Who is being unreasonable?

[Peedoff26]

Husband has form for ruining the lead up to every holiday with work deadlines. They always coincide with when we go away or any major milestone occasion or.birthday.

This week we are due to celebrate a significant wedding anniversary. Cue the famous deadline. It was so bad this time that I asked if we should cancel rather than go. A few hours before we were due to go to the airport he said he would only need to do a few hours and would bring the laptop.

He did 2 hours yesterday but in between was zoned out a lot of the time. Then today at 3pm he was still huffing and puffing about never catching a break and he didn't know how to fix the problem.

I lost it at this stage and stormed out and blocked him. We've spent a huge amount of money on 3 nights away and he is ruining it. I went off for 5 hours and saw some sights etc. When I came back he said the problem was fixed 20 minutes after I left (bear in mind he said he didn't know when it would be fixed). He is now saying I've ruined the day and is expecting that I would want to go for dinner and a drink with him.

I just feel so done. This is the first time I've ever blocked but I'm sick of it

Well after 25 years of this i had one lapse of maturity. Shame on me for wanting my husband to be on holiday. He had the option to cancel and I was fine with him bringing the laptop to do a bit. Working 8am to 4pm is not a bit

I think that's illegal.
Everyone is entitled to time off and not have to work.
Even the Prime Minister can leave someone else in charge and it would have to be a major extreme reason to call them back to work.

Seemingly everyone on Mumsnet thinks it's okay to work on holidays!

No he isn't. I am

I guess context matters. What is his position at work ? How stable is his job? Does he have a shit boss who insists on him working all hours? Or is he the boss and is just a workaholic. Very hard to know really
You are not unreasonable to be annoyed ! It's very annoying. Whether or not he could have avoided it or mitigated it better, none of us can say

Sounds like crap work/life balance to me

Very odd thinking isn't it ?
If I were you I would start booking solo holidays.
Not literally solo if you don't want to be alone - a tour group might be good.
Go and have fun.
Leave Mr Workaholic at home.

Yes. That’s what your role is. To hang off his every word and sympathise with him that his ‘very big important job’ is so ‘very big and important’ and you should be rubbing his feet and serving him tea. Your own wants and wishes are neither here nor there. You are merely an appendage to his main character energy.

Argh. I feel I’m projecting my anger about my ex onto your lump of a man. Sorry. It’s unleashed something! 😂

Anyway, next time book something with a friend or in your own and leave him
moaning at home!

Yes!

Yes, you can. I had a senior job for 8 years and only on about 5 occasions did I need to work when I was on holiday, which was in response to genuine work emergencies, triggered by events which happened outside our organisation. And if we'd had the mobile phones and internet we have today I could probably have sorted it in a few minutes on each occasion by delegating to my well-briefed and well-trained staff. On the other hand, I had colleagues at the same level who had to be forced to take their leave. No one in a large organisation is indispensable, so unless your husband is a sole trader he has no excuse for being such a bad manager of his workload and team.

I didn't mind him doing a bit when we are away. And for those saying they have antisocial hours. So does he and often works well into the early hours..But why come on holiday if work takes over. Just cancel it

Some very strange replies on this thread. You are absolutely not being unreasonable. DP and I are away for three nights in November and I wouldn’t be absolutely beyond gutted if he announced he had to work whilst we were away, and that’s not for any particular celebration.

He should take his holiday like a normal person. It’s an utter joke.

The job is stable and the boss is nice. Its just everytime there is something going on it likes he escapes into work so he doesnt have to organise or help. And this time it went a step further with the laptop coming

I've told him I wont be going away with him again on our own

He sounds like a right idiot. He’s not that essential to his workplace and his colleagues must think he’s a right muppet. You did the right thing.

Because you ‘blocked’ I’m going to assume you’re really young.

Honestly, there’s other boys out there. This one isn’t for you.

I think some people on here live on an alternate planet. We mostly go away on group holidays. Now I know why

Me too - I don't have a role like that and never would! I've seen enough close up for that.

It is a joke and it was a present for him. I feel really embarrassed about answering how the holiday went if people ask. I would have flown home this evening if there had been a flight

Don’t think workplaces employ boys at the level where them going on holiday would make a blind bit of difference.

OP had clearly blocked her husband from contacting her whilst she went out for a few hours due to annoyance and frustration. Zero need whatsoever to be a dick and try and be patronising and insult her.

I'm so sorry OP, what a dickhead.

I'm not young. Its the first time I've ever done it and only did it because he wouldn't leave me alone. I wanted peace for a few hours

Why is he doing it? To get pretend he’s important or to wind you up or something else?

If he's not senior then he's a twat, you're right to be pissed off if you're not even getting the financial rewards!

Sorry to ask but does he avoid being alone with you in general? Just trying to get to the bottom of it.