AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

[Walkerss]

So 3 years ago my ex left me for somebody else, I have finally got to a place where I am happy, the kids are happy and all is going well.

when we were a couple we made an agreement that I would pay nursery fees and he would pay the finance on my car. Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car and last night he turned up and demanded the keys. I gave them to him and instantly felt relieved that he didn’t have anything else on me. However school is quite a drive away since I moved area and I told him I wouldn’t be able to take them to school. His response was, not my problem, I can take them on my days so it’s nothing to do with him.

how can he be so evil?! At least warn me so I had time to get a car. I hate him!

youve not mentioned when the insurance is up for renewal, but make sure you cancel it the day you hand the car back. If there’s a few months to go, you’ll get a refund(minus admin fee).
If you accidentally forget to tell him it’s cancelled and he assumes it’s still covered - that would be terrible wouldn’t it 🥲

No, because most drivers are covered to drive another car, not just their own, so it won't affect him at all

Especially as it hasn't JUST happened, so am sure he sorted it out ages ago

Because you’re being vicious in your attacks on her and frankly, I don’t think you’re being fair. You certainly aren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt that you would want someone to give you.

I am simply reading what she has written.

It wouldn't need the kind of benefit of the doubt you are asking for her over anything I write because there is no way that I would write the totally conflicting stuff she has written.

Vicious? Spare me the histrionics. Report my posts if you think they break forum rules.

I don't know why you've chosen to argue with me, there are plenty of other people who've said exactly the same things.

The insurance policy extension that allows you to drive other cars (DOC) is only valid if that car is fully insured by its usual driver. It does not cover you to drive a totally uninsured car.

Goodness me! Don't bring facts into the argument.

I get what you're at, OP. You've been caught out talking about the ongoing grief with your arsehole of an ex as if it was ongoing.
Nobody likes that but it doesn't change the fact that you think he's an arsehole.
He probably is, far too many are.

I mean. I don’t know what I was trying to gain from this post. My expectations of a father have become considerably low.

a lot of people will think I am wrong and a lot of people will think I am right. Yes the car was his and I shouldn’t have been so naive to think that he would stick to the arrangement we had. I’ve lived and i have learnt.

I regret posting about the car as the initial issue, it wasn’t. What I am really struggling with is dealing with this piece of shit and how I can move forward.

How can he not call the kids before they start their new school. Money aside. That is absolutely tragic

Walkerss, it's clear that after 3 years you're still struggling with this break up and need some support. Can I suggest that you'll get that support, which MN is very good at, if you start another thread telling people what your current problems are and asking for advice on dealing with them?

The problem with this thread is that people new to it are going to read the title and answer the first post.

Sadly there are way too many women who can offer you first hand advice of bad fathers which might help.

I hope the kids are doing well at their new school.

That's sensible, and the best thing you could take from this. It's a hard lesson, but you can make sure you learn as much as possible from it. This was an obvious risk of the choices that you made, he's not someone to be relied on, you can protect yourself better in the future. Stop doing things for him. Collecting the kids from school on his Fridays as a favour is a privilege reserved for decent co-parents, which he isn't.

And as others have said, cancel the insurance immediately.

🙄

So from what I can tell is you have created a thread to trash your children’s father online. Despite the fact he pays CMS and allowed you use of HIS car for the last 3 years after you split up.

I realised from a comment you made that you're the same person who posted before about not being able to contact your kids on a camping trip (the accidental message when you heard his new partner bitching?). You tried to say you were over the end of the relationship/him moving on, and people suggested you weren't actually over it. I think this shows you're definitely not, and that's ok!

He obviously treated you badly, and continues to be a dick! I'm sorry you're struggling, the issue for me was your posts changing every time, but I get that you're venting and not in a great place? Are you managing to keep it from your kids? That was the hardest part for me, wanting to tell my son what a useless POS his dad was while also not wanting to affect my son's mental health or his relationship with his dad. It was a nightmare, but I did it, and now me and my ex have an ok relationship and their relationship has always been great. Ultimately, your kids will know you're the one they can rely on 100%.

Have you considered therapy? I found it incredibly helpful.

OP. I think the answer is obvious as you’ve make it clear to all on this thread: you are an angry illogical individual and he doesn’t want to have to deal with you.

To speak with his kids, he’s have to call you. That’s what he doesn’t want. He’s having to not speak with his kids as he doesn’t want to deal with your vitreol.

