To not let DS12 go to a waterpark with friends

[PumpkinPost]

DS has an opportunity to go to a water park with a group without me. He is non-sporty and not a particularly strong swimmer (in stage 4 swimming lessons). He loves water parks but has only been with me/DH.

I’ve never been particularly water confident and get a bit anxious about DC in pools - I always watch them like a hawk.I can even feel a bit nervy when they are at their swimming lessons.

I really don’t feel that comfortable letting him go to a waterpark on his own, but I don’t know if that is a reasonable judgement as his swimming is fairly weak, or whether I am projecting my own anxiety!

AIBU to think he shouldn’t go?

But there’s no significant benefit to DS of attending, beyond the fact he’d enjoy it.

I’m sorry, op, but I can hardly believe I just read this! Isn’t that the main point of trips? The one thing that would stop me paying ££ for a school/organised trip would be my dc not wanting to go or saying they wouldn’t enjoy it. The one thing which would encourage me to go ahead if I could afford it, would be them being enthusiastic about participating.

This is a really disturbing way of thinking.

Contact the scout group and volunteer.

I wouldn’t send my 12 year old on his own I think they are too young.

It’s a Scout trip…

One of the big benefits of Scouts is to encourage independence.

Op needs to let him grow up and not keep him as a baby, remember hes 12, some Scouts will only be 10 and half.

Waterparks are generally all about going down slides, not swimming, and there will be lifeguards. As long as the place has a good reputation (check out reviews) it should be fine. It’s not so much swimming you need to worry about but the slides being properly supervised.

It’s a good thing this 12 year old won’t be on his own then, isn’t it?

I realised this after and did delete my post.

If I spent £150 every time I had an opportunity to send DS on an activity he would enjoy I would soon be bankrupt.

He doesn't have to attend every activity his scouts group lays on. He does most, not all. Events are always very well attended, frequently oversubscribed, so we won't be doing the troop any disservice by not attending this one.

While I do feel a bit more confident as a result of this thread that he would be fine, it's also made me think about it bit more, and realise it's not a one-off opportunity he'd be missing and that there's good reasons (including his swimming ability improving) to do it another time.

In summary - if it were free, or an invite to go with his best friend and a parent, or something with a stronger expectation of attendance (like a school trip) - I'd send him. As it is a fairly expensive optional trip, I think my worries about his swimming ability tip the balance towards not.

You’re now making it about cost but that didn’t feature at all in your earlier posts. You’ve already made your mind up and because the consensus is that you’re being unreasonable not letting him go based on your anxiety, it’s now about the cost. Let the poor kid go on the trip - you’ll have worse anxieties than this to get over as he gets older, learn to let him do age appropriate things, or your anxiety will rub off on him and he will miss out on opportunities as a result.

Very true.

I’ve seen confident kids turn into nervous kids due to anxious parents.

As PP said, you are now actively looking for reasons not to allow him to go.

He can swim 50m! That is far, far more than will be needed at a water park. You've said it's his swimming ability was your deciding factor, but once you told people that he's actually a fairly decent swimmer, we've all said that that's not an issue.

You can read it as a post-hoc justification if you like. Of course there a multiple factors in a decision, there always is. I wasn’t going to cram my OP with everything I was weighing up when the only thing I needed external input on was the question of whether it was a good idea to send a comparatively weak swimmer to a waterpark without parental supervision (I should have mentioned it was Scouts in the OP, I will concede that).

For what it is worth, given people seem to think I was here to validate my own decision, I originally titled the OP “AIBU to let DS go to a waterpark with his friends?” but somehow the way I had written it made the voting options seem confusing so I switched the wording around.

I do feel more relaxed about the idea as a result of this thread, so yes it has had an impact. Does that mean he will go? No, probably not (unless some other factors materialise) because I realised I was asking the wrong question and treating it as a once-and-for-all-time decision rather than “when is the best time for this trip?” and the answer to that is “not this year”.

Poor kid.

What will social services say when the find out there’s a child out there being deprived of a trip a water park when he’s only had 3 scouts camps, paddle boarding, PGL, skiing and Go Ape this year? Tragic really 😢

Your OP was NEVER about finances.
You are being very disingenuous.
Don't make your anxiety his problem.

Note here. She was at sea. Weak swimmers shouldnt really be at sea. It's all about the distance to the shore/bank. You should always look for low instructor to client ratios. At sea it should be six to eight max an instructor I think. Lots and lots of overseas trips at holiday destinations abroad do not do this. People tend to accept lower safety standards abroad.

You've done a whole thread, where it was obvious you were just looking for people to say "yes you are right".

And yeah if you have let him go on these other activities there's not a lot of reason why he would be more at risk in a swimming pool.

You then have thrown the cost in as an extra justification.

I hate threads like this.

You're making it sound like my engagement in this thread has been

OP - "Don't you all agree that I shouldn't send my child to a waterpark as he will most certainly drown?"
Mumsnet - "You're being ridiculous"
OP - "Whatever, we can't afford it anyway".

...which is not what it's been like for me at all. You might not believe it but hand on heart I have been engaging with this in good faith and comments have given me plenty of food for thought. And yes I do recognise that I'm over-anxious about water and that he should be reasonably safe on a trip like this (I already knew the former, I've been largely convinced on the latter).

Believe it or not, I came here looking to be convinced. As I said, I'd already asked DH and he didn't think it was a good idea. So if I just wanted validation, that could have been the end of it, right? "I am worried and DH, the experienced former-competitive swimmer, doesn't think it's a good idea either so it's a no". But I still felt that was letting anxiety rule the decision so I wanted to get an external check.

What I've now realised is that I was so preoccupied by worrying about the swimming that I wasn't making a decision like I normally would (how much does it cost, is it good timing, what is he going to get out of it, etc). And then realised that even if there was no waterpark involved - it's still an expensive trip, the timing isn't great, it's somewhere I'd like to take DS with his sibling, he's been on loads of other trips this year. Basically I don't need to send him just to prove I'm not letting anxiety rule the decision, that would be as stupid as letting the anxiety win.

I’m anxious about water too but a Scouts activity should be okay. It’s worth speaking to his leaders to find out what level of supervision they’ll have. If it feels insufficient then personally I’d go along (yes, you’d need a PVG if you were going along with them officially, but if it’s open to the public at the same time then you can be there as member of the public. Just don’t chat to him and his pals).

Not all swimming teachers cover this sufficiently, but also talk your son through things like “float to live” and have him practice getting into that position from a normal swimming position. It’s genuinely lifesaving and will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life.