To not let DS12 go to a waterpark with friends

[PumpkinPost]

DS has an opportunity to go to a water park with a group without me. He is non-sporty and not a particularly strong swimmer (in stage 4 swimming lessons). He loves water parks but has only been with me/DH.

I’ve never been particularly water confident and get a bit anxious about DC in pools - I always watch them like a hawk.I can even feel a bit nervy when they are at their swimming lessons.

I really don’t feel that comfortable letting him go to a waterpark on his own, but I don’t know if that is a reasonable judgement as his swimming is fairly weak, or whether I am projecting my own anxiety!

AIBU to think he shouldn’t go?

Massive drip feed! It’s an organised trip that would be risk assesesed with volunteers and lifeguards. He’s 12. YABVU

It’s hard to say, depends on the park and what the other boys are like.

If you’re worried then wait until he’s a better swimmer and encourage him to swim more often, outside of lessons.

You sound like you don’t swim much either. Could you swim with your son to help him and get more confident yourself?

How tall is he op? I’d look at the water park, the types of slides / depth.
if they are relatively tame slides - lazy river/ chutes and there’s no particularly deep water I would consider it. One that would worry me is a wave machine of they have one.
But if the slides are fairly basic, he can touch the bottom and he can swim I’d probably let him go. But would explain to staff that he’s not the strongest swimmer.

I think DS has inherited his lack of swimming prowess from me. I didn’t really learn to swim in any meaningful way until I was an adult. I have put a lot of work into improving and have got stamina over distances now but I still don’t have any power behind my stroke - I can be doing my absolute best front crawl and still be overtaken by people doing leisurely head-up breaststroke. I’ve had lessons and I don’t seem to me doing anything technically very wrong I just have no oomph.

DS at least is really confident in the water but he combines my lack of oomph with not really having mastered technique either. I’ve questioned whether he is maybe a bit dyspraxic (not just because of this).

I’ve done a lot of work on my swimming - I do triathlon and have had to get comfortable with swimming in all sorts of conditions - the sea, lakes with horrible visibility, mass race starts where you risk getting kicked in the face. I still get really nervous though!

He’s tiny (shortest in his year group) and built like a twig (as I said earlier, this is a whole other thread, he eats like a bird).

I think having slept on it is my decision will be for him not to go this year - I think the Scouts group run this trip annually, it’ll still be there next year and I think he would both get more out of it then, and I would feel more confident about him going. The waterpark is one part of a multi-day trip (which is relatively expensive) so if he went this year, I probably wouldn’t pay for him again next year. So it’s not depriving him of the opportunity, it is just deferring it for a year.

I cannot work out why you’re so uncomfortable with your water-confident,12 yr old swimmer going on a supervised scout trip to a water park? If you do triathlon, you must have experienced the excitement which comes from pushing yourself, and the satisfaction and increased self-esteem you gain from completing races. Why are you so wary of your ds building up this same bank of confidence boosting activities, especially when this one is so low-risk?

Op you are seriously over thinking this. You never know what can happen.
Remember Scouts are run by volunteers, who have lives too, not every group will run the same trips every year, especially multi day trips and especially not if it involves time off work for them.
Don't assume every trip will run every year.

Totally different going with friends or on an organised Scouts trip.

I'd have let him go, they will have risk assessed the trip and have enough adults to child ratio.

I agree that it’s time to let him go on swimming trips without you. If this was totally alone I would probably agree but it’s an organised Scouts trip. Also….

• DH is very competent swimmer, get him doing more technical work with him
• You have overcome your swimming issues by pushing yourself in triathlons, let him push himself
• He’s very confident in water - they do very little swimming in water parks and spend more time running up stairs and sat in a float.

He shouldn’t miss out on the full Scout trip because he hasn’t swum a full 50m. The organisers are obviously confident he is capable!

Well that's exactly why you are telling him isn't it?

It's a scouts trip

I mean if it doesn’t run next year for some reason then it’s not that big a deal. A lot of the Scouts activities are things which are quite hard to replicate - this one is just a trip to some ordinary attractions that anyone can go to themselves.

