Who is being unreasonable?

[Peedoff26]

Husband has form for ruining the lead up to every holiday with work deadlines. They always coincide with when we go away or any major milestone occasion or.birthday.

This week we are due to celebrate a significant wedding anniversary. Cue the famous deadline. It was so bad this time that I asked if we should cancel rather than go. A few hours before we were due to go to the airport he said he would only need to do a few hours and would bring the laptop.

He did 2 hours yesterday but in between was zoned out a lot of the time. Then today at 3pm he was still huffing and puffing about never catching a break and he didn't know how to fix the problem.

I lost it at this stage and stormed out and blocked him. We've spent a huge amount of money on 3 nights away and he is ruining it. I went off for 5 hours and saw some sights etc. When I came back he said the problem was fixed 20 minutes after I left (bear in mind he said he didn't know when it would be fixed). He is now saying I've ruined the day and is expecting that I would want to go for dinner and a drink with him.

I just feel so done. This is the first time I've ever blocked but I'm sick of it

So he has to work later just before having time off (not unusual). He had to solve a problem (it happens) so you stormed out for 5 hours and now aren’t speaking to him. I see red flags…

I would never block DH and disappear for 5 hours just because I was annoyed.

My ex used to do exactly this. Self employed. Would always know in advance if we were going away.

It meant that I’d have be in charge of all the packing and do the driving etc. it was every time. Really annoying. It’s like having a mannequin instead of a partner. There in body but not in mind. So what’s the point?

Love it now we are not together. Being in your own is so much better than being with someone who isn’t actually present. You can’t do what you like even though they are not engaged. You have to just kind of pause yourself until they are ready. On your own you can do exactly what you like. I love it.

No he is working while on holiday. He was working non stop before we.came away. Thats normal.for him. I dont think it's normal working on holiday for a significant anniversary

Does he ruin the start of every holiday and then work on holiday. This has been going on for years and its the first time Ive done it

Yeah sometimes that happens. People have to work. Your reaction to is is over the top

When you say you blocked him, do you mean you blocked him on social media? That’s ridiculous and melodramatic, particularly if you’re on holiday with the guy. You sound like a drama queen.

I have the sort of job your husband has. Sometimes you have to work at antisocial times. Its shit and you owe it to your family to try to minimise it but sometimes shit happens.

Storming off and blocking your own husband achieves nothing except to make everyone feel stressed and miserable.

If you find it really unbearable sit down and try to figure out a solution long term. But you can’t be flouncing off and blocking him for having to do his job.

And I wouldn't mind but I said should we cancel and he was adamant we didnt. It is a significant anniversary celebration and he has worked for most of it. And not quietly either. He is grumbling and moaning

You were perfectly right to get out and about if your DH had been working up until 3pm. Why should you sit and wait for him while he plays the part of being the person that the office can’t function without, it’s all an act to inflate his own ego.

You are not reading my post. Its everytime not sometime

Presumably he's quite senior. You can't just stop work when you're on holiday.

How old are you? I can't imagine 'blocking' my own husband, it's like you're trying to stir up drama.

Some jobs can be antisocial occasionally - mine is. My DH is fine with it because my job pays for everything and it's just part of the deal. Different story if he's working on his annual leave and being really stressed but only earning £30k or something.

So I should just hang around and wait while he works on holiday. And listen to him moaning away.

Its every holiday or occasion too. For 25 years

He sounds performative and almost like he wants to put you in your place. Is he passive aggressive at all?

No, you can be disappointed but mature about it at the same time....

So you’re married to a workaholic who doesn’t prioritise you even when you’re away celebrating your anniversary.
It’s totally understandable that you’d be annoyed.
So what are you going to do about it? You can vent here, although quite a few PP seem to be content with his behaviour. I wouldn’t be. He’ll probably keep doing it as work is more important to him than being present with his wife.

Really?
Isn't that what booking paid time off is for?
Time off work (not doing work) to go on holiday 🤷

But if people want successful relationships as well careers, they also need to be the priority occasionally - like on a break for a significant anniversary.

How avoidable is all this extra last minute work?

Does he at least understand why you're frustrated?

Yes you absolutely can. He chooses not to.

No he's not senior. He just cant seem to manage his workload. The sensible thing ti do would have been to cancel it but he preferred to work while moaning and wasting money on a hotel instead of celebrating an anniversary

@Peedoff26 is he self employed?

Sadly, often not! With the salary and title comes the expectation that you're rarely fully off the clock.

That’s making my blood boil on your behalf. I remember the feeling well. What’s the point of being together if his mind is elsewhere.

I had a ‘big important’ job too but managed to organise my time so I could step away.

It’s like they are saying it’s not as important. I mean if he doesn’t do this work will anyone die? Just how crucial is he that he has to sacrifice his anniversary celebration break? Or is he just a massive ego ‘I’m so important they can’t cope without me’.

Go out and do your own thing. Treat yourself. Don’t organise anything again. Go on your own.