AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

[Walkerss]

So 3 years ago my ex left me for somebody else, I have finally got to a place where I am happy, the kids are happy and all is going well.

when we were a couple we made an agreement that I would pay nursery fees and he would pay the finance on my car. Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car and last night he turned up and demanded the keys. I gave them to him and instantly felt relieved that he didn’t have anything else on me. However school is quite a drive away since I moved area and I told him I wouldn’t be able to take them to school. His response was, not my problem, I can take them on my days so it’s nothing to do with him.

how can he be so evil?! At least warn me so I had time to get a car. I hate him!

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time on here op. Long term couple (presuming as you have children). Shared finances. Both have cars. Yours was paid for by the time you split (when he left you for another woman). You were both in agreement that you’d keep the second car if you financed all of the nursery fees. Now a whole 3 years down the line when presumably the nursery fees have now ended, he’s taken back the car. I don’t get the ‘well did you expect to have it forever’ comments? It just makes him more of a shit to take it back out of pure spite nearly half a decade later KNOWING you need it to take his children to school! He’s a fucking spiteful prick and I can’t believe the pettiness

It’s his car. It’s in his name. The op should’ve transferred ownership at the time of the split.

Yeah people just don't get it. It's absolutely awful assuming he gave you no pre warning in order to get another car?! I'm sorry this has happened but at least he's got no more leverage over you apart from obviously trying to co/ parrallel parent with him. Bet everyone around thinks he's "such a nice guy" too. Always the same. Scumbags!
But once you manage to get a new one you'll feel relief once again. It's just another way of abusing/ controlling you x

And yet she didn’t. I don’t see how that makes what he did any less worse. Maybe he could give her back all of the nursery fees now that he’s gone back on his end of the agreement? It wouldn’t surprise me if he refused to hand over the title so he had just the opportunity to do this one day, and the op felt she had no choice at the time. Maybe she thought he wouldn’t stoop so low so it didn’t really cross her mind. The fact remains the same. He’s gone out of his way for no reason to make her life harder resulting in his kids being stuck even getting to school. Yet she won’t get a penny of those nursery fees back. Classic mn pile on and victim blaming here as usual

He did give her pre warning. According to the op there have been constant threats (quote) to take the car

Three years is a long time If it’s his, he’s entitled to it.

I don’t see where she said the agreement was she would own the car at the end of the finance? Just that whilst they were together he would pay for the car as a quid pro who for her paying the nursery fees?

Or he could have paid the nursery fees

They are threats. That's not pre warnings and again is just victim blaming and you know it. You know that's out of order and poor behaviour which impacts the children directly. Any reasonable person would've given a few days (at least) notice in order to ensure the children can get to school and nursery.

I've just had the same happen to me, I have had the family car since splitting two years ago. I've actually been telling him to sell it and split the money so we can both get smaller cars but it took him two years to do it. I begged, borrowed and scraped and now have my own car. Oh my god, the freedom, relief and joy of another tie cut. No more turning up and taking the car when he wanted to.

Make a plan to get your own car OP, and ignore the 'should've' posts on here from posters seriously lacking in empathy. When something like this happens to you, you spiral for a very long time and try your best to keep things steady for DC. I know. Reframe this as another freedom.

Edited to add that I completely agree with PPs who say it is a form of control. And the less he has over you and you life the better.

No it's not fair. He paid for the car for you but now has a car to show for it. You paid nursery fees and now have nothing.

Appreciate this doesn't help you but this is why people advise others to get married before having kids, and if you're not married then get agreements in writing and don't let your financial contribution to go towards consumables (bills, food, childcare) whilst the other persons financial contribution goes towards building assets in their names only.

Yes you were naive but I don't think that your lack of financial planning means you deserve to be screwed over (assuming you never had an agreement that the car would be sold after 3 years or similar)

I disagree. I’d have taken the car back long ago. Or agreed with the op to transfer it to her name either with or without payment depending on the finances agreement at split.

she knew he wanted the car back. It was a bone of contention.

I honestly cannot believe what I am reading!

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

It's his car, you've had three years.

Yeah of course. Any single mum can afford nursery fees, and living costs along with a car.
Tell me you've never been a single working parent in receipt of CMS without telling me.

He doesn’t need the car, it isn’t even worth anything! He did it out of spite for absolutely no reason at all.

It's a family car - it would have been bought as a family car before he buggered off. Don't be so mean.

No, it’s my car.

It was something we did together as a couple at the time. Anyway it’s done now he can shove it.

But you said it was in his name? I’m confused

You probably should have posted on the Divorce/Separation Board - AIBU is full of unpleasantness. Everyone on the other board knows exactly how these shenanigans work.

I was a single mum of 3. I never got a penny of CMS and I worked full time in a minimum wage job with a 90 min commute each way on the bus because I couldn’t afford the train.

As you split 3 years ago do you still have the nursery fees that where part of that original agreement?

You're saying he has stolen your car? You need to report the theft to the police.