To not let DS12 go to a waterpark with friends

[PumpkinPost]

DS has an opportunity to go to a water park with a group without me. He is non-sporty and not a particularly strong swimmer (in stage 4 swimming lessons). He loves water parks but has only been with me/DH.

I’ve never been particularly water confident and get a bit anxious about DC in pools - I always watch them like a hawk.I can even feel a bit nervy when they are at their swimming lessons.

I really don’t feel that comfortable letting him go to a waterpark on his own, but I don’t know if that is a reasonable judgement as his swimming is fairly weak, or whether I am projecting my own anxiety!

AIBU to think he shouldn’t go?

Definitely let him go. Speak to Scouts about exactly how well he can swim. And then change his swimming lessons and get him (and you?) some 1-2-1s to really work on his style and stamina. If he can actually swim (breastroke and front crawl) it shouldn’t take many. Or take him to the pool yourself and get him to swim lengths - age 12 is just about bribable. Because if not you are settling yourself up for many more years of worry about things like this. Set him a challenge - maybe look at doing the swimathon in March - they have a 16 length challenge.

if it helps at all, at his age I was swimming lengths confidently over 50m and I did a rescue style course where we went swimming in PJs and swam underwater to retrieve items like blocks etc. Perhaps getting him to do that would be good? But honestly he'll be fine at a waterpark, they're designed for all levels of swimmers.

Sounds like he will be fine on an organised trip, but the caveat to that is - are you comfortable/confident that the adult helpers are capable?

I ask because, of the many organised trips my kids have gone on, I have always had confidence in (and am very grateful to!) the adult leaders - apart from a v short-lived Scout membership with a really poor scout leader who I didn't trust (and indeed, my child did not feel safe with). So, have you met the adults and are you comfortable?

As a year 5/6 teacher I subscribe to every word of this message.

After 35 years in the profession I've seen a massive upsurge in parental anxiety in the last few years that is definitely having a knock on effect on what activities we can organise as a school.

And as several PP have pointed out the drip feed here is very indicative of OPs mindset.
It's a supervised visit. He can swim.
This is your problem OP.
Please don't make it into your DSs problem.
Let him go.

If it’s part of an organised trip there will have been a full risk assessment done.
I would let him go- he’ll have a great time!
If he’s not a strong swimmer he can choose to wear a floatation jacket which are usually provided by the water park.
Life is full of risks and taking small little ones under supervision, as in this case going down slides or floating on a lazy river, allows our children to gradually become more independent. We can’t wrap them in cotton wool forever.

Don’t do this.

The waterpark allows 12yo+ unaccompanied so I don’t know why the Scouts group would be expected to have a particularly different risk assessment? I’m not assuming they are going to be closely supervised.

i find it hard enough to keep tabs on 2 kids in a waterpark - they shoot down the water rapids faster than I do and then they are out of my sight!

He won't need strength or stamina in a fun pool, he'll just need to be able to stand up or swim to the edge when he comes down a slide. Also are you sure he shouldn't be higher than stage 4 if he's swimming multiple full pool lengths confidently? DS is just in stage 6 at age 7 and the weaker swimmers in his friend group are going into stage 4 and they're 5 years younger than your DS , or did he just stop lessons at that stage but has continued swimming on his own?

Scouts have a higher threshold of responsibility. The organiser will STILL be liable even if the leisure centre says 12+. They understand behaviour of the group and who may be an issue. (Regardless of swimming ability).

If the leisure centre says 12+, they are also assessing the risk to be minimal because AGAIN there are liability issues if something goes wrong for an unsupervised minor aged between 12 and 16.

You are trying to make out there is a bigger risk than there is.

This is your anxiety. This isn't reflective of risk.

Your child is presumably yr8. Yr8s should be independent to a certain level by this age. It doesn't sound like you are treating your son to this basic age appropriate level more generally.

Put it another way.

Scout group will not want to be prevented from returning to the venue because their scouts have behaved so badly the leisure centre bans them for being little dickheads.