It wasn’t like I would definitely have been signing him up for this trip if it didn’t have a waterpark included, there’s a number of factors to consider including cost.

i try to prioritise getting him to the camps and outdoor activities. While I am sure this would be fun it’s the kind of thing we’d do as a family anyway.

You're being very unfair on your son. You admit this is about you "and I would feel more confident about him going". Whether it's something you would do as a family or not, it's a very different experience going as part of a team/scout troop or as a group of friends. It's a very different vibe compared to having your mother there, watching anxiously the whole time. It's a proper water park, with lifeguards, on a supervised trip, and he can swim! Very unfair for you to limit things because of YOUR anxiety.

This exactly 😊

If it was the school PGL trip and I was thinking of excluding him then I think you’d have a point that I need to get over myself. But there’s no significant benefit to DS of attending, beyond the fact he’d enjoy it. He’s perfectly confident in waterparks, he has been to waterparks before (and done all the activities involved in the trip before), it is not a major life experience.

Ha I’m not standing there anxiously saying “ooh careful now DS!” when we’ve been at waterparks together, we’re jumping on the big slides together and having loads of fun (even though I have conquer my fear a bit).

He’s not hit the age yet where mum is uncool, and although he has friends at scouts the dynamic with some of the others can be tricky. If it were all his best friends and I was excluding him it’d feel different but it does feel more like a “nice to have” trip.

Honestly this is convincing me we should do this as a family trip before he hits the grumpy teenager phase..

Again all about you and nothing about him

OP you are being unfair & i’m saying this very kindly .
He is with his scout group where there will be adequate supervision , life guards also present.
You know he will be safe on the slides, you’re concerned about the pool .
There will be life guards watching at all times & also the scout leaders .
How big is the group ?

I think this is interesting and I don’t doubt the guidance is strong but my own personal experience, my daughter on a school trip had an incident while kayaking which felt more risky than her experiences at a slide pool has been.

Her and her friend seemed to become separated from the main group in the sea. For some reason they were struggling to use the oars to get back to shore, were starting to panic so she decided to jump in and swim the kayak and her friend back in. Now she’s a strong swimmer and had a life jacket on but the thought of a 9 year old in the sea with no adult scares me much more than a 12 year old in a water park. Now it may be that the centre had people surveying from a distance and were watching her or boat support would have been there quickly if needed. It is also the word of a 9 year of which might not be 100% reliable but both of the girls were scared so something had happened.

it’s worrying that you can’t see the be benefits to him, honestly you’re being over-anxious and it’s not fair on your son.

Op its part of the bigger experience.
One of the reasons Scouts go swimming on camps, is some kids can be a bit reluctant to wash, so a chlorine bath ensures they don't stink of BO.

I honestly think your are holding your son back for no reason. Fairly soon he's going to want to drop out of swimming lessons, if hes in with much younger children.

If it was money you wouldn't have started the thread.

I do agree OP that the scouts leaders likely won't be watching all the boys 100% of the time ... But that's because water parks are set up so you don't need to, for 12 year olds who can swim a bit.

If you've been to a big European water park, an indoor UK one will likely be tame in comparison. I'm sure at 12 he will be plenty tall enough to stand up in the water at the bottom of the slides and in the lazy river. He probably won't need to do any actual swimming at all. These parks also tend to have lifeguards supervising every slide.

I'd be nervous to let, say, a 7 year old who was a complete non-swimmer go without close supervision. I wouldn't be nervous for a 12 year old who can swim a length. I really think there's very little danger here.

So…is he going or not?

Op clearly doesn't want him to go, hence initial post no mention of Scouts.
Now she's blaming money.

Normally I'd never argue with money. If you can't afford it then so be it. But I strongly suspect Op can afford it, or she wouldn't have asked in the first place.

Something to remember if kids pull out of these events, Scout leaders just won't do them. Zero point in planning, setting time aside for it, if kids pull out and you end up with a handful of kids.