Stop making this a “woe is me”, accept some accountability, learn some emotional control, and get on with your life.

OP, I’m really sorry but there are so many contradictions in your story. Your first post late on Wednesday afternoon said he took the car the night before and your main argument was that you wouldn’t be able to get the kids to school. Then on Thursday night you said you’d got your kids into a local school and on Friday morning that they had settled in really well. Later you replied to someone about struggling to get them to their school for a few days without a car, but it had only been 1 day. After that, you say your son struggled to go to the new school and complained that his father didn’t even phone him to wish him well, but how did he even know they’d been moved overnight to a new school if he has blocked your number and you have no way of contacting him?
The worst part is that you’re now saying you’re going to stop him from seeing his children in retaliation. Oh dear!

How did he know?

Oh dear. I got slated and pushed off this thread but I had a spider sense that something wasn’t right.

Op I would strongly advise you go get counselling to help you move on.

You have posted so much in this thread where the timelines make no sense and I get totally that you’re annoyed but that meant you didn’t get helpful advice.

Post to vent about your ex and tell the truth about the timelines and you’ll get support and advice that relates to your current situation.

Why did it take you so long if he’s been asking for his car back for 3 years? Sounds like you were dragging it out for somewhat dubious reasons

Wow! The bar really is in hell for dads. 🤯
Give him a medal.he pays the bare minimum that the CMS tells him too and still tries to get a reduction 👏🏽👏🏽
On paper it may have been his. But in no other moral or practical way was it "his car".
They has 2 FAMILY EXPENSES when they lived together with children. He paid one, she paid the other. He has his own car.
Any decent human being would have signed it over to her when they split.

As for trying to reduce his CMS payments for HIS children cos he has a step kid. Dead beat.

Sorry you have had a hard time on this thread OP. Not sure why people are being so ridiculous, going on an on about him letting you use "his car" for so long. But you are 100% not wrong to be angry and disappointed for your children.

(These threads have gotten more and more ridiculous since they stated sharing them to FB which has become a cesspit of trolls too)
Keep your chin up. At least the kids have you.
I hope they are settling in well to their new school. 💐

The registered keeper is not necessarily the sames as the owner. The owner is usually the one bought the car unless they've transferred ownership to someone else though sale or gift

The driver needs at least third party insurance cover. The owner might also wish to check it's insured against against fire and theft risks..
The registered keeper is legally really for road tax.

People are being "ridiculous" because the OP started a thread slagging off her children's father with a first post about not being able to get her children to school that turned out to be completely untrue. They had already been enrolled in a school at walking distance some time before the car was removed, and the father knew that.

So nothing from that point on can be believed.

Maybe you should read this post @AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere as it does a good TL;DR for you

You picked this man as a father.

Maybe so, but people were saying "It's his car" from the start even though it was stated in the first post they were together when it was brought and when it was paid off, he had his own car, they had an agreement that she paid nursery and he paid car payments, so it wasnt just him paying for her car or him buying a car for a himself and letting her drive it. If they had simply switched the payments so he was paying nursery and she was paying the car it could be still "legally" be in his name, but no one would be trying to say it was his car,

Yes, further messages made no sense, she clearly decided to write is as if it just happened which was a bit of a silly choice, cos then updates then made no sense...but doesn't automatically mean she did it to be deceptive....but hell, she could be lying, I dont know her....that doesn't make the "it's his car that he "let" you have for 3 years" comments any less ridiculous.
My OH paid half for me to upsize my car when I was due with our second child and needed to be able to fit 2 rear-facing seats in my car. (My original car was mine, paid for, and looked after, just too small) New car was still 100% mine- the only reason for the upsize was the kids safety, he had his own car...so if we separated and he said half the car is his, I would have laughed in his face. (but I am wise enough to make sure the family car i drive is in my name, whether I pay all, half or none) Cos unfortunately I have heard too many stories of idiots like this.

It was d*ck move to take the car away from her and therefore his kids, no matter if someone thinks (from a few posts) that she might deserve it. His children are affected by that choice too. Especially if she is not in the financial position to replace it.

Bored of these ridiculous comments on threads too!
Maybe there were red flags,maybe, but its very victim blamey. You cant know the kind of father a man will really be until he has kids! (or mother, but dont see this comment that way round) They can seem like they would be amazing and talk a good game, maybe they are great with nieces and nephews and have big plans.... and then totally fail to step up to the reality of day in, day out parenting.