AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

[Walkerss]

So 3 years ago my ex left me for somebody else, I have finally got to a place where I am happy, the kids are happy and all is going well.

when we were a couple we made an agreement that I would pay nursery fees and he would pay the finance on my car. Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car and last night he turned up and demanded the keys. I gave them to him and instantly felt relieved that he didn’t have anything else on me. However school is quite a drive away since I moved area and I told him I wouldn’t be able to take them to school. His response was, not my problem, I can take them on my days so it’s nothing to do with him.

how can he be so evil?! At least warn me so I had time to get a car. I hate him!

Shame it didn't teach you any compassion or understanding then really.

I’m autistic. I focus on the practicals and what’s legal.

what good does patting her hand and saying he’s a bastard do? It won’t get her the car back.

if it’s her car, she needs to report it stolen to the police.

OP had kids with him without getting married.

Unfortunately this leaves her up shit creek for him being a massive prick and there's fuck all she can do about it.

She has to be grateful she's had a car for three years as he could have been a bigger shit head. Not changing the registered keeper meant it was always his car.

Not a lot she can do but call him a shit head.

Legally on paper, its his.

You had 3 years to buy another car and put one in your name.

You already know he's a twat, this could have been prevented by just sorting it earlier.

But it's not. It was a mistake to keep it and he should have had it returned to him 3 years ago. It was in his name and therefore he should have been continuing to pay for it, and then you needed to check whether you were receiving the correct payment for maintenance.
You going part time is also your choice. It sounds like you still think of you two as a couple working together but it isn't like that and you need to think what works best for you. That might be working full time.

OP, it was a cunty thing for him to do. At the very least he should have given you a mo to to sort an alternative car, especially given you use it to drive your children to school. Cancel the insurance and try move in and be thankful he has nothing else to hold over you. Can you possibly hire a car for a week or two ?

I don’t see us as working together at all

I think he’s being really petty and he’s punishing the children more than you as it’s a safe secure way of travelling . As you’ve mentioned the car is paid for and he has his own car , as others have said you’ve been paying child care fees which I’m sure either equal payments of the car insurance , MOT etc or exceed this .

But she said he pays maintenance and takes the kids to school on his time?

@Walkerss are you still paying the nursery fees?

His argument though could be that he has given her 3 years to sort her own car. I get just turning up and taking it wasn’t ideal but how much time should he provide a car for?

And he’s been constantly asking for the car. So it’s not a surprise.

But that has been your expectation for 3 years. You have expected for him to give you the car that was effectively his and you mentioned that you went part time.
You need to be more selfish and think of the worse in terms of providing for yourselves. He has proved he will shit on you so no being amicable.
It was a mistake to keep the car like it was a mistake to go part time.
You now need to forget him and the car.

I think lots of PPs are misunderstanding the situation.

My understanding is that when you were together as a couple, faced with two expenses that were jointly needed by the household unit (nursery fees and a car for your use), you managed this by you paying the nursery fees and him paying the car finance. This meant he was technically the 'owner' of the car, but the really the car belonged to you as a household unit, in the same way that the nursery fees were the responsibility of the household unit.

He is now claiming 100% ownership of the car, without acknowledging that by this rationale he paid 0% of the nursery fees, which were a joint responsibility.

He's being a massive twat, and that is before you even start on the fact that he is wantonly leaving his children unable to get to school.

'At least warn me so I had time to get a car.'

Well, he did...

'Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car.'

You haven't put your children first here, either. You should have pre-empted this by switching the finance to your name or getting yourself a car.

As he has taken the car off you, you may wish to immediately cancel the insurance policy. Would be a terrible shame if he hasn't thought about insuring it himself and the police found out...

OP you're focusing on the wrong things (though I understand why).

How much is he paying? What is custody agreement? Is all of this a private arrangement or court-mandated?

I think if it's a private arrangement you could get the car back in the short term by threatening to go to court. But it's not ideal - the only scenario I'd do this is if I literally couldn't get the kids to school.

Ultimately - and especially if he's abusive/financially abusive - you need to go to court.

So what was he paying for then?

If it was paid off then there is nothing left to pay.

I personally would have put the car in my name and took over the finance (if there was any) and had him pay for nursery fees as I wouldn’t want him having that level of control over me.

I’m a bit confused about what he was paying for if the car has been paid off but he’s a dick to not give you notice and a chance to buy a new car knowing that it’s going to impact his kids.

Sorry OP, although I'm with you on this I guess LEGALLY it's his car, MORALLY he's being a complete tit.

Hope it works out for you and especially the kids x

This.

A decent person would have given you time to sort a car out. Considering the main thing you probably do with the car is drive both of your kids to places in it, I think he had been horrible to just turn up and take it like that. It’s been three years yes, but just turning up one day out of the blue and demanding the keys is shitty. When he knows you have to take the kids to school.
does he do his fair share of days? Or are you left with the majority of child rearing too? I bet it’s the latter.
he has gone for three years without needing this car and he could have said a month ago that he would need it to give you time to sort out arrangements.
can you source another car? My nephew just got one for 500 quid on face book market place and it drives pretty well, it’s a tiny runaround but you might be able to get something quick like that while you sort out a decent car for the longer term.

Reframe this - you are now free from the constant threats to take the car - congratulations 🥳

Here we go again another pile on from some presumably mothers on another mother who is asking for support.
Yes the father has made threats in the past but his current actions punish his children more than his ex wife. What father that cared about his children's welfare would do that? Turn up demand the keys and drive off leaving his children with a long walk to school. Abusive bastard.

@TGT you are over invested in this thread. Your constant questions are borderline harassment and intimidation of @Walkerss at a time she needs support and practical solutions. Your autism has no relevance here.
@Walkerss can you borrow a car or look into getting a car on finance? Hopefully you have family and friends that can help. What ages are your children?

Don't be such a wuss.

Get a car of your own.

Well explained

Then they should have transfered the car into her name. Agreeing to keep a car she didn’t own was just silly.