Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

[Cherrytree696]

So before I start I just want to say my mother in law is a perfectly nice lady. We aren't super close but as far as they go she is fine.

I'm curious to know if my husband is being unreasonable or not.

We are just about to celebrate my youngest child's first birthday and it has been mentioned by my in laws that a present will be coming for my daughter and my son (not just my daughter who is celebrating her birthday). My husband has requested that they do not do this as he feels that birthdays should be about the person whose birthday it is and he wants our son to understand that and vice versa when it is his birthday he would like to teach that to our daughter. My husband can be quite weird about presents and would prefer the children didn't get much valuing experiences over physical gifts etc ...

However my mother in law is absolutely adamant that she is going to be getting them both a present. I don't understand either of them and I can see both sides really... And I can see that both are being entirely unreasonable.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I am personally staying out of it.

If she wants to get a gift for both let her.

Say thank you

Honestly bigger things to argue about..

You are not asking her to do this, she wants to. The baby won't know and in future years the kids will get double presents to enjoy :)

Hard no from me.

When my children were young I used to buy the 'not birthday' sibling a little gift, something small that cost less than £10! It was a little gesture and they still understood it wasn't their birthday.
I'm not sure why your MIL wants to do this so desperately though, especially after being told no? That is the weird part to me.

My MIL has always done this. It wasn’t something I particularly approved of but it simply wasn’t worth causing any angst over it. It’s always something small and token. This year was some hair bobbles and a new hairbrush. She is a kind and generous person. I can be bothered to hurt her feelings or start an argument.
Unless she’s buying him a new PlayStation on his sisters birthday I would let it slide.

I don't think it's a common thing, or necessary, but at the same time I wouldn't object to it. It's only one gift from grandparents. The birthday boy will presumably still get more presents and more fuss made of them than the sibling.

My MIL always buys a little gift for the non birthday DC. My DM has never done this.

It's really not something I could get worked up about, or would want to police.

Exactly this.

Personally I really don't like it when children get presents on their siblings birthday. From what I have seen growing up (and this is just my experience, so pleased don't bash me) they become entitled and really bratty.

A few aunts and uncles tried to do this with my kids and I said thanks but no thanks.

We have DC with birthdays very close and so there is some element of sharing presents/present opening because far away relatives send stuff jointly. However in principle I am with your DH on this and even agree on not that many physical gifts - DC end up with so much stuff!

A little something can help when young with jealousy. It doesn't have to go on for ever.

Stops them grabbing siblings presents, tears and stress.

No way. All this ‘Everyone wins, all shall have prizes’ stuff is behind much of the trouble with toddler adults now, in my book!
Kids (and their grandmothers) must learn that we do not need to share the spotlight with our siblings when it’s their big day, just as we do not grow up and propose to our beloved in the middle of that sibling’s wedding.
Bring children up with the instinct for selflessness in such occasions, not a feeling of begrudgery if someone else is receiving gifts/ praise etc.

or you could just teach them that there’s nothing to be jealous about as everyone has their own birthday so no one is missing out 🙄

and sorry but there would be no grabbing of siblings presents anyway, who would allow a child to do that? Only parents of entitled children

I always did this - although it seems to be very frowned upon on Mumsnet! My two were always very close and good at sharing, so it was just a little extra “birthday fun” as far as I was concerned. Everyone knew whose birthday it was and the focus was always on the birthday child entirely. I actually remember my older one seeing something her sister would like in a shop and saying “but Mummy, you could get that for her for my birthday”, which I found rather amusing. It naturally fizzled out as they got older and they’re hugely supportive of each other’s successes, so I can’t say I think it’s done anyone any harm.

I buy ‘myself’ a present on my kids’ birthdays as having them was pretty horrific and I deserve endless appreciation for it 😂

However I don’t get them gifts for each other. That feels odd but not problematic enough for me to make a fuss. I’d just chalk it up to whatever and move on.

Oh rubbish

A little something when sibling is young just helps smooth the day so everyone has a nice time. It can be part of helping a child learn about things in a positive manner and manage their own emotions.

I doubt you have.😀
I have only one child so it didn't apply. However, I have 2 grandsons, 2 years in age difference.
We always let the non-birthday boy pick up something himself, like a little dinky car, or some such treat.

I agree, it did neither any harm.

If the gift giver wants to do it is fine but it shouldn't be an expectation
SIL insisted we do this but I said no, when we arrived for Dnephews 1st birthday party she asked where Dnieces present was and I said I hadn't go one (I did have some chocolate buttons in my bag though). SIL pesented me with something from her "gift drawer" and old me to give it to Dniece. I said no
She then handed it to Dniece and said "look what uncle and Aunite Hopping got you" I said that we hadn't
That was a frosty afternoon

No way. You teach them from the start that your birthday is your special day. In my family there are birthdays close to Christmas (just before and just after) and there are no joint Christmas Birthday presents. Children are now adults and never had a problem with it. Do the people who buy presents for other children on a birthday do the same if their child goes to a birthday party? Where does it end?

We did it when the DC were really little as it is hard for them watching a sibling opening a big pile of presents, especially if their own birthday is ages away. Only a little present though.

Now they are a bit older we have had an emergency present stashed in case the sibling started to lose it, but haven't had to bring it out.

It’s certainly not a new thing- I’m a granny now and some of my “kids” are well into adulthood and we’ve always done it. No jealousy or brattish behaviours- just an understanding that sometimes it can be nice to share the fun of a sibling birthday. Also I love present buying so it just seems natural. Like giving a sibling a wee gift when they get a new baby- which seems quite reasonable to me. Little ones can struggle with big emotions so when they’re young a birthday of a sibling can be tricky to not feel jealous. So why not make that a little easier? They still
know it’s not their birthday and a fuss is made of the birthday child. But it’s shared out a little. I do it with my grandchildren too! But it can literally be little things like a Pp has said like hair bobbles or a book etc. not a massive gift.

We didn’t do gifts for the siblings. There are treats for everyone on birthdays like cake, balloons and chocolate and the siblings were happy with this.

I don’t think it’s necessary, and it’s not something I do. I also don’t think it’s a massive problem.

What I do think is a problem is her doing it despite being asked by the child’s parent not too.

I think it depends on the ages of the child. For pre-schoolers it can help keep them quiet and stop issues (eg them wanting to 'help unwrap' siblings presents before they start. Yes they need to learn but it's sometimes nice to do without a 'teachable moment'. A 10 year old - no way. We did this with my kids when they were small amd they were fine stopping hen they got bigger and they were fine celebrating other people's birthdays (like friends and other family) without getting jealous. I can confirm they're not at all entitled and often will tell me to find a cheap copy of clothes on vinted as full price isn't worth the money!

Interesting to read people's messages on this. I don't care really but my husband definitely does. Although maybe it has more to do with my mother in law going against his wishes than the actual present.

I think MIL wants to give gifts and it’s supremely ungrateful not to just accept with grace. I also think it’s really controlling to tell her what gifts she can get for who. MILs just can’t win on here. Your DH sounds dour.