To not let DS12 go to a waterpark with friends

[PumpkinPost]

DS has an opportunity to go to a water park with a group without me. He is non-sporty and not a particularly strong swimmer (in stage 4 swimming lessons). He loves water parks but has only been with me/DH.

I’ve never been particularly water confident and get a bit anxious about DC in pools - I always watch them like a hawk.I can even feel a bit nervy when they are at their swimming lessons.

I really don’t feel that comfortable letting him go to a waterpark on his own, but I don’t know if that is a reasonable judgement as his swimming is fairly weak, or whether I am projecting my own anxiety!

AIBU to think he shouldn’t go?

If I were you I would step up his swimming lessons because is quite old not to be able to swim properly,

He would potentially be able to do an intensive holiday course that would improve his skills fast. This would have thé added benefit of allaying your fears.

DH’s initial reaction was “no” - which I think is impacted by the fact that at the same age he was swimming at county-level, so by comparison DS can barely swim at all, plus he has the experience of knowing someone who drowned in a low-risk environment.

I’ve been hurt on a waterslide too, and on another occasion I was stuck on a slide, they had to shut it down and rescue me (it was one of those where you’re on an inflatable and it got wedged). I was knocked over by the wave machine in shallow water while carrying toddler DS and really struggled to get out of the waves. I just find water even in these controlled environments is unpredictable!

Believe me he’s not held back by my anxiety - he’s been to one of the best waterparks in Europe with me! This one looks pretty lame by comparison. He has been canoeing, climbing, skiing, all kinds of adventures that I hadn’t even dreamt of doing when I was his age.

If I decide against this trip I will find a reason, I’m not going to tell him I won’t let him. It’s actually one activity in a multi-day trip and there’s other reasons it might not be a go-er (£££ for one!)

I agree with those saying yes if adult present, no if not

It’s a Scout trip…

And if this happens NONE. of the other kids would notice and tell someone either Unlikely. Sounds as though you have anxiety issues as well

So the issue is that you are too anxious letting go and do stuff " without you"

I'd work on that tbh as in the next year or so he will want to do exactly that

One take on this is ‘DN hit his head on a waterslide and it caused dizziness and a head wound, these places can be dangerous.’

Another take is ‘When DN hit his head on a waterslide, it was immediately noticed and first aid was instantly available, these places are as safe as possible’.

Edited for spelling

Most of those things he has done without me!

And if it is a “no” it’s not a “no forever” -last year would have definitely been a no as his swimming wasn’t great. This year his swimming has progressed some, if it keeps progressing next year would probably be a “yes”. This year I am just not sure.

I can imagine that. Help for teens so tough to find. Could you or his dad get him swimming at a local pool at the weekends just going up and down to build up strength?

If its the cardiff one id let him go, its all very shallow except the circular slide which has full supervision at all times

I would speak to the Scout leaders about your concerns and to ascertain level of supervision etc. Having run a lot of these sorts of things myself, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have a list of kids they need to supervise more closely and they may be able to offer this. They’ll either be able to offer reassurance that he will be ok or confirm your suspicions that you ought to say no!

Absolutely! Stage 4 level at age 12 is very weak and not enough for the rigours of a waterpark. There’s a park near us and my daughter had to prove that she could swim 50m. She’s county standard so managed it easily but they were doing random checks and picked her because she was only 7 at the time.

Bit of a dripfeed it’s with scouts 🤦🏽‍♀️🤣 why not speak to them about his swimming prowess, what they’ll be doing and how much actual risk there is rather than just saying no.
i couldn’t swim as a child and missed out on so much. Get him up to a stronger level too, be proactive, don’t hold him back

‘If I decide against this trip I will find a reason, I’m not going to tell him I won’t let him.’
i don’t get this. Why would you need to ‘find a reason’? You’re either letting him or you aren’t.
and I stick with my previous post, speak to the scout leaders who are going on the trip, and you say this waterpark looks lame in comparison to the one you took him to?
im confused, this is a weird contradictory post

I would say as an adult I'm probably at a similar swimming standard to your son. I can confidently swim in a pool, but struggle if there is any current and have really poor stamina. As much as I love waterparks, I would no longer go on anything where I was out of my depth or go through anything more rigorous than a lazy river. As a responsible adult, I am able to make sensible choices in relation to my swimming ability. I would not expect a 12 year old to be able to make responsible decisions of this type, particularly when other young people are around and from what you've described, he is overconfident in his own abilities.
I wouldn't say it would be an outright no from me though, considering it is a Scouts trip; I'd try and speak to the leaders, find out more about the supervision and make it clear that your son is not a strong swimmer.

Scouts!! Ah, op, come on…

Op please get a grip, he’s going to a water park not swimming the English Channel.

Message the scout leader and say he's keen to go, but he's not a particularly strong swimmer and explain it as above - can do 25/50m comfortably, but doesn't have much stamina, so may be more tired and less capable by the end of the session. I wouldn't say this is a non-swimmer though, and generally would say any kid who can do 25/50m comfortably would be fine in a fun leisure pool with slides for an hour or so etc, and I've taken kids with significantly worse swimming ability to similar places and never had an issue, as long as parents let us know beforehand. It's much less tiring to be up and down stairs, queueing etc than it is doing lengths and keeping yourself floating in deep water.

Swimming usually requires a higher ratio anyway, and they'll likely have factored in some extra adults for poor swimmers, so they'll be able to keep a closer eye on him if you let them know it's needed (versus his peers). HOWEVER if you've not made them aware at other water activities that he can't swim well, they may not have this in place. If I'd taken a group and parents had all signed consent for an adventurous water activity without raising swimming ability, I'd expect them all to be fine in a fun pool.

When you said alone, it sounded like a couple of unaccompanied 12 year olds

Waterparks are designed for 12 year olds!

So basically you have made up your mind already and wanted validation for that.

Why did you bother asking for opinions about whether you were unreasonable or not then?

He really shouldn’t be canoeing with this level of proficiency in the water OP. That is more dangerous than a waterpark expedition with the Scouts.

At his age I’d swum and dived competitively.

You should prioritise a school holiday swimming course to get him up to a good standard. It doesn’t take long.

No, as he's not a strong swimmer. You can't rely on a few scout leaders to watch him. Lifeguards are nearly always way under staffed as it is, if never trust them to keep my kid safe if they were a weak swimmer.