AIBU to feel angry after my ex took the car back?

[Walkerss]

So 3 years ago my ex left me for somebody else, I have finally got to a place where I am happy, the kids are happy and all is going well.

when we were a couple we made an agreement that I would pay nursery fees and he would pay the finance on my car. Obviously since the split there have been constant threats to take the car and last night he turned up and demanded the keys. I gave them to him and instantly felt relieved that he didn’t have anything else on me. However school is quite a drive away since I moved area and I told him I wouldn’t be able to take them to school. His response was, not my problem, I can take them on my days so it’s nothing to do with him.

how can he be so evil?! At least warn me so I had time to get a car. I hate him!

No, legally it isn’t and I will never just assume somebody would do the right thing ever again.

I’m not sure what you expected - it is his car, you’ve been using it for three years and he has had enough and wants it back. Pay for your own car!

Wow just wow

There’s no such thing as a registered owner in the UK. The OP might be the registered keeper or maybe not but that has nothing to do with ownership.

The only things that prove ownership are things like invoices and finance agreements. He could also have put it in writing that he’s given her the car.

Cancel the insurance and get your own car. I presume you have him on a documented child support agreement? He was always going to take the car

But it is true. He probably figured you would have sorted your own car out by now or offered to buy this one off him? You don’t get maintenance and a car?

If it’s in his name: it’s his car. She just feels like it’s her car. Surely you didn’t believe this when she wrote it?! Paying insurance is completely irrelevant.

If it’s in his name, surely it’s his car? If it wasn’t legally his, why would you give him the keys?

Stop paying for the insurance and get another car.

That very much depends on what’s meant by “in his name”.

Well now you will be buying your own car you wont be paying the tax and insurance on his so make sure he knows you've told DVLA that you no longer "own it" and cancel the insurance😉

But she effectively paid for half the car while they were together.

It's definitely something they should have come to an agreement at the end of the relationship.

The fairest deal would have been for her to buy the car off him at half it's value.

Edited to add that is assuming that the nursery fee and the car loan repayment were roughly the same amount.

Well if that is the case, then he owes her for the nursery fees she was paying for their shared children, when he paid nothing.

Is it very kind of him. No. Could he given you some notice to sort yourself a car. Yes. However you did kinda have 3 years notice to sort yourself your own car. I think where I agree he is being a bit of a deadbeat is the fact he said the kids getting to school isn’t his problem. But I’m sorry it’s his car, you’ve been split for 3 years, you’ve had 3 years use of that car since you split I think that actually was very generous

He definitely should have given you more notice that he wanted his car back, but you should have realised that you needed to sort out your own transport ( and probably nursery fees as well) when you split up. Unless you have evidence that he gifted you the car, it's his car if he paid for it and retained ownership..

Is your income enough to replace the car ? Can you get you children to school by alternative means ? If not Can you borrow one from another family member while you sort out alternative arrangements?

.

He's a horrible man and you're better off without him but co-parenting is impossible with a man like that. Who would leave their kids without a way of getting to school with no notice.

But it wasn't sustainable unless he signed it over to you. He had it to hold over you and now he doesn't at least.

Aibu is crazy. You won't get much support here unfortunately.

He sounds like a dick, but at least now he has nothing he can hold over you/threaten you with. Cancel the insurance.

You had three years to sort a car, he should of given you a month's notice but you had 3 years.

@Walkerss

He is a twat!!

As PP have said, cancel the insurance etc straight away.

Personally, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of this bothering you as it’s all about control with him.

From what you’re saying, the issue isn’t that he’s taken the car, it’s that he’s timed it to have maximum impact on the kids and on you. I agree that it would have been wise for you to have sorted a car in your own name sooner, however it’s not wrong of you to think that if he did change his mind about the car he’d at least give you sufficient notice to sort a replacement. Hope you get something sorted quickly. As you said, at least the prat doesn’t have anything to hold over you now. And in the future, you can remember his when he needs a favour.

Overnight ? It’s so easy to just go and buy a car.

The moment he left you he erased any emotional connection to you despite your children. He rewrote history. As soon as he got sex elsewhere, his loyalty to you effectively died. It's shit, but that's the reality of how the majority of them work. We see it time and time again.

An even half decent man would have transferred that car's ownership to you when he walked out.

I wouldn't have handed those keys over personally, I reckon there is a legal claim to that vehicle given what you've said. However, that's a load of hassle and arguments and the reality is you were not properly insured if you were doing the 'spouse as owner' thing that insurers allow. I think you would have had issues come a claim.

Hope you can get some new wheels sorted soon x

Oh I get it @Walkerss
The real was you paid nursery he paid car - you need car and made decisions for the children based on you having a car.

Not sure why you agreed to the original deal - because after paying nursery fees you have nothing in hand whereas he has a legally owned car

I assume he has money flow problems and it is in his mind his asset and he needs it back

Only thing you can do is make sure he pays every penny he should for kids going forward. Do you split additional costs? Winter coats, school trips, looking after them on holidays?

You need to make selfish decisions now going forward, selfish financial decisions like he does, can you expand to full-time work? Make sure he covers whatever you have agreed in childcare, 50/50 means 50% of sick days etc.

You need to think and act (with him) like a man.

If you have a budget for a car, or someone (your parents) could lend you some money you could drive out of a dealership with a car on Saturday. It’s possible. That would piss him off (as an added bonus)

The only mistake you made in this arrangement was not putting car in your name but then he might have stopped paying for it. And not have paid nursery- so you need to think was it the only way you could’ve got that money towards expenses at the time?

At least you weren’t paying for a car in his name he has just driven away, there’s that. Some women would because changing name over is too much hard work.

It sounds like you did actually pay for half the car because you covered the nursery fees but unfortunately there can be only one name on the V5. Without his agreement you couldn’t have put it into your name. If I was you I would cancel the insurance and the car tax (stop the dd). If you paid it for a year or 6 months I don’t think you can get a refund without a change of name on the log book. I would then send him an invoice for half of the nursery fees that you paid. If that was the agreement when you were toughen he owes you as he has taken the car back! Some men are just arseholes and I’m sorry your children are impacted x

Obviously not overnight. What a dim comment. 🙄
3 years post divorce/separation, I think it’s time to stand on one’s own feet.