She took me to her abortion and is pregnant again couple weeks later

[Peaceofmind12]

My friend had an abortion last month, as she had been with this guy for two months and in that time, her beat her up and was verbally abusing her. She wanted me to come with her which I did. I don’t know why, but for some reason I found the whole experience a little traumatising but I never said anything to her about how all of it made me feel as she was going through a lot. Her abusive boyfriend was constantly calling me to get to her, she was crying loads and I was emotional support as she wanted to terminate the pregnancy so the guy could not ruin her life. Couple weeks later she is back with him and pregnant again after the abortion. She keeps saying she wants me to support her etc but I’ve completely checked out. I don’t know what she’s doing I think she’s making a mistake and I just don’t know what to say to her.

i feel conflicted as I feel like I’m not being a good friend by not congratulating her. But at the same time I’m so taken back we went to the clinic to terminate the other pregnancy so she could get away from him and now she’s back with him and pregnant again

I’m assuming this is genuine, although hoping it isn’t. There was a similar situation within my extended family. Vulnerable girl, abusive partner, termination then another pregnancy announced with weeks. Full-term baby within a year of the first positive test. Yeah it was a shitshow

I'd start distancing myself from this friendship. I don't like this level of drama and chaos in my life now.

maybe she didn't take the pills.

Or maybe she did but they did not work and she has retained products of pregnancy

Cut her off. She will drain you.

If she hasn't had a full normal period since the abortion, with a negative pregnancy test after the bleeding stops, it is entirely possible that the current positive pregnancy test is actually retained matter in the womb from the earlier pregnancy. This is why you are advised to abstain for a while, because it can be really difficult to establish if a positive pregnancy test is due to a failure of the womb to completely empty after the abortion (this can be a life-threatening emergency) or a new pregnancy.

It sounds like your friend is trapped in an abusive situation where she doesn't actually feel able to leave. You can't make her decisions for her unfortunately. Try to keep communication open but protect your own emotional vulnerability next time and don't give more than you can deal with in terms of emotional energy - you cannot be the saviour here.

Its possible to have false positive tests up to 8 weeks after an abortion. All depends on the person and there hormones.

Yes it was 2004, so things may have changed.
She took the pills and I stayed while she 'lost' the fetus.

How many times have you attended the abortion clinic with a friend?

It’s difficult because I don’t want to abandon her but it’s so too much for me. Selfishly if she goes through with it I know I’m gonna have to hold the pieces more than I should have to. She’s not got stable accommodation. Social services are involved for her first child and she’s gonna be dependent on him financially. I can see where this is heading already

I started bleeding with an early miscarriage on the 2nd of Jan, ovulated on the 12th and had a new positive pregnancy test by the 24th. So what 22 days after loosing a pregnancy I was pregnant again.

It’s completely possible.

The time slots don’t really make sense if she’s only with him two months.
Did she have an abortion using the tablets?
You are certainly advised that you are very fertile after an abortion.
I wouldn’t feel like congratulating her either, she’s caught up in an emotional drama with an abusive men, dragging a child into the mess.
I think that you should move on from her as this will get much worse and you’ll be dragged along with her.

She already has a child?! And not really anywhere to live?

You need to pray that this pregnancy is not real and plead with her to end this 'relationship'. Block this man from being able to contact you in anyway and steer very clear from him.

So you went to the clinic with her
she had a scan and was given some tablets and you left with her
and this was traumatic for you?

Sorry to doubt you and her but I’m not sure I believe this. The time is too close to the abortion to know someone is pregnant and a positive test maybe due to the original pregnancy. However, if you are in this situation I’d would tell her that you’re sorry but you found it pretty traumatic last time and you need to step away for your own mental health. Unfortunately she needs to not see the guy again if he is like that - and of course you cannot make her see sense, she has to do it herself.

I would imagine so. What was the point when she stupidly got pregnant again for an abuser. It is upsetting for a friend.

With the abuse friend’s partner hassling OP during it all and the friend being an emotional wreck. I can completely see how it would be traumatic and unpleasant for OP.

Sounds like she’s either not pregnant, or she never took the abortion pills in the first place. The appointment to just hand over the pills being ‘traumatic’ is a bit odd.

@Hobnobswantshernameback yh it was? Seeing someone cry so much because they are terminating their child is a lot. Also I had her boyfriend calling me and sending voice notes crying while he tried to get her to get back with him. Plus I also have a child so I can imagine the pain of having to terminate a child that you would like to have but can’t because the man is abusive. Obviously he’s clearly on his best behaviour which is why she is keeping this pregnancy

What makes you think she took the pills if she was so upset about ‘terminating a child’? She can’t have been more than a week pregnant, it’s a miracle anything even showed on the scan

Edit: I’ve just realised she’d been with him for 2 months when she got pregnant, I thought she’d been with him for 2 months overall. She still would have been very early on through and it sounds very viable she’s not actually taken the pills

Took me 9 weeks to get a negative test after a loss at 9 weeks and I was told it typically takes as long to reduce as it did to build

So she got pregnant after being with him for two months , terminated five weeks ago now pregnant again.
Her life sounds an utter crash.
Is she irresponsible with contraception (using it or making him use it) or does she want a Band Aid Baby ?
She will lean on you heavily if she continues with this pregnancy. Do you want that?
If she terminated again would she fell resentful . Or relieved.

I know posters are going to say she's vulnerable but she really needs to be away from him. Has she reported him for the abuse.
If she has the baby she'll have intervention from Social Services as they will deem her unable to keep her baby safe .
Hopefully it's a false reading from post procedure hormones

Why would someone try report the post ?

@ToKittyornottoKitty all I can do is take her word for it. I don’t think she would lie. She was early days when having the abortion and is early days now

I don't think the other poster is saying it isn't possible, more that at the moment it could be a 'false positive' after the abortion. So she could definitely have a positive test result but cannot know right now if it's an actual new pregnancy or not.

That means you would've taken a pregnancy test before your period was due? Just why would people go that?