do her the courtesy of assuming that her daughter asked for help with school work rather than assuming that she just barged in there…

There seem to be a lot of strange assumptions going on on this thread.

As I say, I can’t help noticing that Christianity attracts so much unpleasantness, both here and in real life, and other religions do not.

One person explained it to me by saying “people don’t know enough about other religions to criticise them”. It seems extremely unfair that some people get the polite treatment and others don’t, and I don’t think it’s purely for that reason.

Instead of spending time on biblical passages, just watch the news. I see the Bishop of Northampton is up for sexual abuse of children today. Another one.

How can church goers be so blind to the fact that the current generation of children and teenagers might not want anything to do with the church?? For good reason.

Google it.

What on earth are you talking about?? A) I explicitly said I don't respect people who believe things without evidence so respect was never on the table and B) why have you decided I was referring to all beliefs needing to be tolerated.. rather than religion? I suppose I did say I would tolerate beliefs at the end.. on my post about religion.. but why are you bringing up literal crimes? No. I don't have to tolerate crime or abuse. But outside of that, I do have to tolerate people who believe the earth is flat. Because I don't personally know it isn't, do I? We're all just believing what we've been told - I haven't done any experiments but I do accept the current consensus that the earth is round.

Are you advocating for e.g. prison time for flatearthers? Or full ostracism from society? What else are you doing with flatearthers if not tolerating them? Are you advocating for unnecessary rudeness to them? How do you respond to them?

Fair point. Apologies about mentioning the BBC and songs of praise. :)

I agree with those PPs who said that it's just normal teenage behaviour. She's trying to define herself as separate from you. I wouldn't take offence (God doesn't, I'm sure!).

i would definitely have done that as a teenager. And I’m pretty sure I did.

I mocked all sorts of my parents opinions, habits and ideas. I’m a nice person now but for about 5 years I was a thoroughly unpleasant teenager. Although I redeemed myself later.

And it still doesn’t make me any less infuriated when my own teens do it to me.

The Lord works in mysterious ways and has wonders to perform.

She is absolutely allowed to think it is stupid. The conversation need to have is about when it is appropriate to express our opinions.

We don’t just walk up to people and tell them they are wearing an ugly shirt or they have bad taste in music.

If she wants to have religious debates with people, she needs to pick her moments and make sure her debating partner is willing to participate.

Will he manage to get the Archbishop of Northampton acquitted?

Another 'historic abuse' case from 25yrs ago....

This chap may need a few wonders...

Sorry, promoted him. Only a bishop.

Accused of abusing a girl at Lourdes whilst on a pilgrimage. 25 yrs ago. If found guilty, another paedophile living and working amongst us with reverence for the last 25yrs... Protected.

Back to the original post and point to the thread. Well done to your daughter not having anything to do with the church.

Keeps her safe.