AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

[Walkerss]

So 3 years ago my ex left me for somebody else, I have finally got to a place where I am happy, the kids are happy and all is going well.

when we were a couple we made an agreement that I would pay nursery fees and he would pay the finance on my car. Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car and last night he turned up and demanded the keys. I gave them to him and instantly felt relieved that he didn’t have anything else on me. However school is quite a drive away since I moved area and I told him I wouldn’t be able to take them to school. His response was, not my problem, I can take them on my days so it’s nothing to do with him.

how can he be so evil?! At least warn me so I had time to get a car. I hate him!

Because you are very much wrong.

I quoted a post now I can't find it, sorry!

Report it stolen. It sounded like it was his car, in his name, but if you're the registered owner and keeper, report the theft.

Well he’ll just bin that, won’t he?

Don't give such stupid advice.

It was his car, in his name, that he paid for. And she handed over the keys.

Why do posters love encouraging people to waste police time on here?

Christ. Do not do this.

She said it was her car 🤷🏻 @MissChanandlerBonng

He could have given you some notice but it is his car as it's in his name. Make sure cancel the insurance etc

Lovely attitude.

He’s a wanker @Walkerss , I’m really sorry, but at least now he has nothing else to hold over your head. Men like that don’t care about their kids, they just like to be in control.

@Walkerss you've cancelled the insurance and vehicle tax now, hopefully?

To be fair, she’s said both it was his and it was hers.

What a shitty thing to do, letting his kids suffer to spite you.

He's a bastard u know it !
I'm sure some posters on here are spiteful or stupid !
Best thing is just let it go at least u have no ties or a hold over u now .
Get yourself a little runaround and maybe ask if u can cadge a lift with someone until u sorted for the school runs 🌺

Yes this is genius 😁

I am sorry. That sucks. I would imagine it’s because you’ve gotten into a place where you are doing well without him that has his nose out of joint. While I can say that I think that you should’ve either moved to the car into your name at the time of the divorce/separation or sorted something out when he first started with the threats, that’s not particularly helpful now. Is there may be a bus or a friend who would help you get the kids to school for the next day or so while you sort out a car? Can you afford a car payment to get a replacement?

I am sorry that your ex is being a dick. Further evidence on why you are grateful that he’s an ex.

If the car was in your name, like the actual title, then you would have something to pursue. If the title is his name, but the vehicle licensing and the insurance is is in yours, then I would cancel any payments you are making with regard to keeping the car street legal immediately. It’s not even gonna come down to who paid for it as much as who legally owns it, whose name is on the title.

For example, my name was on the title for a lot of our cars. Even though my husband got the insurance and paid all the payments. It’s just the way the paperwork was drawn up. Usually because I was the first person to research the car and to reach out to the dealership. So technically speaking, even though he paid for them, all of our cars were my cars.

If the title is in his name, there is probably nothing you can do. But if when you got it, it was your car, in your name, and he just made the payments, then he’s got nothing to hold over your head. He’s got no legal right to the car.

If lawyers were involved at the time of the separation, it might be worth a call to your lawyer. If a little research shows the car is in your name, and you are the legal registered owner, then I would try and get it back. And this is definitely the kind of thing that I would involved the Police in in if need be.

Not sure why you’ve tagged me, but she can feel it’s her car, but legally, it’s not.

I don’t care about the car really, I’m looking for another it isn’t a big deal. It is how he did it and the things that he said. It’s like he means he is only a dad on his days, I would care if he couldn’t get the kids to school and help out but we’re obviously different. Everything we do should be about the kids and nothing else.

Oh, they're just shits, aren't they? We had 2 cars - one was an ancient Fiat worth about £800, one was a brand new £24,000 thing - guess which one he took? Traded it in for a massive mid-life crisis van and claimed that the finance on that was more expensive than the car had been worth (there was £8,000 still owing) so somehow he'd done me a favour taking on the debt.

Just breathe a sigh of relief, OP, one less tie to him. I take great pride now in having provided for DS by myself - at least yours is paying maintenance!

You quoted me. It's unclear who owns the car, hence the point I made in the post that you quoted me in. She said it was in his name, but then said it's her car.

You’ve split, it might sound harsh but in reality he doesn’t have any duty of care towards you nor does he need to, his comments about it not being his problem how his kids gets to school are ridiculous, he should show more care to them, but really that’s the only issue here. I get you’re feeling put out but no matter how you phrase it that’s his car, you can say it’s yours all you want, but his name is on it, he’s paid the monthly finance and now it’s paid off he has in fact paid the full price of the car. It’s like my sister buying a car and letting me use it for a few years, I might pay for the MOT and insure myself because I’m using it, but it would still be her car. This is no different. It’s a shocker you managed to keep it for 3 years.

I don’t want him to have a duty of care to me, I want him to have a duty of care to the kids.

What an arsehole.

So you've paid for nursery and have nothing tangible to show.

Assuming the costs were similar which I doubt, I bet you paid a lot more, the car is at least 1/2 yours.

I’m assuming you were not married as the value of the car would have been taken into account as part of a divorce.
Look at the facts here.
He bought a car that was paid off when you split.
You paid nursery fees. When did the Dc stop going to nursery?
He has told you several times that he wants the car back.
You have ignored this for 3 years.
You have moved away from the DCs school.
He has now finally taken back the car.

Honestly, you’ve had the use of a car that didn’t belong to you for 3 years, and had 3 years to replace it but chose not to. Sadly, that’s where the problem lies.

Christ the mumsnet nastiness in full force today. It was a shit selfish thing to do with no notice. Hope you sort one soon