They will expect a basic standard of behaviour because the kids are their representatives.

Its not in their interests to have the kids running riot and being pricks.

Why do you need to assume anything? The scout leaders are human adults and likely parents, plus they no their own risk assessment, why not speak to them?

I'm a scout leader who regulary takes groups to these places. No we don't try and keep tabs on each child. Lifeguards are the primary supervision in place for the water safety side. We will watch for misbehaviour, in particular ignoring life guards instructions. They are set up for less confident/strong swimmers. Normally minimum age is 8. If he can swim 50 m he well within the swimming requirements. Please don't make his life difficult because of your anxiety.

I allow this, I do always worry and remind them to be safe and follow rules.
my children have had great days and weekends away with organised activities.
it’s great for their independence and confidence it’s also great fun.

As part of a scout trip yes
Unsupervised group of 12 year olds no

Make sure you talk to the leaders about his swimming level but I think you should let him go especially if he’s excited about it

It would be a no from me. You’re going to need to go with him and supervise, or he doesn’t go. I would suggest knuckling down with swimming lessons and going to regular swimming pools over the next year to improve his swimming, so he’s in a position to go next year if he wants to.

When mine were about 8 I took mine on my own to these places. I used to find a good vantage place and keep an eye out

But you can't watch them both all the time. Just as you can't do that whilst cycling on a park, forest or going to a shopping centre.
.
Are they traveling independently to school? Do you leave them at home using iPads? Is that fully safe?

Life involves risks. But we all have to live and kids need to grow to be independent, to fall but to learn how to get up and navigate life

These places are probably more safe than playing Roblox in the bedroom....

You’re nervous around water so you definitely are projecting that on him. You say he’s non-sporty but that’s a strong label to put on a 12 year old. Maybe he loves walking in the countryside or he lacks confidence for some reason but there’s a literally a sport for every kid.

Let him have an amazing time at the waterpark.

When mine did scouts you had to sign a form to say they could swim competently 50m in order to participate in any water based activities.

if he can’t do this you don’t sign and he doesn’t go until he is better at swimming.

Maybe would motivate him to learn to swim better if he misses the trip ?

Stage 4 typically means you can’t swim out of your depth. If he can swim a length or two he’ll be fine. In water slides, you can stand up in the pools at the end of the slide.

Id let him go. There are lifeguards if he gets in major trouble.

DS was Stage 4. He got a swim England 50m certificate whilst doing it.

The distance is different to the stages. Swim England have stages and rainbow certificates which refer to distance achieved. The Stages are about technical ability not the distance. Which is why they keep the two certificate systems separate.

DSs technical ability for strokes was shocking. But he can still swim 50m and has a certificate to prove it.

The swimming pool which my son did swim England lessons in did the stage 3 lessons and beyond in the deep end of the pool whilst the stage 1s and 2s were in the shallow end within depth.

Strangely enough I don't think that stage 4 means you can't swim out of your depth in a swimming pool.

🤯

Why does she? The scout leaders and lifeguard will also be supervising. The child can swim. What extra good were her being there for?

To soothe her ridiculous anxiety.

Oh wait. That's not a DS problem or a Scout problem. That's a parent problem.

The issue here for me is also this idea that in Scouts you are going to be doing something that a school wouldnt allow on a trip. This isn't necessarily the case at all.

I've waved DS off on all other scouts and school activities without a second thought - overnights, overseas trips, PGL, air rifles, caving etc. I'm not by nature an anxious parent.

I do recognise I'm quite nervous about water - not entirely baselessly, I've had a few bad experiences - one in the sea which is obviously a very different risk (though probably the most frightening experience of my life), but a couple in leisure pools. DH used to swim competitively as a child and one of his teammates drowned in a leisure pool.

DS is objectively not a good swimmer for his age, generally doesn't have good physical strength (he's very small and skinny, dreads PE), and isn't particularly mature for his age (I credit his 9 year old sibling with more common sense).

I'm not trying to justify not sending him (I might well), but just trying to explain my thinking.