To find the use of the word ‘fiancé’ irritating?

[Sparklesbigtoe]

Do people still use the word fiancé to describe the person they’re engaged to on a regular basis (eg. every time they mention them to someone who doesn’t know their name they’ll say fiancé rather than partner or bf/gf)? Or is this becoming kind of outdated? There’s a woman at work who keeps saying ‘my fiancé and I this, my fiancé and I that, yesterday I said to my fiancé blah, blah’. It’s really starting to grate on me because she could easily say his name then start referring to him by it, just like everyone else does. It also struck me that other people I know who’ve been engaged recently carried on saying ‘partner’, or they might say fiancé once or twice but generally they use partner. I’m sure I’m BU to find it annoying but it feels like they’re trying to boast that someone’s asked them to marry them everytime I hear it!

No, I agree, and for the OP perhaps the issue is that the word ‘fiancé’ is up there with the French fancies so popular with the British bourgeoisie like ‘serviette’ and ‘pardon’. The entry of words like ‘fiancé’ into the lexicon of the lower middle classes from the mid-19th onwards, particularly after World War II, is a fascinating historical subject. It’s a tale of aspiration and class, which in England particularly are mediated through vocabulary and pronunciation.

And back I go to Disraeli’s orphanage emigration reforms …

It's a perfectly normal, understood term with a specific meaning: the person I am going to marry, but haven't yet done so.

I find it far weirder when people say "my partner" when referring to their actual husband or wife to whom they are properly legally married. It's almost as weird as the people who routinely refer to people whom they know - who don't even claim any kind of 'non-binary' identity - as 'they'... e.g. "It's my sister's birthday in a couple of weeks - I'll ask them if there's anything in particular that they would like as a present."

The only irritating thing is when people don't understand the different masculine and feminine French word endings, so they write the wrong form of 'fiancé/fiancée' - and you don't always know if they're in a same-sex couple or just got it wrong. If a woman mentions her 'fiancée' and upcoming wedding and you reply "Congratulations, what's her name?"... then she treats it like YOU are the stupid one!

You get the same with blond/blonde too; and I've seen people online refer to a 'masseuse' who is clearly male.

Yes. It’s awful. As is ‘husband’. And ‘spouse’
always makes me think of something small, grubby and domestic, like those stubby little washing up brushes that have a reservoir for washing up liquid inside.

This.

I am currently engaged but I don't like the word 'fiance' so I just say 'partner'. I can't quite put my finger on why the word isn't likeable, maybe just sounds too French?

Christ you people are so fucking weird 😆

100%

Why does it matter that they are your fiance. Partner will do, married or not and then name

To complement the "French fancy" nature of the word, mentioned by PP, I once worked with someone who pronounced "fiancé" as "fransay" 🤯
The marriage lasted about 18 months, I believe.

That's bizarre. So you've taken a neutral everyday word, assigned your own alternative negative interpretation of what it means, and then you don't use the neutral word because you don't like the negative association that you've arbitrarily changed it to?!

It's like saying that you hate cats because their incessant barking is so annoying - and it turns out that you just personally refer to dogs as cats!

When people say “partner” my first thought is always a business partner. It seems a very odd way to describe a romantic relationship.

Regardless, odd to give it so much headspace OP. Why do you care?

I will admit I quite often use ‘partner’ for DH. We’d been together for aeons before we got married, and a ten-minute civil ceremony with two witnesses didn’t change anything. I was amused to find recently that an old university friend had no idea we’d got married )fifteen years ago).

Partner has been used for at least 2 decades. I find it hard to believe you have missed that.

'Hubby/hubster/hubalub' or whatever are indeed annoying - as is 'wifey', which comes with more than a hint of misogyny and dismissiveness; but the actual standard words are just unremarkable, surely?!

Hahahaha. I have been engaged for about 3 years and we have a child and we just CBA organising the wedding between a one year old, house move and work.

He is my fiancé and I refer to him as such but I'm defo not "grandstanding" as somebody said.

It makes me wonder what such people think of married couples. Do they look down on all women who are happy with the word 'wife'? It just seems so unnecessarily derogatory.

Which is correct. What do you mean whatever? They are more than partners, they are soon to be married. Is totally ok. Maybe the woman is happy and proud to be comitted to her partner, soon to be married. In what way does this would bother someone, I can't get my head around it! Are we all surrounded by miserable bitter people? Why?

It was you who first used the word “note” - read it back.
You’re projecting.
Just because someone uses the term fiance/fiancée they aren’t asking you to note something - they’re just using the correct term.
If someone mentioned their husband they’re not asking you to note that they’re married, it’s just the correct term to describe the man they’re with.

I have trouble remembering names, so I help people out, assuming they don't care enough about me to remember the names of my sister, husband, cat, 3 kids, etc.

I find it irritating when people start referring to eg 'James and Marcia' and I am thinking: your son and his wife? your hairdressers? your 2 guinea pigs? your friends from Australia?

I'm the same!

How can a French word sound too French?
What about cafe?
Menu?
Ballet?
RSVP?
Genre?
Debut?
🤔
I'm very curieux!
😁

Clearly in the minority here but I agree op. Technically I have a fiancé as he asked me to marry him/I said yes/we are getting married, but we always say partner. I find fiancé totally cringy, nobody cares but us if we get married or don’t, it just sounds really performative to me.

Possibly, yes. 🤔

It hasn’t aged well, has it? See also: relationship status “engaged”. Both make me cringe but I can’t explain why. Hire Purchase for relationships, but each to their own!

They're two distinct, different things in our culture and society, though. Neither is better or worse; but just different.

Historically, official documents always used 'he' and 'him' to refer to anybody of either sex, and women were just dismissively brushed off with "Oh, it means you too - the terminology doesn't actually matter". Being a 'he' is no better or worse than being a 'she'; but they are two different words with distinct meanings.